House Party 3 Page #4

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No, Kid.

Look, okay.

Just have the food there. Thank you.

Yo, the food better be on.

Your sister better be on.

Your mother's on.

Your grandmama's straight on.

PLAY:
Check this out.

After this tour you two are gonna be the bomb.

You're gonna blow up.

Trust me. Trust me.

Now you're gonna remember to listen

to that tape I gave you, right?

Of course, I listen to anything worth holding onto,

and believe me you two definitely got something

I got to get my hands on. Word up, you know?

Talent scouting again, huh, heh.

Play, you workaholic.

Know what? I gotta take care of something real quick.

I'll get right back at you. We're gonna get into this.

We're gonna get into this.

Janelle, what's up, sweetheart?

Tell me something, Play.

Doesn't it ever bother you?

What?

Misleading women the way you do.

Misleading women?

Yeah.

Janelle, they are a group.

I am a manager.

In the entertainment business, they work together.

I'm working with them.

Come on, now, you know my style.

And helping yourself to some while you're at it, right?

You coming off like they're supposed to be helpless females.

I mean, let's think about it here,

has it occurred to you that perhaps they're enjoying this

just as much as I am? Ever thought about that?

Yeah, I have, and it frightens me.

Look, the sooner we get this started,

the sooner I can get out of here.

Now, did you reserve the tuxes for the ushers?

Yes, I reserved the tuxes for the ushers

and I'm gonna pay for them too.

That's the least you could do. The bride pays for everything.

And it'll be the last thing she pays for.

After that ring is on her finger,

that's her carte blanche to do what she pleases.

While my man's breaking his back,

because she turns to the gimme gimme girl.

I knew you was primitive,

but I didn't think you was a pure caveman.

I guess it goes down like that with those gold-digging,

hoochie-mama, gut bucket skeezas you attract,

but tell me something, what do you really have to offer?

I mean, really?

Well, it just so happens that what I have to offer

might be more than you can handle, Janelle.

And when you are ready to become a full-fledged woman,

why don't you give me a call?

Baby, I'm full, I'm fledged,

and I'm all woman,

but I need more than a snack.

I need a whole meal.

Janelle, sweetheart,

woman, I'll have you talking in tongues.

Tsk.

I gotta go.

I'll bet you do.

You done lost your mind.

And uh, speaking of tongues,

like I said, you two are gonna be big.

Man, I ain't got no money.

I got to get the millionaire's fund.

Come on, multiplatinum.

Oh, multiplatinum, baby, I'll be rich.

Oh, you'll be paid today.

Pay him up.

You pay him up, punk.

Everybody pay me up. Come on. Both of you pay.

What's up, guys? What's going on?

What's up, cousin Kid?

What kind of game is that?

The music biz.

Yep.

The music biz.

This one's a concert promoter.

Yeah, this beautiful woman right here is,

Mm-mm, unh.

is a groupie.

See, Kid, we're ready.

We got the game down.

Now it's about getting paid big-time.

You know real money.

KID:
Look, it's not easy, okay?

I've been in the music business four years now

and it doesn't get any easier.

It's very difficult.

And you have to work really hard.

Don't worry, Kid. We're smart.

We see how to do it wrong by watching you and Play.

[KIDS CHUCKLE]

Y'all some good teachers.

[SCOFFS]

[DOOR BELL RINGS]

Hey, boy!

KID:
Uncle Vester.

Kid.

Aunt Lucy.

Oh.

Look at that woman there.

Lord have mercy.

Oh, Vester, heh, it's so good to see you, ha, ha.

Come here, woman.

Oh.

There.

I'm over here.

[BOTH LAUGH]

How you doing?

Heh.

You still crazy as a betsy bug,

Heh.

and looking good too, woman.

Like a sandwich. What's up, Kid?

You're the yellow version of your pappy.

Aunt Lucy... Mm.

Damn.

Boy, I miss your father.

KID:
So do I.

Damn. I wish he was here.

Me too, Uncle Vester.

Besides, he owe me a $150.

Uncle Vester, do you remember me?

Do I remember you? Let me tell you.

Last time, boy, I saw you, you was his size,

and last time, boy, I saw you,

you was his size, and last time I saw you,

there was doo-doo in your drawers.

Hey, man, you just got here,

don't be sweating me like that.

VESTER:
Sweating.

I ain't began to sweat you.

First thing tomorrow, we're going down to Elmo's barbershop

and cut that Jamaican voodoo stuff off of your head.

You better regulate your uncle before I bust a cap in his butt.

What you say to me?

What you say to me, boy? Let me tell you something.

I said Uncle Vester cool like that.

That's what I thought you said, heh.

That's what I thought you said.

You right. Aunt Lucy, heh, I bought you something.

You know I can't come

Oh.

without bringing you anything.

You didn't.

Hey, my favorite auntie, heh, yeah.

Ha, ha, you know I did. Look here. This is for you.

Oh, Vester.

Heh, ha, ha.

Isn't that beautiful?

If lost, please return to 1637 Blast Ave., Los Angeles.

Vester.

Sit down.

Okay, look, all right. All right.

I think it's about that time, guys.

Let's go to bed, and we'll play tomorrow.

I'll take them upstairs, come on.

Where's the stairs, honey?

The stairs are right where they've always been.

Okay.

Doggone right.

Ten o'clock. Supposed to be in bed any doggone way.

Only my Kool-Aid don't know the flavor.

Ain't my business.

So, boy, you're getting married, man.

So tell me about your financee. Is she pretty?

Oh, my fiance?

Yeah.

KID:
Ooh, oh, she's very pretty.

Can she cook?

Oh, yes, she can cook.

You, you don't have... She ain't knocked up, is she?

No, no.

Good. Good.

Well, you got Uncle Vester's blessings.

Uncle Vester gonna go upstairs. I'm kind of tired.

Uncle Vester, before you go, I wanted to ask you something.

What you need, son?

Well, see, my girl and I,

we get along fine.

Uh-huh.

But I'm just having a little problem

getting her parents to like me.

Parents?

Why get 'em to like you for? Boy, just be yourself.

If people don't like you if you're being yourself,

f*** them.

Let me tell you something.

I just got a girl when I was about your age.

I always tried to please her pappy all the time,

went out of my way to please her pappy.

I come in one day, I said, "Nice weather we have,"

and he said, "You can't say that.

You can't say that. It might rain."

I said, "Nice tie you got on."

He said you can't say that. My wife tried to choke me with.

The point I'm trying to tell you, son, is be yourself.

People don't like being yourself, f*** them!

F*** them up against the wall

with handcuffs on and Krazy Glue on their lips.

That's all you do.

Hmm.

Words to live by.

Live by them, son.

Um, I'm gonna go to the club now, uh, Uncle Vester,

and just go.

VESTER:
You go on and enjoy yourself, boy.

You're about to sell your soul in a couple of days.

Brother, you did a good job.

It's a good kid.

Always been a good kid.

That's why I call him Kid, heh.

Boy just need some goddamn fun

like Casper the friendly ghost.

Scared the hell out of me when I came here.

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