Horrible Bosses Page #10

- Oh, sh*t.

You grab at it like a gun and you confuse

people. Goddamn it, I feel like a moron.

- Let's go.

- You are a moron.

Look, you don't go into a bar and

hand a guy $5000 just because he black.

- It was never a black-white thing.

-No, come on.

Let's go. Come on. Dale.

Y'all motherfuckers crazy.

Okay.

Looks pretty quiet, yeah?

Yeah, it does. Okay, tape recorder's ready

to roll, I got some fresh batteries in here.

It was a pretty big investment so I should

be the one who does the tape-recording.

- No way. No, I'll do it.

- You're gonna do it?

You'll have to duct-tape that

to your chest.

I can't tape this to my chest.

I have hair on chest.

Just put it in your pocket.

Not gonna tape it to his chest.

So, what do we do? Wait for him to come

home, we grab a office chair or something?

One of us gets in the chair, spins around

and dramatically confronts him.

- I'm in the chair.

- Nick's in the chair.

- Why are you in the chair?

- He's my boss.

Maybe we should get three chairs

and all spin around at the same time.

Confront him like that.

That's not intimidating,

that's like a musical number.

Watch out for the cat.

Surprise!

Okay. It's a false alarm.

Just mingle, mingle, mingle.

Hi. Who are you?

Come inside. Close that door. Hurry.

Um, okay. Now, wait a minute.

You're the young man who helped Dave

out on the street the other night.

- That's him.

- Yeah, that's who I am.

- How is he?

- He is great, thanks to you. Thank you.

- Did I invite you?

- You did and you didn't.

I work with your husband. We're late.

-These are my plus-twos.

- He's in the garage.

Oh, we should hide.

Everybody, come on in.

- Someone get the lights.

-Get down, get down, get down.

I'm Kurt, by the way. I didn't

get a chance to introduce myself at the door.

- Oh, hey, Rhonda. Hi. Hi.

- Hi, Rhonda. Very nice to meet you.

Nick didn't tell me

his boss was married to a model.

Ha, ha. Yeah, not a model.

When did you quit?

Surprise!

Goddamn it! God, I hate that!

We got you, huh, honey?

- So you were surprised?

- Yeah.

Look, sweetie, everybody's here.

I'm gonna put my stuff down.

She knows I hate surprises.

I think we got him. Ha, ha.

We got him good.

Okay.

He's gone off on his own.

This is our chance.

- You guys ready?

- Yeah, very ready.

- Stay close, okay?

- Mm-hm.

Let's do it. Let's do it.

Harken.

I cannot believe my wife invited you.

What are you doing here?

Come to stab me a few more times?

- We know what you did.

- Well, what does that mean?

We were there. We saw you kill him.

Really?

So, what is this, then?

Your little shakedown?

You think that you can blackmail me...

...because you saw me

kill my wife's lover?

Say his name!

What?

The man you killed, you say his name.

Pellit? Trust me, Pellit's name

means nothing anymore.

There it is. Thank you. Let's do it, guys.

- Yeah, that's right.

-Hang on. Where the f*** is Kurt?

I killed Pellit.

Hold that thought,

I'm missing my friend Kurt.

I walked right up to his door, I put

a gun in his chest and I shot him.

Then you know what? You know

what I did after that? I shot him again.

And let me tell you something.

I liked it.

So if you think

that I'm some sort of p*ssy...

...who won't do exactly the same thing

to a couple of lame-assed blackmailers...

...think again.

Know who thinks you're a p*ssy?

My friend Kurt. Let me grab him.

You are pathetic, Hendricks.

You walk into my house on

my goddamn birthday and pull this sh*t.

Well, let me tell you something.

You're dead.

You and you.

- And...?

- Kurt.

Kurt. Dead men.

I didn't know it was your birthday.

What's he doing?

- What do you got?

- Getting my gun. Only take a second.

- I'll get the car.

- I'll go.

We had him, we had the whole goddamn

thing. What the f*** happened to Kurt?

- Hey!

-There you are.

Where were you?

My, uh, stomach was bothering me.

Had to use the bathroom.

He confessed everything,

now he's getting his gun.

- Kurt, what happened there?

-Oh, uh...

...she was giving me a tour

of the mouth-- House.

- Ow! What are you--?

- Get in the car. Right now.

- Knock it off.

- Come on.

Look, I wasn't thinking, okay? I'm sorry.

She's just very hot. And I'm weak.

I'm a weak, weak man, okay?

I admit it.

-Back it up, back it up.

- Oh, sh*t. Oh, sh*t.

- They found my DNA.

- Back it up.

Go backwards. Go backwards.

See? They found your poop brush.

- You are obsessed with your a**hole!

- No, I'm not. It was a prank, Dale.

Shut it down. Let's start talking about

where we're gonna live.

- The current situation won't work.

- There'll be cops everywhere.

You talking about fleeing?

Damn right.

I'm talking about Canada or Mexico.

I can't live in Mexico.

I mean, I can't handle the food.

My digestion alone-- I'll probably die.

- You'd rather be in jail the rest of your life?

- Shut the f*** up.

I'm getting a call. I gotta get this.

Hello?

Hello, lover.

Uh, look, Julia,

now's not a good time to talk.

-Hey, I'm not here.

- That's okay.

I actually meant to

call your home phone.

You know, tell Stacy about us.

-No, don't do that. Wait. Wait.

- We'll learn the metric system.

We gotta buy coats and sweaters

and learn hockey and all that sh*t.

No, I think I've waited long enough, Dale.

I'm sort of tired of you

toying with my emotions.

I'm not playing with you.

I'm not toying with you. I'm gonna

take care of it. I'm gonna take care of it.

Wait, wait, wait.

What are you gonna do to me?

- I'm gonna have sex with you.

- What?

I want you to give me details, you p*ssy.

And please be explicit.

Details? I'm in a car with people.

Now is not a good time for details.

-I don't care if it's not a great time.

- Okay, fine.

I'm gonna make you feel good.

You know?

With my fingers and my tongue

and whatnot.

I know you can do better than that.

All right, I'm gonna put my penis

in your p*ssy, Julia.

Oh, boy, that's gonna get me done.

What the f*** was that?

- What the f***?

- That's Harken. Lose him.

- Oh, my God!

- Get out of here.

Look, careful.

Hey, are you gonna slap me in the face

with your cock, Dale?

Yes, I'll slap you in the face

with my cock!

- This guy's f***ing crazy.

- Slap you all over your face with my cock!

- Don't get in a wreck.

- It's go time.

Okay. More, Dale.

I will go up and down on you...

...and I'll rub my naked butt

against your naked butt...

...until it's raw and red...

...and we're both really chafed up

real bad.

Not good. Get us out of here!

Get us out of here!

I got it, I got it.

- Come on.

- I'll spit on your arms and stuff.

-What else?

- And then I'm gonna...

...jam my skull

into the crack of your ass!

Yeah, baby. In the crack of your ass.

And I'll dance on your boobies,

and I'll jump up and down on your butt.

Ah. I'll see you Friday, dirty bird.

Good. Friday. See you Friday.

Nice job f***ing the crazy

out of her, Kurt!

Maybe I should have been

dancing on her b*obs, huh?

Maybe you should have.

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