Hot Tub Time Machine Page #10

I'm doing it! I'm doing it!

It's gonna take me a while

'cause I'm a little drunk.

Oh, no, it's not. Here I come.

Oh, my God, I'm gonna come! I'm gonna...

Oh, Shia LaBeouf!

Dropping loads!

So much f***ing semen.

Little tiny Jacobs!

There's my boy.

It was so beautiful. You sack of sh*t!

I knew there was a reason

I f***ing hated you.

And now I know why.

I'm gonna tell everybody in prison

that I traveled back in time

to kill my own father!

- Jacob, get off him. Come on!

- Time out, young man.

Get the f*** off of me!

You're a f***ing dead man!

- Jacob!

- Nobody fucks my mother in the past!

I feel pregnant.

You're welcome.

You Commies looking for this?

- Yes, actually.

- Yes, we are.

That's what we're looking for.

You think we could get that back?

No, you may not.

But bad news for you, sport. I'm a patriot.

And I'm not about to let some

Ruskie fucks come into my town

and blow sh*t up with some

red-soda-can bomb.

Just give it to us, turtleneck.

Yeah, okay, you can have it back.

As long as that sack over there

comes and takes it from me.

- I think he's talking about you.

- He's talking about you.

He's obviously talking about me.

Blaine, hello.

Um...

Can I please get the soda back?

Yeah, sure you can.

Oh.

Okay.

F*** me in the face.

Get him a body bag, Blaine!

Give us a minute, okay?

Listen to me, man.

That guy, that guy has pummeled you

again and again.

He made you his little b*tch.

He's humiliated you, emasculated you.

The wheel of fate has stopped

and dumped you here again,

utterly defeated.

None of this is helping me at all.

I know, it's coming. It's coming right now.

Patience.

Maybe you're supposed to do

something different.

What is this, girl talk?

Let's go here, come on.

You're better than him.

America!

Maybe not by a lot, but a little.

You're the patron saint

of the totally f***ed.

You're completely toxic.

There's nothing you can't kill.

You're the f***ing Violator!

The moment's over. Let's go!

You can do this!

You can get us the f*** out of here!

You can be the hero!

Enrique-f***ing-Iglesias.

You love that song, don't you?

I love that f***ing song!

Give me your best shot. Come on, buddy.

I can be your hero, baby

I can kiss away the pain

I will stand by you forever

You can take my breath away

Sh*t.

God damn it!

None of what you said worked at all.

Let's kick these guys' ass,

get the sh*t and go home.

Done.

No, no!

F*** you! Feels so good!

The Chernobly.

Martina Navratilova.

Smirnoff Ice.

That's right, we are Russians! Spies.

Yeah, because I was just speaking Russian.

He pulls that top,

and this whole f***ing place blows.

You guys count backwards from 50,

then pull up the carpet and jump around.

Or I'll f*** you up.

Hi, Phil.

Can we go back to the hotel, lodge?

- Sure.

- Thank you so much.

- Five, four, three...

- Blaine, please stop counting.

Chaz, this is an Acorn 5 situation.

If we stop counting,

they're gonna blow us sky-high.

Look, if it is a bomb,

they've got it with them, all right?

If anyone's gonna blow up, it's them.

Chaz, stop!

How long did our talking just take?

I don't know.

I wasn't keeping track.

F*** it, let's risk it! Move out!

Now that you're with me,

you gotta cover up your belly.

Let's get the f*** out of here.

What are you talking about?

We only had sex once.

Let's go. Come on.

Kelly, you can talk about it later.

- You guys are all right?

- Thank you, Phil. Enjoyed it.

Have a good rest of your vacation.

We'd love to have you come back here

to the Silver Peaks Lodge.

- Thanks. Bye-bye.

- Thanks, Phil. Take care.

Be careful.

Hey, watch out!

God, you guys see that?

Come on, man!

Why would you f***ing

take that from me?

I didn't take it from you.

You guys...

Oh, my God!

It happened! It happened!

Why the f*** are you laughing? Gross!

Man down, man down! Code 11.

All right,

everybody grab your gear, we gotta move!

Later, Kelly.

Bye, Mom. Love you. Don't do drugs, okay?

Hey, bye.

Aren't you coming to my room with me?

No, I gotta take my clothes off

and get in a hot tub with these guys.

Then I'm totally over you.

Kelly, listen. It's

been an interesting trip.

You're my sister and I love you.

I love you, too.

And don't steal that

Caboodle makeup thing from JCPenney

and you won't do any hard time.

I'll see you in 20 years.

Uh. You're giving me a ride

in the morning, right?

Hallelujah!

Cannonball!

Yeah! Let's get this party started!

Young blood.

Holy sh*t!

Hey, look, it's happening.

Here it comes!

Hurry up. I can see the '90s.

Why are you taking off your clothes?

I don't know, man.

It just feels right, you know?

F*** it.

Adam! Adam! I'm not gonna go!

- What?

- I'm gonna stay!

Don't f*** around, Lou. Let's go!

I'm good here, man.

I had a good day!

I beat the sh*t out of that guy, finally!

I f***ed your sister!

I could be a good dad!

I love you, Jacob!

F*** you!

Little scamp.

They say the damndest things, man.

Come on, Lou, let's go!

We'll talk about it when we get home!

I was trying to kill myself!

I know, man. That's why we came here!

If I go back, I'm just gonna

kill myself all over again, man.

- I can't.

- You're gonna stay?

Guys, let's go.

All right, well, if you're gonna stay,

I'm gonna stay!

You'd really do that for me?

We're best friends!

If you're staying, I'm staying!

Your bullshit's my bullshit, right?

I'm your best friend?

You are one of my best friends!

- I'll take that!

- Where you going on me?

Thank you!

Oh, my God!

All right, man. Come on!

Holy sh*t.

This better be the last time

my ass travels through time.

Oh...

It is so good to see you.

Are we rolling?

Welcome back, b*tches!

Is that Lou?

What took you so long?

All right, zoom out.

Yeah, that's a weird hair choice.

Uh-oh. Look what Daddy did.

He looks like a lion.

Oh, hi. Didn't see you there.

Here's a question.

Was it morally wrong for me to exploit

my knowledge of the future

for personal financial gain?

Perhaps.

Here's another question.

Do I give a f***?

That's my father.

Hey, check out my girl.

You burned the f***ing crab cakes again.

No, I didn't burn them

because I like them that way!

I f***ing hate you, Louis.

I hate you, too, baby.

I love that woman, man.

Those are my parents.

But seriously, a lot has changed.

So, whatever happens, stay the f*** calm.

It'll all make sense soon.

Good morning.

Holy sh*t, Phil, you got both your arms.

Oh. Yeah, I do.

That's incredible.

Yeah, what happened was

a snowplow came along

and it took my arm right off.

But the ski patrol came along

and they put it on ice.

Blaine and Chaz.

Blaine and Chaz saved his arm!

We got 15 minutes

before that thing dies, all right.

We're gonna put that back on you!

I'm pretty happy.

It looks great.

Anyhow, I have instructions

on how to get home.

- We know how to get home.

- Yeah. We know...

Mr. Dorchen anticipated

that you might say that,

so I took the liberty

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes