Horse Feathers Page #3

Sure! So roses are red,

so violets are blue,

so sugar is sweet,

so so are you.

I bet I know who it is.

To protect the heart, or cardium,

Mother Nature has provided a sac,

called the pericardium.

Any questions?

Yes. When you gonna

cut the watermelon open?

Psychopathically,

the duodenum is in inverse ratio

to the coordination of the palyphus.

Is this stuff on the level, or are you

just making it up as you go along?

Why, everything I told you can be

found in the simplest anatomy book.

I'm sure my students will bear me out.

- We'll bear you out.

Let that be a lesson to all of you.

This school

will be here long after you're gone.

That goes for you, too.

Leave me alone!

Let us follow a corpuscle

on its journey.

Oh, my mistake,

I thought I was a corpuscle.

There is constant warfare

between the red and white corpuscles.

Now, baboons, what is a corpuscle?

- That's easy.

There's a captain, then a lieutenant,

then there's a corpuscle.

That's fine. Why don't you bore a hole

in yourself and let the sap run out.

We now find ourselves among the Alps,

simple people who eat rice and shoes.

Beyond are more Alps, and the Lord

Alps those who Alp themselves.

The blood rushes from the head to the

feet, gets a look at those feet,

and rushes back to the head again.

This is known as auction pinochle.

We first listen to your hearts beat,

and if your hearts beat anything

but diamonds and clubs, your partner

is cheating. Or your wife.

Now take this point, for instance...

That reminds me. Where's my son?

Well, the human body

takes many strange forms.

Now, here is a most unusual organ.

The organ will play a solo

immediately after the feature picture.

Scientists examine rats, or

your landlord who won't cut the rent.

And what do they find? Asparagus.

Now, on closer examination...

This needs closer examination.

In fact, it needs a nightgown.

Baravelli, who did this?

Is this your picture?

It doesn't look like me.

- Well, take it away

and hang it in my bedroom.

Now, who did it?

So you're the culprit.

Young man, you can't

burn the candle at both ends.

Well, I was wrong.

I thought it was a candle.

Well, you must be punished.

You stay after school.

But I didn't do anything.

I know, but there's no fun

keeping him after school.

Now, we'll have no more interruptions.

According to von Steinmetz,

the eminent physiologist, a group of

phagocytes...

According to von Steinmetz,

the eminent physiologist, a group of

er, phagocytes...

According to von...

According to von Steinmetz...

According to von Steinmetz, a group

of white phagocytes is present.

And they are essential

to prolonging life.

My left wing has been turned,

my rear end has been cut off.

But I'll fight it out on these lines...

They got me!

Hello.

Oh, it's you, Frank.

Why, of course,

I'd love to have you come over.

Alright, I'll be expecting you then.

Goodbye, darling.

Who are you calling "darling"?

- Frank Wagstaff, the professor's son.

I didn't tell you to fall for him,

just to find out about his team.

He says Huxley will win.

I've got my bankroll bet on Darwin,

and I'm taking no chances.

Before the game starts

I'll have the Huxley signals.

Down the hatch and on my way.

See you later.

Bye, dear.

Are you still here.

- I just came in.

What do you mean, am I still here?

- I mean, are you hear already?

I shouldn't be here. The old man

gave me a terrible bawling out.

Don't worry about him,

he'll never know you were here.

How about a little drink?

- Alright, I'll get you one. - Please!

Are you Miss Bailey?

Come, come, one of us is!

- I'm Miss Bailey, and who are you?

I'm Prof. Wagstoff. Who are you?

- Miss Bailey!

Then you are Miss Bailey.

Thought you could fool me.

You've got to give my son up.

- Give him up?

He's all I've got, apart from

a picture of George Washington.

But... - Lies! He's a shell of his

former self, which nobody can deny.

I tell you you're ruining him.

Did he tell you that you have

beautiful eyes? - Why, yes.

Told me that, too. Tells everyone!

I could sit on your lap all day

if you didn't stand up.

Quick, get out! That door.

I don't want any ice.

Who was that? - The ice man.

- You can't pull the wool over my ice.

The ice man leaves me cold.

Here you are...

- So, I caught you at last.

You are fooling around with her.

Oh, the shame of it.

A son taking a dame from his father.

- Dad... - Enough, get out of here!

I'll settle with this woman, then

we'll have you to dinner. Let's go.

Follow me.

Be a lamp in the window

for my wandering boy.

Where were we?

Oh yes, I was on your lap.

And doing pretty well, as I recall it.

Hurry, get out! Hurry!

And remember, stay undercover.

- I've more students in the college.

You dropped your ice.

I don't want any ice!

- Neither do I.

Now do you want any ice?

- No!

Oh, you're beautiful.

You're overcoming me.

- Thanks for reminding me.

I like you. You got something.

I'm gonna tell him he's crazy.

Professor, what are you doing here?

Nothing, since you came in.

You know him?

- He put me on the football team.

Now I just have to get him

off the couch.

Read any good books lately?

This must be the main highway.

Follow me,

I've been doing this all day.

Pretty popular place. - Yeah,

a hot dog stand would clean up.

What are you doing here?

- Me? I'm the music teacher.

Since when?

- Since you came in.

And you? - I'm the plumber. In case

something goes wrong with her pipes.

I haven't used that joke for 20 years.

Take a deep breath and follow me.

Cosy place we have here.

You sing high, eh?

- I have a falsetto voice.

My last pupil,

she gotta false set of teeth.

So maybe it's better you don't sing.

That's much better. I'll sing.

"Everyone says I love you,

the big mosquito when he sting you,

the fly when he's stuck on

the fly paper, too, says I love you.

Every time the cow says "moo",

she's making the bull very happy too,

and the rooster when he holler

cock-a-doodly-doo, says I love you.

Christopher Columbo, he write

the Queen of Spain a nice little note,

he say how I love you, then he get

a great big boat. He's a wise guy.

What you think Columbo do,

when he's coming here in 1492,

He says to Pocahontas, atch-a catchy

coo, which means I love you!"

Maybe it's better I don't sing, too.

- Yes. - Alright, I'll play.

I love good music. - So do I,

let's get out of here. - Sit down.

I've got to stay here. But you folks

can go into the lobby till it's over.

Well, that's all for the first lesson.

Next week I teach you how to breathe.

Don't breathe before then.

If this is a singing lesson,

I'm a ring-tailed monkey.

Keep your family out of it. Baravelli!

- What?

Are you going my way? - Yes.

- Then I'm staying here.

No you don't. And if I find you here

again, it'll be curtains.

Tell my son to take that lamp down.

Dad!

You've got the wrong football players.

- The whole team?

No, Baravelli and the dog catcher.

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