Horrible Bosses Page #7

I should be panicking...

...and I am a little,

but it's in a very good way.

It's a good kind of panic

because I feel like I wanna die...

- ...but I also feel very, very, very good.

- Yeah.

Hey! What are you guys doing?

Nothing. But before we go,

I wanna take one more dump.

Take a dump and I'm gonna

do push-ups. Because I gotta get fit.

What the hell have you guys done?

I'm feeling good, dude.

Wanna help me clean?

We bond over this.

This is friendship stuff.

We broke into someone's house.

It's the most amazing experience of my life.

We broke into a man's house. Suddenly,

I'm like an expert at sifting cocaine.

It's amazing.

Come here and help me with this.

Can't believe we weren't prepared.

That was completely dangerous,

a total waste of time.

Well, no. Actually, not a total waste

of time. Look what I got.

- Not bad, huh?

- What is that?

-Is this his phone?

- That's his phone.

-You steal this?

- I sure did.

- It's got his contacts, schedule.

- Very nice.

- No.

- What do you mean, "no"?

That's a crime. Pfft. Nope. Ha.

No one said we'd be stealing.

- This is a good grab.

- We broke in! You guys did cocaine!

- Right. Two-- Three crimes.

- He's all jitzed out. Ignore him.

We're in the process of

getting ready to kill three people...

...and you're giving me sh*t

about stealing a phone?

Run it by me

if you'll be stealing stuff.

- Run it by you?

- Run it by me!

- Nick, will you hold this for a second?

- What are you doing?

"Run"? I'm not gonna run

anything by you.

I'm not gonna run anything by you.

D*ckhead.

- There's a lot of stuff in here.

- I know.

- Wanna go check out your boss now?

- Yeah, I guess we should.

- You don't punch the driver!

- You don't punch the f***ing driver.

I'm coked out of my f***ing brain.

I'll punch whoever the f*** I want to.

Let's do this, guys. Feeling good.

- Be very quiet out there.

- Calm down, Dale.

You know what? Hang on a second.

Dale? Dude, hold it. Last time the three

of us did this, it was very messy.

- It was awesome, exciting.

- It was clunky as hell.

Here's what we'll do. In the event that

Harken is not here, just me and Kurt go in.

You'll stay out here, not go in,

and be our lookout.

What? Are you kidding me?

That's awesome. I love that. The lookout.

- I don't know what the guy looks like.

- Doesn't matter.

You see anybody, just assume

that it's Harken, send us a signal.

- Okay? Have a seat.

- Okay.

Okay. Send a sig--

I'm gonna honk the horn six times.

- Goddamn it. No.

- Did he say "six"?

- Something much more subtle.

- That's too many.

- More subtle? Four honks?

- Can you honk once?

- Are you kidding?

- Not at all.

People honk once all the time.

You'll be in and out--

- We'll know it's you.

- Come on, man. Dale, two honks.

That kind of tone's gonna get you nowhere.

All right, two honks.

- Just two honks. A little tap, tap.

- Okay.

Two very long, very slow honks.

- I'm gonna check this window over here.

- Okay.

- There's nothing on that side.

-Yeah. I don't think there's anyone in there.

I think he's definitely out.

Maybe we can find a way in upstairs.

Yeah, or maybe there's a window open.

Or better yet....

That makes things easier, huh?

I like the way you think. Move.

- No, don't do that. Hey! God!

- Oh, sh*t.

I broke a rock.

Please tell me you realize

that was a key thingy.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

You weren't gonna

throw a rock through the door?

No, of course not.

No, I wanted to open it.

Like a real cat burglar.

Wow.

Just recon, now, okay?

Hey, take this. I don't want it.

I want my hands free.

You broke it.

I feel the intel--

- God!

-Okay, just a cat.

Out of nowhere.

Just a cat. We're all right.

Let's look upstairs. Come on.

They call me hell

They call me Stacey

That's not my name

That's not my name

That's not my name

That's not my name

They call me hell

They call me her

They call me hell

They call me Stacey

That's not my name

That's not my name

Oh! Goddamn it.

Jesus, how many cats do they have?

- It's the same one, I think. Yeah.

- Really?

Quick little bugger, huh?

Hey.

-Sh*t, is that Harken's wife?

- Yeah, that's her.

- Oh, man, she is hot.

- She sure is. Here we go.

I'd like to bend her over a barrel

and show her the 50 states.

- I don't know what that means.

- Ah, it's a saying.

- I don't think so.

- No, it is, it is. Yeah. No, people say that.

- I haven't heard it.

- I've definitely heard people say that.

I'm not gonna argue.

Let's continue the recon.

- Well, it's definitely a phrase.

-It sure isn't.

Yeah, it is. It's from a book.

The Great Gatsby, maybe?

Let's just look for an address book

or a day planner or something. You know?

You know, it's too bad we're not looking

for cats. These people f***ing love cats.

Hey, schmuckface.

You wanna tell me what you're doing

littering on my street?

I think what happened, ahem, was that

the wind blew it out of my hand.

I don't care if the wind

blew it out of your twat.

Why don't you take this piece-of-sh*t car

and get off my f***ing block.

I don't know why you're mad at the car.

I don't think we should get hostile now.

"Hostile"? You wanna see hostile?

How about I go in my house

and I get my--?

What are--?

What's going on with you?

Peanuts.

"Penis"?

Oh, peanuts.

That was a peanut butter sandwich.

Are you not good with peanuts?

What are you pointing at?

What's going on? What's here?

Oh, I got it! What do I do? What do I do?

"Check the needle, pump back, pump--"

Okay, hold on. I'm a slow reader.

"Hold the pump--" Okay, okay!

Jab it in your chest. Okay.

I got you, dude. Ready?

How you feeling, you good?

You good? Did I get you? Did I get you?

Whoa. Whoa. Dude, come here. Hurry.

Look at this.

- Is that Harken? Dale's killing Harken?

- That's Harken?

I'm gonna hit you again, okay?

- What is he doing?

-He's really doing it?

- This is the recon stage.

- Holy sh*t.

We gotta get out of here.

Come on, we gotta go. Oh, God.

I'm pushing on it. Okay.

What about little jabs? Little jabs?

Do I get your neck?

Was that good?

Come on, man!

Oh, my God.

Hey, hey! Come here!

What's going on? What are you doing?

What's happened?

I think he's okay! I hit him

with this. Do you know him?

Of course, he's my husband. Sweetie?

Honey? Sweetheart, are you okay?

- There he is. Hey.

- Ah. What did you do to me?

I saved you with your thingy.

It was incredible.

Oh, my God, sweetie.

He saved your life.

You saved his life.

Okay. That's cool.

- What's with the hugging?

- Saved your life!

Oh, sweetie, I am just so grateful

that he was here. You could have died.

-I'm sure you are grateful he's here.

- Yes, I am.

- You know this guy?

- No, I don't.

Are you f***ing this guy? What were

you doing, waiting to f*** my wife?

Dude, I just met your wife.

You want your thing back?

- You better get out of here.

- No problem.

Dave. Dave, what are you--? Honey?

Honey, you should be thanking this young

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