Housos vs. Authority Page #6

Argh! Some arsehole

stole my f***in' bike!

Yeah, and with Johno's bike,

he thought he could outrun them easy.

But what Franky didn't know was

that the Sunnyvale Area Command

had allocated a couple of

new vehicles to the block.

Yep, brand-new spanking bikes.

Pull over! Pull over!

Go round! Cut him off!

F*** off!

Sucked in, mate!

- Falzoni!

- Run, boys!

Pull over!

Falzoni!

# HIP-HOP

What the f*** happened to me bike?

Mobile Two,

Falzoni's heading down towards

Ramsey Street on a blue chopper.

Intercept!

- Pull over!

- Pick up!

Franky.

Crystal, put Kazza on!

Here, it's Franky for you.

- Yeah, Franky?

- I need ya to do something for me.

I'm comin' now!

Do it now!

Now! Now!

Do it now! Now!

Argh!

That would have to be at least

These two coppers have

been on pushbikes for years,

and the very first day they get road

bikes, they wrote one off completely

and the junkies stripped

the other one for parts.

- Yeah, suck this, copper!

- F***!

Hand in your badges now.

Well, those two got fired and they

had to work as security guards

somewhere in the bush.

Hey!

Stupid bikies, mate, sucked in!

D*ckheads, mate. D*ckheads.

Go, Kevin!

Have a go, Nessa!

I've never done it in a campervan

before. F***, it's romantic!

Hey, don't distract me with sex noises.

I'm a bit pissed and the road's blurry.

It's hard to concentrate, mate.

I'll be really quiet, eh?

I was talkin' to them, yeah?

F***in' black magic, Kevin!

Goin' for another Baby Bonus, are youse?

F*** yeah! Oh, yes!

Hey, hold this for a second.

You have to do the GPS, man,

'cause my hand's busy with the bottle.

I love computers.

Me mum said she only lives about

Oh, right.

- I f***in' love this campervan, Kevin!

- Whoo!

I put Ayers Rock in. It just says

go straight for three hours.

Three hours?

That doesn't sound right, babe.

It's what the computer says.

Thanks for makin' me look like a

d*ckhead in front of me mates again!

F***in' relax!

I was just askin', ya sook.

No need to be such a b*tch about it!

To be fair, man, you can be

a bit of a sook, you know.

You do it!

Oh yeah, Kevin!

I've never done it

in a campervan, Kevin!

It's not very impressive, eh?

Oh! Isn't it amazing?

It's so spiritual, hey?

Look mate, I hate to tease you in front

of your friends, but that's not it.

You're a f***in' d*ckhead.

Oh, well what is it then,

the Taj Mahal, huh, from China?

Look, man. It's a servo.

- Err!

- See, it's hollow, isn't it?

Hollow like your f***in' head!

So after a little bit of

confusion, they were on their way.

But in true Sunnyvale style,

all the temptations on the way

were very hard to resist.

Hey, let's all go to Nimbin!

Nimbin! Nimbin! Nimbin! Nimbin! Nimbin!

Nimbin! Nimbin!

Hey, hey, let's go to Ned Kelly's grave!

Neddy!

Oh, Ned! You're a legend!

Shazza!

I gotta go see Bon Scott's grave.

Now!

Oh, they detoured bloody everywhere,

but finally they made it

to Alice Springs.

Now, all they had to do was

drop off the bikies' gear

and it was time to see Shazza's mum.

Hi!

Oi! Hello!

Hey, there's a note.

It says, like, um,

'Sorry for the inconveni... venience.

We are busy burying someone.

Be back later. The bickies. '

Bikies. Bikies.

I love you, Kevin.

F***, all that sh*t with the bikies

has given me a f***in' headache.

Give us a f***in' smoke.

- That's me last f***in' one!

- Oh, f***in' pull ya head in, d*ckhead.

Blah!

Who the f***'s that?

Mum, is that you?

It's me, Sharon!

