House Party 3 Page #9

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Well, he's having a bachelor party over at the Motel 6.

Which Motel 6? There's 29 of them.

I don't know. I'm from Detroit.

He probably went to the one on Washington.

You know, they give complimentary 40 ounces.

You better not be lying, boy.

Come on.

[]

Those some nice hooves you got there, girl.

I got one bean for you. One.

How about a biscuit, baby?

Oh, please.

Hey, hey. Now, that's what I'm talking about.

I'm guilty, guilty as charged.

I was willing, take me.

Cuff me, baby. Cuff me!

PLAY:
Oh, yeah. Once again, it's on.

Hey, what up?

PLAY:
Stinky! I'm gonna get this, boy.

What's up, baby. How are you doing?

How are you doing? Just sitting here queening.

I don't believe you gonna do this.

I don't believe you getting married.

You going out.

Why I got to be going out?

Why can't I have a do-right woman

and I'm trying to do right by?

You ain't doing right until tomorrow.

Tonight, your hos is here.

I'm gonna to tear this party up!

Right now, I'm hungry!

[GIBBERING]

Food, food, food!

Nigga, now that's an ex-con.

Nigga made me proud.

Yeah, those 40 ounces really do upgradable Motel 6.

The only reason I mess around with them.

[CAR THUDDING]

MAN:
Hey, what...

[SHOUTING]

F***ing damn!

My son of a...

You wait till I get my hands on that cold-blooded man!

[]

Right here, and make sure she doesn't have any more.

She's drunk enough already.

Oh, Cathy's drunk again?

Every time she goes somewhere, she gets drunk.

This party is too much.

Girl, this is a great party, Janelle.

Only the best for you girl. Only the best.

And the night is still young, honey.

[WHOOPING]

KID:
And I said no women,

but is it my imagination

or do we have an extra amount of fat women here tonight?

Look, don't sweat it, man.

It's my cousin, Stinky, man. This is his thing, his posse.

Look, I didn't want any women, just the fellas.

Damn, they're big.

[]

[AUNT LUCY LAUGHING]

[]

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Come in.

You okay, Aunt Lucy?

What is all that noise downstairs?

Uh, few of the fellas came by for Kid's bachelor party.

And what about this movie you brought me?

Oh, that was Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, Aunt Lucy.

That's no turtle. That's ass.

[CHUCKLES]

Be in touch, Aunt Lucy.

Call us if you need us.

See you.

Marques, where's the food?

I snuck out of the house to come here and I'm hungry.

We got a caterer coming, baby.

I'll bet those cons took the food to the hotel.

I know. Let's go find out what's happening. Come on.

[]

Oh, kiddo, kiddo, mild for a Kid 'n Play jammy jam jam.

Some swollen motherfuckers in here tonight.

Ooh, I sure am hungry.

Man, what the f*** is your problem?

The problem is that this food ain't paid for.

Ain't nobody eating till I get the rest of my money.

Oh! But you let these two policewomen here eat.

Oh, oh, oh. They got guns too.

Eh, we got warrants, pimp daddy.

Yeah, you got a good point.

VEDA:
Looks like there's some action

going on out here.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Hello.

I'm looking for a Veda Pratt.

Um, that's me.

I have a warrant for your arrest.

What?

What?

Failure to pay a series of parking tickets.

Oh, no, no, no. That's some mistake.

I pay my tickets.

I'm gonna take you down.

What?

[CHUCKLES]

This is yours?

Heh, wait a minute. Tomorrow is my wedding day.

I'm getting married tomorrow.

Miss, please, face the wall. Spread your legs.

[CHUCKLES]

OFFICER:
Heh, not that far.

Heh, Janelle, I'm going to jail.

The other hand, please.

I've never been to jail.

What am I gonna wear?

Don't worry about it, Veda.

You already got on stripes.

Folks, please, stand back into the house.

Pursuant of penal code section 393.03.

Find Kid. Find Kid.

I command you to...

Wave your hands in the air!

[ALL SHOUTING]

[]

[CHUCKLES]

You got me good this time. You got me this time.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Here it is, guys. Bad-ass.

[WHOOPS]

A bomb, here we go.

MAN 1:
That ain't bad-ass.

Is this some kind of joke?

Oh, well, wait. Just give it some time.

It's probably some leader tape.

Just give it a chance. Give it a chance.

Just like them punk ass n*ggers watching. Sh*t.

This party seem bunk to me.

Man, you all supposed to deliver at 1637 Blast Ave.

Look here, I'll deliver this food anywhere,

you hear me, anywhere as long as you got the money.

We got money.

Pay the man.

1637 Blast Ave.

You get paid when we get fed.

MAN 2:
That's ninja turtle ass.

MAN 3:
Hey, man.

Somebody must've switched the tape!

Man!

Night heat, God of lust, we praise you!

[ALL SHOUTING]

Hi, Showboat. I'm sorry, baby. No men are allowed.

We got business here. We looking for Kid 'n Play.

And that's a man.

No, no, baby. You are man.

That is a God.

[WHOOPS]

[]

Go over to the kitchen. You check out the bathroom.

Boy, they're making Gods smaller these days

and bowlegged.

This your stripper?

Yes, baby.

You better get a refund. I'll show you stripping.

Hey, wait a minute.

Step aside.

That's all right. Take your liberties with me.

I'm free. There you go, boy.

Be careful. That's mine.

[PHONE RINGS]

[CHUCKLES]

Hello.

So-so. How's my Aunt Lucy doing?

Eating my prunes, waiting for Kid

to show up for his bachelor party

and watching that ass.

Yo, let me hold the cellular.

Uh-uh.

This ain't no damn game. Give me the phone!

Yo, Play, the phone ain't turned on.

I'm fronting, man. I told you, the hos like that.

Man, pay your damn bill.

Hey, man, I sent them a couple of checks.

The phone company don't take welfare checks.

It seems like all I know is broke brothers.

Look, I got to come over there. Sh*t.

Johnny, man, what's up with Angina?

MARQUES:
Now, the moment you've all been waiting for,

ALL [IN UNISON]:
Angina Williams!

[ALL CHEERING]

The Boat is in the house!

Showboat's getting ready to get out the house.

Now, get to stepping.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the Boat is leaving the building.

Please, don't do anymore parties.

Thank you. You're wonderful.

Get out of here, you steroid freaks.

Out!

Oh, don't let me down, man.

Yo, yo, check it out, Kid. All for you, boy.

[]

Oh, man!

Stinky, Stinky, take off your hat.

What?

Take off your hat.

[CHUCKLES]

[]

[ALL CHEERING]

Oh, come on. Take all the goddamn money.

Hey, get off me.

Come on. Get off.

Hey, hey.

Get off me.

Move it.

Ahem, excuse me.

I'm president of the All-That club

and I'm here to tell you that you are all that.

Baby, I'll eat through that dress to get to that ass.

No, f*** that dress. I'll eat through them drawers.

What'd I say wrong?

What now?

Play would not let you down.

Close your eyes then. Come on trust me.

This is it. It's the bomb!

[]

Open your arms wide for a big surprise.

Come on, honey.

[WHOOPS]

Are you the lucky man?

[PLAY LAUGHS]

[VOMITS]

Sydney?

Kid? Heh.

Hi!

Wow! What are you doing here?

Um, I was celebrating

my grandparents' wedding anniversary.

Wow, it's great to see you.

Um, it's been a long time.

Yeah.

Heh, a lot's happened.

Well, what are you doing--

You--

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

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