Housos vs. Authority Page #3

Hello?

What day is it today?

It's Thursday, two o'clock, and

you're still at that icerink, aren't ya?

- F***in' moron!

- Franky!

- Franky mate!

- What?

I forgot.

It's our Centrelink appointment now.

But I gotta get a new thong.

It's busted, man.

Ohh, ohh! Ohh... ooh.

Thanks, mate.

Hey, Mullet.

Give me one of your thongs, mate.

Sucked in, mate.

It's your chick, man.

Oi, Shazza! We're going now, alright?

- Where are you goin'?

- I'm goin' to the pub.

Don't f*** up.

We really need some money.

Hey! Franky!

You owe me money for the child support!

That kid looks nothin' like me, mate!

It's got a head

as big as a bloody pot plant.

I saw the baby! The baby

was look exactly like your nose!

If you continue to put your authority

on me, mate,

I'm gonna lose it on you, alright?

No, no! You have to pay me the money!

F***in' calm down!

Bash him later, Franky.

So?

F***, ya got sh*t to do!

- You a chicken!

- I gotta go to Centrelink, mate!

- Chicken!

- This is not over, alright?

# Chicken little Frankily! #

You're gonna cop

a f***in' thonging, mate!

Chicken! Frankily!

Oh, gidday, Nessa. What's doin'?

Oh, one of me kids, they

bit a teacher's finger off at school.

Yeah.

How f***in' awesome is that, eh?

Oi!

Give us a beer, would ya, darlin'?

I've only got enough for half,

but fill her up

and I'll give you

the rest on cheque day, eh?

Oh, what's doing, Shazza?

Oh, Dazza and Franky

have gone up to Centrelink.

They're trying to get us cashed up, eh?

Now, Dazza

needed to make Shazza happy,

so he needed money real bad.

Now, Franky remembered

down at Centrelink

if you tell them

you can't feed your kids,

they'll give you food vouchers.

Feed your miserable children.

Franky, mate,

what f***in' good is this sh*t?

- These are the food vouchers, yeah?

- Yeah, but it's not money.

This is what we're gonna do.

OK, go voucher them chickens

in the checkout.

I'm gonna go pinch

some raffle tickets.

Right, now we go into the pub

and we tell the stooges

that we're gonna raffle off

them chickens for charity, mate.

What's it for, mate?

Yeah, uh, this will be

for the victims of the fire, man.

This is for the victims of the flood.

This is for the soldiers

that got killed

on the landmines

on the Anzacs and that.

Uh, vagina research.

It's for herpe research.

Cancer on dick research.

Franky, mate,

you should have stuck to one story!

Look at those guys, mate.

They're f***in' talking to each other!

Hey, fuckwit,

you told me it was for the floods,

you told him

it's for the f***in' bushfires.

- Yeah, what the f*** is it?

- They're all worthy causes.

F*** this!

Dazza, man, go home.

Save me a chicken leg.

This is not gonna take long.

Thong the f*** out of 'em, Franky!

Big Wheels!

Oh, Franky bro.

What's this, man?

We made a Sunnyvale spa bath!

- Hop in.

- Yeah, sick.

But what happened to all the money?

I used a little bit to get beer

and smokes for me and Kev.

Most of it went on blood plugs

for the missus.

Now, after the boys

all had a go in the hot tub...

Hot tub!

...and after Dazza realised the junkies

had knocked off his esky wheels...

No!

F*** you, Dazza!

F***ing junkies!

...Franky suggested

they go and see the Lebos.

They might have some dirty deed

that might make the boys some money.

Yeah, no, we'll just do a bashing

for them, or maybe knock off some cars.

- Then we'll get you some cash, mate.

- Oh, choice, bro.

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Well, the boys were out of luck,

'cause half an hour earlier,

the Assassins had

a run-in with this little bloke.

His name's Johno,

and, believe it or not, he's a bikie.

Hey, tic-tac,

where'd you get the ride from, bro?

Santa?

Do you know who I am?!

Who? Poofter smurf?

You wanna go, f***ers?

Let's f***in' go, then!

- Come on!

- Smash him!

- Argghhh!

- Come on!

That's Johno's brother, Angry.

He's the president

of the local bikie gang, The Hunters.

These blokes run

all sorts of scams around here,

and they're not the sort of buggers

you want to mess with.

Yeah, I know my little brother

can be a prick, but he's blood.

You f*** with him and you're dog meat.

Arggghhhh!

Sorry!

Arrghhh!

I think that rules the Lebos out

as an option.

Sh*t!

Ohh! Ohh!

Well, that's when the Lebo boys' luck

went from bad to shocking.

Somebody called the coppers

to help them,

but when they turned up,

they got arrested

for outstanding warrants.

Ah, ya f***in' knob.

Shut the f*** up, ya zubs!

Sharon, answer the bloody phone!

I'm in here

dealing with my life at the moment!

You f***in' answer it!

Reg, you answer it.

- Hello?

- Hello?

- Hello?

- Hello?

- Hello?

- Hello?

Whaddya want?!

What, ya monger?

- Give it here and get out! Sh*t!

- Eughh!

Hello?

If this is DOCS, Shazza Jones

can't come to the phone at the moment

and she's not responsible for her kids

burning or breaking anything.

Sharon? It's me, love. Your mum.

What?

Listen, love. I don't think

I've got too much time left.

So I wanna see you face to face

so I can explain things to you.

I... I can't talk right now.

Hey, slow down. I'm rooted.

We walked two whole streets

for f***in' nothing!

Listen, man,

on my brain, I just remembered...

You know that cafe

down near the train station?

We'll knock it off.

So, Kev, me and you, we'll go

check it out, make sure it's cool.

You get some masks.

Hey, then you're gonna get your money.

What is this, mate?

These masks are sh*t.

What, are you gonna go in

the Maori Mardi Gras with this thing?

F***in' Tyrannosaurus D*ckhead

over here.

Do I look like a poof to you, bro?

What are you doin', man?

What the hell?

How's that, mate?

What's that s'posed to be, a mask?

Bro, you gotta put some eye holes in it!

That f***in' thing!

This is f***in' stupid, mate!

You can't even see off it!

Come on, man!

You know what?

I'm just gonna do it myself, mate.

Just text me if the coppers come.

I just ran out of credit, man.

Have youse got credit?

Nuh.

Mind that.

Hey, is that Franky's ex?

- Cheree?

- Yeah, bro.

One thing about Sunnyvale is

those last few days before cheue day.

You know, that's when people

really get desperate for money.

Hey, hey, hey!

What about friends of the Frankily?

What do you want, mate?!

F***in' not now, bro. Franky's in there.

Junior and Cheree have been

chasing Franky's child support for ages.

Dazza and Kev, they had to get

those two idiots away from the cafe.

'Cause they were causing such a stink,

they were going to blow it all

for Franky.

Don't push me!

- Tell me where Frankily is?

- What the f***'s a Frankily?

You know exactly where he is.

He always f***in' hangs out with you.

- Get outta here, mate! And you!

- Yeah!

Get outta here!

Go make some more grey babies!

Oh, that's not funny.

Junior! There's Franky!

And he's got money!

Frankily!

What's this bullshit, man?

Hey, give me that money

for the child support!

Piss off, d*ckhead mate!

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