Hot Tub Time Machine Page #4

One little thing is changed,

the whole system can go haywire.

Do you understand what I'm saying?

The whole system can go haywire

if you change one little thing.

Wait a minute.

We need that to get back in time?

Well, you're back here.

I mean, I can tell you've all been

to Kodiak Valley before.

- I haven't.

- Maybe not her,

but I know that you were here.

You know what's going on here,

don't you, old man?

Yes, I do.

Your tub is on the fritz.

It'd behoove you to fix it.

What?

It's working.

- Damn. I think it's still broke.

- Sh*t.

Where'd he go?

That motherf***er's in on it, man.

What was all that cryptic sh*t he was

saying about not changing one little thing?

I know exactly what he meant.

He was talking about the butterfly effect.

That was a great f***ing movie.

One little change has a ripple effect

and it affects everything else.

Like, a butterfly floats its wings

and Tokyo explodes,

or there's a tsunami in, like, somewhere.

Dude, yes, exactly. Or you step on a bug

and the f***ing Internet's never invented.

Then you have to talk to girls

with your mouth.

Yeah. I was more concerned about bigger

consequences, like me not being born.

Oh, yeah. No, I don't care about that.

The point is, what did we do 20 years ago?

Let's figure it out right now.

We gotta do the exact same thing.

- I had that gig.

- That's right.

You got up on stage

and you were wildly mediocre.

And that led to nothing of a career.

Okay, first of all, f*** you, motherf***er!

I could have had a career,

but I got married

and I went a different way.

Which way is that? The way that sucked?

Didn't you also bang that groupie?

- What was her name?

- Tara.

You banged her.

You got to go do that again.

I did do that. But, f***, no, I'm married!

I can't go around banging girls in hot tubs.

Nick, it's 1986. You can't cheat

on someone you don't know yet.

You haven't even met Courtney.

Lucifer, itinerary please.

Uh... Nothing really happened.

I actually f***ed a chick, too.

So I'll just do that.

I seem to remember

you getting your ass whooped.

- Oh, yeah.

- That's right.

That ski patrol dude

pummeled you like it was his job.

- Yeah, no. I don't remember it that way.

- I do.

Yeah. He f***ed you up.

You cried and peed.

F*** this, man! This is f***ing bullshit!

Would you just think of somebody

other than yourself, man?

- There's four of us.

- It's the f***ing '80s, guys!

Let's do what we wanna do. Free love!

That's the '60s, dipshit.

No, we had, like, Reagan and AIDS.

Let's get the f*** out of here, okay?

Do the right thing, Violator.

God damn it! This is f***ing bullshit!

Tonight's the night

you broke up with Jenny Stedmeyer.

- Sh*t.

- Yeah, you got stabbed

in the f***ing eyeball tonight!

Hey, man, do you want backup?

I can't, the butterflies won't let me.

Yo, Adam? You guys in there?

Oh, sh*t.

There you are. Hey!

How come you guys didn't meet us

at the chair lift this morning?

You were going to show me some moves.

Hi, baby. I missed you.

I must have forgot.

Perv. That's from Mandy.

- Hey, new guy. What's up?

- Hey.

So we're in 214. I'm gonna go get ready.

- Okay.

- Meet me in my room, okay?

- Okay.

- Okay.

Love the PJs, Nick. You look hot.

Poison's tonight.

Wow!

I don't remember her

being that f***ing beautiful.

And tight.

She's so tight.

She's really f***ing tight!

She's the great white buffalo, man.

- Great white buffalo.

- Great white buffalo.

Don't start that.

- Great white buffalo.

- Great white buffalo.

Why did I ever break up with her?

Why would I break up with her?

Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter.

'Cause you have to do it again. Right?

Right, right, right.

All right.

We're all gonna meet back here.

Hopefully that hot tub's fixed

and we can get the f*** out of here.

Okay, let's party like it's 1986.

All right. On three?

- One, two, three...

- One, two, three...

- Hot tub time machine!

- Wait...

What are we... What's the...

Who said, "Hot tub time machine?"

We didn't tell you about

the new thing, with our hands?

- No.

- On three, we always...

From now on, we're gonna say,

"Hot tub time machine."

I told you, I think that's f***ing stupid.

You were in the bathroom.

No, but this is a real

bonding event for us.

This doesn't happen all the time.

- Come on.

- I'm telling you, it's stupid.

- Do it once.

- Do what you want to do.

It would have been 3-to-1 anyway.

One, two, three...

...hot tub time machine!

It felt good. Admit it.

Hey!

Let's get this party started!

Who is carrying me home tonight?

Mom?

- Sweet f***ing Lord.

- Kelly.

- Hey, bro, Nicholas.

- Hey, girl.

- Who's the geek?

- He's your son.

That's not appropriate.

I'm sun... Sunshine.

Sunshine.

'Cause I'm here to brighten your day.

That's Jacob. Your...

He's totally cool.

- He doesn't look cool.

- He's not that cool.

Hey, Kelly.

Lou Dorchen. Yeah...

- You don't remember this?

- I don't remember everything.

What the f***, man?

This is freaking me the f*** out.

You freak out every time

you leave the basement.

All right, kiddies, get your snow boots on

because tonight

there is gonna be a blizzard.

Really? It looked pretty clear out.

Anybody wanna go for a little sleigh ride?

You can't do cocaine!

It's so unhealthy for you.

- Kelly, in public?

- Whatever.

I'm gonna go to a party

at the ski patrol house,

I'm gonna find a sexy instructor

and I'm gonna wax his f***ing pole.

Later, homos. Don't drink my f***ing drink.

Ugh!

Hey, Adam?

What she means is that she works

at the ski rental place, right?

And that's her job, is cleaning the poles.

I could be off, but I think

it's in reference to blowing a dude.

Thank you, Nick. But that's...

You don't need to...

Or f***ing a dude. Because the wax,

it can be interpreted either way.

She was a free spirit, you know?

Or maybe she's the pole

and there's two dudes that she's waxing.

Let's just get it done, man. Come on.

- Hey, Lou.

- What?

Did my mom, like,

sleep with a bunch of dudes?

I don't know. Shut up.

But she seems kind of slutty, right?

Does she seem that way to you?

It's just, she never told me who my dad is.

It could be any one of these guys.

'Cause I was born, like,

nine months from now.

Yeah? So what does that mean?

It means do the math, dipshit.

I could have been conceived this weekend.

Oh, sh*t. Check this out.

That's that f***ing bellhop.

I hate that guy.

This must be

where he loses the arm!

- Sh*t!

- Thank you!

I think we should tell him.

This is gruesome.

Don't you dare f***ing tell him.

You'll screw the time thing up.

Yeah!

- Yes!

- What the f***?

Yeah!

- Boo! We just got f***ing robbed.

- What are you talking about?

- He's great, man.

- Come on!

Jenny.

- Jenny?

- I'm in the bathroom. Come in.

What do you think?

Oh, my God.

What? Do I look fat?

No. You look really beautiful.

Aw! Thank you.

How about me, do I look different?

Do I look kind of older?

No.

You look cute, though.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes