Horrible Bosses Page #8

man. Why are you being so suspicious?

Why? You know why I'm being suspicious.

Because I know you sleep

around on me.

That's ridiculous.

What about the way

you look at Maurilio?

You realize we're all going to jail

because of that idiot?

Man, I can't go to jail. Look at me.

I'll get raped like crazy.

F***, me too.

Yeah, totally.

I'd get raped just as much

as you would, Kurt.

- Do you think you're more rape-able?

- I'm not saying that.

- You're pretty close to saying--

- Oh, f***.

Holy sh*t.

Did you guys see me out there?

Yeah, we saw you, Dale.

Shh. Yeah, we saw that.

How cool was that?

It wasn't cool at all.

We come out to gather information...

...and you start stabbing Harken to death

in front of the neighborhood?

- Harken?

- Who'd you think you were stabbing?

I wasn't stabbing anyone.

He had an allergic reaction to some peanuts

and I rescued him, know what I mean?

He had a little allergy shot on him

and I--

I mean, I jabbed him with that,

but I was just saving his life.

-Saved a man's life.

- Hang on a second.

So my boss, who we're

thinking about planning to kill...

...is dying in front of you

and you saved his life?

Well, that sounds bad

when you say it like that.

- Can you open the door?

- That's not cool.

-But I didn't know it was Harken.

- Hit the button.

This is why I need to know

what people look like.

You're mad at me for killing him....

Can we give him a time-out?

For one second.

Make up your f***ing mind. It's like--

What is this?

You gotta admit

we got some good intel tonight.

Harken is allergic to peanuts

and Pellit's got a huge stash of cocaine.

Are you playing this game?

So all we gotta do is figure a way to get

peanuts somewhere into Harken's house...

...and put some poison in Pellit's coke.

It's easy for someone to think

Pellit got a bad batch of cocaine.

You seriously locking me

out of the car like we're in 8th grade?

What about Harken? Probably

always got that injector thing.

Doesn't shower with it.

So then we'll put some peanuts

inside his shampoo.

A couple of fatal accidents

we're not even there for.

- Motherf***er Jones would be so proud.

- Yeah, he would.

- Getting old.

- What do you do about dummy's boss?

I'll stake her out tomorrow

and get to the bottom of it.

- A man has his limits.

-That left a f***ing dent.

Get him f***ing home.

Very funny. That was very funny, guys.

We have one thing to figure out,

if you can help us.

If Nick and I were in prison,

who do you think would get raped more?

Nick.

Really? Why?

It's about weakness and vulnerability.

It's not a looks thing.

It probably would be Nick.

Getting locked out of the car

is bullshit, man.

That's an awesome deal.

Jesus, Dale. It's a murder,

not a cocktail party.

I know. You don't have to

announce that to the world.

There was a great deal on nuts.

I'm not gonna pass up on savings.

Okay, so this is it.

I'm doing Pellit, you're gonna do Harken,

and you'll get some intel from Julia, right?

- Copy that.

- Okay. See you on the other side.

Okay.

- Thank you, Kimmy.

- You're welcome.

That was great.

- See you next time.

- Yeah.

-Thank you, Bill.

- Thank you, Bobby.

What?

Whew.

Oh.

Sh*t.

-Hey.

- How's it going over there?

-What do you know about Julia?

- I learned I gotta switch dentists...

...because this woman

is unbelievably hot.

- How's it going over there?

- Uh, it's--

Just-- I'm waiting for, you know,

Pellit to sleep or leave or....

Just-- Just waiting.

Wonder what, uh,

Dale's doing with Harken.

It's gonna be really hard.

And we'll have to work at this every day,

but I wanna do that because I want you.

I want all of you forever, you and me,

every day--

Everybody was kung-fu fighting

Everybody was kung-fu fighting

Give me that.

Give it to me.

Jesus. Where does this guy

get the energy?

Oh, yeah.

What the f*** was that?

Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay.

- Yeah, Dale?

- I don't think I can do this.

Look, I know

you really hate Harken but...

...I don't think

I can go through with it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I know. I've been thinking

the same thing.

-Yeah, let's just call it off.

-What the f***?

- What?

- It's Harken. He's here.

He's at Pellit's? Why?

I don't know. He's walking

right up to the front door.

- You think he's onto us?

- How the f*** do I know?

Knock a little louder?

What? What?

Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ,

Harken just shot Pellit.

Are you sure?

Holy sh*t. Pellit opened up the door,

Harken shot him in the chest...

...he fell down, he shot him again

in the head.

He shot him? Wait, what's going on?

I don't understand. He shot him?

Nick? Say something.

Nick, Nick.

Nick! Nick, Nick, talk to me.

Nick, what's happening?

What's going on?

- How's Pellit doing?

- Still pretty f***ing dead, Dale.

I gotta get out of here before somebody

sees me. Meet me at the bar. I'll call Kurt.

Yeah. I'll meet you there.

I might throw up a couple times in the toilet

here, but then I'll meet you there.

Oh.

Oh, Toyota.

Stay calm. We'll figure this out.

"Calm"?

I saw a guy get shot an hour ago.

- I know. A guy you were gonna kill anyway.

- Listen, I don't know about that.

- What?

- Don't know if I had it in me.

I freaked out and panicked,

got out of there.

Are you kidding?

You can't change a plan like this--

I'm not a murderer.

You think when it came down to it,

you'd be able to kill Julia?

I don't know. Maybe you're right.

It is a little hard to imagine killing her now.

-"Now"?

- Wait, what does that mean?

- Did you sleep with her?

- No, no.

- Tell me you didn't sleep with her.

-You're a mess.

But this time it wasn't my fault,

I swear to God.

You will be a suspect

if you try and kill her now.

At first I was surveilling her,

like I was asked to do.

- She's incredibly hot, by the way. So hot.

- Don't talk about how hot she is, bastard.

Next thing,

she starts deliberately undressing.

Come on.

In front of her window with the lights on.

-Like she knew I was watching.

- "Deliberately undressed"?

Slowly, seductively,

lot of shoulder moves...

...is clearly putting on a show.

-Next she makes herself a little snack.

- She have a nice chest?

A Popsicle.

-Then a banana.

- Come on.

-And finally, a hot dog. I mean, come on.

- Now I don't believe your story.

Three penis-shaped foods,

that can't be a coincidence, right?

Eating them in that weird order?

Not a proper meal.

It's cold to hot.

Fine. So you took the penis foods

as an invitation to f*** her.

No, no. God, no. I took her invitation

to f*** her as an invitation to f*** her.

She lured me in. It was

like one of these things.

- Something clinically wrong with you.

- You're a whore.

Come on. That's not nice, okay?

Look, your problem's solved.

She won't mess with you anymore.

Can we move on?

Let's talk about what happened to Pellit.

All right, okay. Let me think. Okay,

here's what I'm thinking. Here's my idea.

We call the cops

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