Oh, come right in, love.

I'm out the back in the bedroom.

Say hi to your mum for me, alright?

We're gonna watch the van.

Yeah, you weren't invited anyway,

ya d*ckhead.

Carn, Ness.

Is that you, Sharon?

Yes, Mum. It's me.

Oh!

Um, hi, I'm Vanessa, Shazza's mate.

I've got a great arse, don't ya think?

Would ya f*** off, Nessa? Jesus!

Well, I'll just go watch TV.

Hope you got f***in' Foxtel!

Thanks for coming, love.

Yeah, what's wrong with you, anyway?

Well, the doctors reckon it's the fags,

but they're f***in' liars anyway.

- You haven't got one, have ya, love?

- Oh, um, nah, sorry.

I just smoked me last one, eh?

Oh, f*** me! Look at all these animals!

It's like Noah's Park. Have a look!

Which one's got the biggest dick?

The kiwi. Oh! Nah.

Camels, mate. They look similar

to the Assassins, them. Look at 'em.

It does look like Abdul.

You gotta admit it, mate.

You know what I hate?

- I hate kangaroos, man.

- What?!

They think they're good.

They're on everything.

They're on like underpants

of Olympic swimmers,

they're like on like coins

and notes and this and that.

They're just wankers

of the animal world.

They're like heroes, man!

Like Ned Kelly.

Shazza, I got you here to apologise

to you, love, for leaving you

when you were three.

Yeah, well, it was pretty f***in' f***ed

in the face of ya.

It wasn't my fault.

Your dad had gambling debts

coming out of his arse.

Oh, blame Dad.

He was always there for us.

It wasn't my fault! I had to create

to pay off his debts.

Are you f***in' serious?

The cops were after me.

I had to piss off.

Sh*t, Mum!

Why didn't you say something before?

Can ya forgive me?

Um, is it just me, or is there,

like, no f***in' TV in here?

How can you live without a f***in' TV?

Don't know why youse

are standing over there, mate.

- It stinks from them animals.

- Yeah, alright.

Hey, Kev, give us your phone.

- I want to show Franky that app we got.

- Oh, yeah!

- Check this out, man. It's a p*ssy.

- What do you mean?

Look at it, man. Get your finger and

rub the p*ssy and it's gonna come.

- On the screen?

- On the screen, man. Look, rub.

- It's like a chick.

- Keep goin', keep goin'.

What, I go quicker? I get it now!

You do this and then...

I see.

Hey, look at that!

D*ckhead, mate!

It's f***ed on it. Here, take it.

- What?

- Not my fault!

Hey! Mmm.

Watch me give these animals the shits,

fully.

Skippy, ya big poof, come here, mate.

- Go, Franky!

- Oh!

Watch this.

- Go, Skippy!

- Yeah!

Catch him! Catch him!

Dive on his tail!

We're so similar, you and me.

F***in' rortin' Centrelink

and f***in' f***ed up de factos

and you love ya smokes.

Do ya bong on, Mum?

Not now, but back in the days,

I loved a bucket bong.

Mum!

Ah, excuse me.

You know ya got nothin'

in ya f***in' fridge?

- Go, Franky!

- Yeah, go, Franky!

Who am I, mate?

Who am I, ya big poof?

Franky's being an emu too!

I can't tell the difference!

- Watch out he doesn't peck ya!

- Come on!

- Oh, he's cheesin' him up!

- I'll get ripped up.

- Hit it! Hit it!

- You want a go?

- You want a go, bird?!

- Smash him!

I swear, I hate these animals, man.

He's got a big bum, like my missus.

You're right, Kev!

The emu's arse is

the same as your missus!

It's piss-boring in there, eh?

Well, get your big arse

down here, woman!

Franky's doin' some funny sh*t!

Should I go in? Alright, I'll go in.

Hey, I thought ya said

ya didn't have smokes, ya b*tch.

Oh, come on, Mum.

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