Housos vs. Authority Page #7

It was me third-last one.

Oi! Would youse f***in' shut up?!

I'm tryin' to talk to me f***in' mum!

Pecked me on the dick!

You bastard!

It pecked him on the pecker!

You have it, Mum.

Shazza, I'm f***in' proud of you.

You turned out real good.

Thanks, Mum.

Give it a lick, mate! Give it a lick!

That'll fix it!

Oh, now him too!

Let me film it. Let me film it.

Shaz, do me a favour.

When I'm gone, take me ashes

up on top of Ayers Rock

and scatter 'em all over the place.

I promise, Mum.

You're a good girl, Shaz.

Mum! Mum, are you alright?

Oi!

Oi! Me mum just f***in' died!

Oh, yes, Kevin! Give it to me!

Hey, Franky!

That was a top idea selling

the fuel to pay for the cremation.

I am amazed at the ideas

that come on my brain, Dazza.

Oh, the cheeky buggers.

They used the bikies' fuel card

to fill up that drum with petrol.

Then they drove a half a kay up the road

and started undercutting the servo.

Oh, man! They made

a fair bit of money.

Would have made more

if it was high octane.

Yeah, I wish youse would

have got a bit more cash, but.

I feel f***in' povo puttin'

Mum's ashes in her old ugg boot.

- It's all good, babe. Sheepskin.

- Oh, shut ya f***in' trap!

That's f***in' 100% Australian wool.

Whoo!

Excuse me, mate, is this the road

to the real Ayers Rock, or what?

Yes, this is the road

to the real Ayers Rock.

$25 entry fee per person.

What? You're not gonna tell us

we have to pay to get in here, are ya?

Bro, what have you got in there?

Waterslides and, like, you know,

rides and sh*t?

What about if

we got our pension cards?

Not even 1,000 pension cards

will get you in.

Simply pay, or disappear

out of my life once and for all.

Mate, how dare you try and block us

like this is f***in'

Facebook or some sh*t?!

We got a right to see that rock,

ya f***in' cockhead.

Same as we got a right

to celebrate the Anzacs

for floggin' the Chinese back

in the day.

# FANFARE

We're Aussies, mate.

Ya gotta let us in, ya f***in'

four-eyed knob jockey.

We have those fees so that

f***in' four-eyed knob jockeys like me

can keep bogans like you from

coming in here and wrecking the place.

So buzz off.

Now, people in Sunnyvale might

be lazy and they might be bludgers.

But one thing about us - we're not

used to takin' no for an answer.

You don't wanna give

us permission? Stuff ya, then.

We'll just break in.

Mate, that wasn't even a challenge.

There was no barbed wire fence,

no security cameras.

Pfft!

Look at this.

Is that a UFO, man?

- What?

- Where'd it go?

You're f***in' seein' things, bro.

Let's go.

Vamoose

We're not seriously climbing that?

It was me mum's dyin' wish.

F***in' come on.

No, f*** this, bro.

Do I look like a forklift to you?

I don't want to carry this sh*t

all the way up there.

Why don't we just do

the barbecue over here?

It can be the tribute to death

to the mother barbecue.

# HEAVY METAL

Chemical

I love you. I love you a lot.

Kylie!

If you can hear me up there,

I fully miss you!

Kylie!

That's it, boys. Give 'em an Ularoot,

Housos style. That's it.

Hey, hey, Franky! Check this out!

Where's the clown who

wouldn't let us in now?

I wish he could see youse!

Fancy that d*ckhead

sayin' they're tryin'

to keep people like us outta here.

What's wrong with us?

Hey, Dazza!

What the f*** are you doing?

Hey, I'm gonna go for a climb.

I'll be back later. Hectic!

Oh, give me Ayers Rock style, mate!

It's All Good

Hey, Shaz, do ya reckon I'd get wasted

if I snorted your mum's ashes?

You are deadset

f***ed in the face, aren't ya?

Did you invite them to the orgy?

Sometimes your luck

can go from good to bad

in the time it takes to fill out

your Centrelink forms.

Look who it is.

That's the two coppers who got fired,

and I think it's fair to say

they're still pretty shitty.

F***in' housos.

Ha. It's not one of my best ones,

but, I swear, who would have

thought tagging Ayers Rock

would be easier than tagging a train?

Sunnyvale for life, Australia!

Yeah!

Don't Go Getting Caught

In breaking news, the former

Mayor of Sunnyvale, Simon Abbott,

has been elected into

the Federal Parliament.

As the new Federal Minister

for National Monuments,

I would just like to say that

places like the Sydney Harbour Bridge

and the Opera House,

in fact, all our national monuments,

will be protected vigorously

by my ministry.

Thank you.

In national news, four people

have been arrested

for breaking into Uluru National Park.

Unconfirmed reports claim

they started fires and had an orgy.

- Bloody hell!

- That's Mum!

Whoo! Yeah!

Shut up! Shut the f*** up!

Apparently the group made

a barbecue, had sex, took drugs

and then defaced the rock

by covering this section in graffiti.

Yeah! Go, Sunnyvale!

Go, Sunnyvale! Yeah!

Shut up, you idiots!

Can't you see in the background -

the coppers have got our campervan.

That's bloody disgusting!

Bloody outrageous!

The group are

not from the Northern Territory,

but from the notorious housing estate

known as The Block,

in Sunnyvale, New South Wales.

What's your

reaction to this arrest?

You guys, like, film everything

and that, eh,

and then like f... - it up on TV

and make us look like we're f... - ed, eh?

- We're not f... - ed.

- Yeah, we're not f... - ed.

- It's just a rock.

- Yeah, but, I mean...

I'm standing on a rock now.

- Have a look.

- Yeah, but it's not Ayers Rock.

What's your response to that?

Oh, what's your response to these

is a bit more like it, don't ya think?

Simon, get in here!

Senator.

I hated those scumbags

when I was Mayor of Sunnyvale.

How dare they desecrate

one of our great national objects?

Simon, I want to be kept informed

of all the details regarding this case.

What do you reckon happened to Franky?

Oh, I don't know.

Maybe a dingo ate him.

Shut the f*** up!

The judge is about to talk.

Miss Jones.

Mr Smith.

Mr... Takamatu?

And Miss Talawahoo.

Have you got anything to say

before I pass sentence?

Yeah.

Listen, Judge, matey, I do, alright?

All I was tryin' to do

was sprinkle me mum's ashes

what are in that ugg boot right there

on top of the rock.

Now, can you tell me, as an Australian,

how can that possibly be illegal?

You tell him, Sharon!

Yeah, and, mate, it's un-Australian

for you to tell us that, on our

own rock, we can't have a barbecue.

It's a bloody Aussie tradition, mate.

- F***in' tell him, Shaz!

- Yeah.

Now, I don't know much

about the Northern Territory,

but I heard youse

aren't no soft c*cks, eh?

And anyway,

even if what we done was illegal,

as a true-blue Aussie,

it wasn't wrong, mate.

Especially here in the Territory.

This place is the piss-sinking capital

of Australia,

and I, for one, f***in' love it!

Miss Jones,

you know, you're bloody right.

In this part of Australia,

we still love a beer and a barbie.

And the occasional bong.

Oh, what a cone-head!

I'm gonna let youse off with a warnin'.

Case dismissed.

Bailiff, give 'em all a beer

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