Holy Man Page #6

You're completely asleep

right now, Nino.

Nino is asleep.

- Shh!

- Shh!

He's asleep now.

Nino, your left hand

feels very, very light.

It's going to start

to raise up very slowly.

It's starting to float up.

On its own it's floating up.

You can let it hang there,

right there, Nino.

You see?

This is a party, you know.

- Maybe I should get him to bark

like a dog or something.

- Oh, G, no.

Get over there,

or I'll kill ya.

Okay. Nino,

put your arm back down now.

Put it back, back down.

The plane's taking off.

You're a little nervous, like you

always are when a plane takes off.

This time when it takes off,

it's smoother than it's ever taken off.

You didn't even feel the plane

leave the ground that time.

You're up in the sky,

and it's smooth sailing, Nino.

Wow! This feels great.

What's that up ahead?

Looks like a storm cloud.

It is a storm cloud. I can see

the pilot's trying to avoid it.

He can't.

It's too late.

Nino, we're in. We're right

in the middle of the storm cloud.

You start to feel turbulence.

The plane is shaking.

You start to feel it dip and sway.

Oh, so much turbulence.

How can this tiny metal object

stay up...

in this sky

of vast destruction, Nino?

You're getting scared. The stewardess

just passed out at your knees, Nino.

You felt the plane drop

a thousand feet in elevation.

- You felt your stomach

shoot up right into your neck.

- [ Breathing Quickens ]

The captain's voice

comes over the intercom.

"Attention.

This is your captain speaking.

This is your captain speaking.

God help us!

We're gonna crash!

Oh, my God!"

[ Rapid Breathing ]

You're right there, Nino.

The last moments of your life.

Right now, you're right there.

But you're not thinking

about dying.

- You're thinking about your loved ones.

- [ Breathing Slows ]

You're thinking about

your family and your friends...

and all the special moments

that you shared with those people.

You're feeling blessed with

the gift of life that you received.

That's what you're thinking about.

You're not afraid right now

at all of anything.

You're at one with God.

You've let go.

Now, when I tell you to,

open your eyes.

When you open your eyes, you'll be

completely feeling refreshed...

and you won't even remember

anything that's happened.

You'll never be afraid

of flying in a plane again.

Now open your eyes, Nino.

- How do you feel?

- Wonderful.

- [ Guests Laughing,

Murmuring, Cheering ]

- All right!

A hypnotizing swami.

You got any other

party tricks?

Actually, yes, I do. I have a trick

called The Disappearing Rolex Trick...

that's quite

a party stopper.

Cool. Do it.

- Can I borrow your Rolex?

- No, no, no, no.

- Come on, Scott.

- Are you kidding me? No, no.

- It's a good trick.

- Do you have any id--

- Scott, Scott, Scott, Scott!

- [ All ] Scott, Scott, Scott, Scott!

- All right, all right.

- Oh, okay. I'm gonna need

a handkerchief as well.

Does anyone have

a handkerchief?

- Oh, Nino, thank you.

And we need a hammer.

- Wait. Whoa. A hammer?

Don't worry.

Don't worry.

- Here. Take my shoe.

- Oh, that'll work perfectly.

Now for the Ricky shoe.

What size is that?

- This is a 12.

- That'll get the job done.

Definitely. Okay. I want you to see

that I'm taking the watch...

and I'm placing it right in

the middle of the handkerchief.

Everyone, see the watch

going into the handkerchief.

- [ Watch Rattling ]

- Closing the watch up

in the handkerchief. All right?

-That's right.

-Can you see that? You wanna touch that?

-It's in there, right? Okay. Here we go.

-Yeah.

We place the watch

on the table.

We take Robert Ricky's

trusted size 12, and--

[ Guests Gasping, Murmuring ]

Whew! Ricky.

- [ Rattling ]

- That sounds really broken, doesn't it?

- Doesn't it? Yeah?

- [ Guests Agreeing ]

[ Gasping ]

Wonderful!

That was great.

- That was good. Okay,

give me back the watch now.

- I can't. It's gone.

- It's disappeared.

- No, but seriously,

that's a $10,000 watch.

I am serious.

It's The Disappearing Rolex Trick.

It's not The Reappearing Rolex Trick.

-Good night, everybody!

-Yo, Gandhi, give me back the goddam w--

[ Guests Gasping ]

Be careful what you wish for.

That's not funny.

That wasn't funny.

[ Ricky ] Champagne for anyone?

Anyone for champagne?

[ Man Singing Reggae On Boom Box ]

Yeah

[ Vocalizing ]

Yeah, ah la la-la la

- Mmm. Ah, you're sure?

- [ Continues ]

Absolutely.

He asked us to watch

his pj's for him.

Oh, yeah?

I-- You know, I'm sorry.

I don't, uh-- I don't see him.

Ahh! Ricky!

Come in the water with me!

Oh, I'd love to, really,

but somebody has to pay the rent.

Come on, Ricky, one swim.

Then go sell things on television.

Yeah. Well, that's kind of what

I wanted to talk to you about.

Can I just have a word

for a second, G?

- What's the matter? ls there a problem?

- No, no problem.

I just wanted to put a little bee

in your bonnet for a second.

Oh, ho, no, no, no!

Okay, I see.

- Hello. No, no, no. Free Willy. I see.

- Oh.

- No, no, no. Just-- Just--

- Very funny.

Listen. The Nino Cerruti,

you know, from the party...

his lawyer called this morning

and said that they're interested

in a deal with us...

and that he had a great flight back to

Milan, and, in fact, he's buying a jet.

- Oh, that's wonderful.

Did it make him happy?

- Yes.

You have such a--

a special quality.

I now realize that

between you and me...

we could make a difference

with the world in a very unique way.

So, here's my idea. Listen, G. G?

G, here's the thing.

What if you went

on my network...

and talked to people

and made 'em feel good?

You want me to sell things

for you on television?

Yeah. Well, uh--

You'd be telling people

on the air about how material

things can refresh the spirit.

Isn't that your idea?

Unless they're used to replace

more important things,

which they usually are.

Wow. Wow,

I just got chills.

I just got chills. Amen. You have

an important message for the world.

And, listen, what better way

to get it across than on TV?

You could help thousands, millions of

people feel better about themselves, G.

Wow! What do you think?

How about you?

Will it make you feel better?

Me? I don't know.

-That's not the point. Me, I feel great.

-Oh, no.

No, yes, that's exactly the point.

Will it make you feel better?

I'm gonna lose my job

if I don't do something soon. So, yeah.

Yeah, it could really help me.

That's the truth, like that.

What do you think?

Okay, I'll do it,

but only one condition.

Really? What?

- One condition.

- Okay.

- It's nonnegotiable.

- What?

Ahh! Oh!

- Ahh!

- Ahh!

Ahh!

[ Laughing ]

Shark, shark, shark,

shark, shark!

It's a joke. It's a joke.

There are no sharks.

[ G Laughing ]

[ Ricky ]

Yes. This is good.

[ Laughing ]

Bars out.

[ People Chattering ]

And bring him on camera--

I've made you up to look like

you have on no make-up at all.

That's a metaphysics

I didn't even know existed.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes