Housos vs. Authority Page #8

on the way out.

Oh, yeah, bro!

So it's cool to sprinkle me mum's ashes

on the Rock, eh?

Don't push your luck, darlin'.

Freedom!

Oh, it was a close call,

that's for sure.

Bloody outrageous!

So Shazza

got her mum's ashes back.

Oh, and how lucky's this?

They got the camper back, too,

without the coppers even searchin' it.

There's Franky, bro.

Oh-ho!

Franky, bro!

What the f***'s with the gear, Franky?

What have you been up to, eh?

What happened to ya?

You've been gone ages, mate.

Listen, I've gone through some sh*t.

And I do not want to talk about it,

please.

- You rob a Cash Converters, matey?

- I said don't ask!

Bro, you tryin' to start up

the Anzacs again, eh?

Why are you wearin' a seaweed salad

on your head, mate?

- You got hair like Nessa, eh?

- 'Eh, eh. ' F***in' funny.

Oh, bro, Call of Duty called - they want

all their sh*t back.

Yeah, New Zealand called, man

they want their sheep back.

Without skidmarks on the arse.

Could we just

piss off now, please?

Angry, just got off the phone

to the Alice chapter.

The stuff's arrived, mate.

Well... thank f*** for that.

Make a note -

we don't use f***in' housos again.

What's the go with Franky, mate?

Franky! Don't you wanna dump that

and get in here?

Dazza, mate,

just, like, give me my space, bro.

What the f*** happened

out in the bush, mate?

I'm dealing with some issues.

Just f*** off.

What the f***'s up Franky's arse?

Oi, Daz.

Come sit down here with me, bub.

You know something, babe?

Even after all this sh*t

we went through, it all turned out OK.

Mum'll just have to

come live with us now.

You're so good, Shaz.

I really love you,

even when you're being a b*tch.

I f***in' love you too, Dazza.

Now, when they got back home,

everything sort of went back to normal.

Well, for a little while.

Kevin, I saw you staring

at the chick's arse on the TV!

Arghhh!

Oh, you b*tch!

Where's the kids?

I dunno.

They're round here somewhere.

I can't hear the television!

God, it was bloody better

when you'd all pissed off!

What the f*** are you doin' in there?

Get out.

I found one, Shaz.

But no booze or smokes.

You know that cupboard's for potatoes.

Get outta there

before you hurt yourself, idiot!

Tonight on A Current Affairs,

the Minister for National Monuments

talks to us exclusively.

Minister, good evening.

Hello, John.

Oh, not this f***in' cockface!

Today you've announced

a Federal crackdown

on people

who disgrace national monuments.

Would you care to elaborate?

Yes. As we saw recently,

there has been a wave

of what I would call anti-Australian

behaviour in the community.

Myself and the Prime Minister

agree it has to be stopped.

Sh*t, eh?

Hey, Shazza! There's a million cops

out on the street!

Some stupid mongrel's

about to get caned!

# HIP-HOP

So what's

the government's response, Minister?

I've decided to use new Federal laws

to rearrest the maggots who showed

total disrespect to Uluru last week.

And I believe this is happening

as we speak.

Yes. These scum-bums

have to pay for their hideous crimes.

Especially the graffiti.

Shut up, shut up, shut up.

I can hear cops.

Where's the sidecar?

Well, Tank... not a bad little machine.

Yeah, what goes around

comes around, mate.

# HEAVY METAL

They've just charged me with graffiti.

How did they even know I was there?

Who's dogged me, man?

Was it one of youse?

Franky, you can be such a tool.

Your ex-girlfriend Cheree dobbed you in.

She saw your graffiti on the TV.

Crime Stoppers?

Yep, I want to dob in Franky Falzoni.

Yeah, I saw some sh*t on TV.

He's me ex-de facto

and, definitely, he done it.

Well, let that be a lesson

to all of youse.

Pay your child support to ya missus,

no matter how many kids ya got.

I pay it to my missus,

and I haven't even got kids.

- Senator.

- Prime Minister.

I saw the interview on A Current Affair.

Great work.

Our approval rating

is up five points today.

Thank you.

Hopefully, we can discourage bogans from

defacing our great national monuments.

Any popular policy

is a policy I fully support.

Good-o.

Now, having the coppers after you

is one thing.

But having the whole

bloody Federal Government after you

is a different thing altogether.

You know you're up the creek

without a paddle.

Look, youse are all shittin' your pants

for nothin', I swear.

I've, like, fully 'organasised'

all the legal sh*t.

Yeah, well why don't you tell us

what the big f***in' plan is, then?

If I tell ya, it's gonna jinx

the whole thing, alright?

So just, like, trust me.

We got a mad legal defence coming.

Sorry I'm late.

I was outside havin' a smoke.

Do you realise how far I have to walk

because you can't smoke in here?

It's a f***in' mission, mate.

Franky, ya gotta be f***in' kidding.

This f***in' tic-tac

better not be our lawyer.

Oi! Ya wanna be a smart-arse,

I'll go home right now, ya slut!

Chillax, chillax, will youse?

Pause.

Just trust me, alright?

Trust me.

What are you thinkin', Franky,

with this Tiny Teddy?

He's not even a lawyer, mate.

Hey, he's small size.

That means we're gonna get mad sympathy.

Them judges are all political correct.

He's not gonna go against the disabled -

a real one.

What are you lookin' at?

It's an acquittal for sure, mate.

Alright, alright.

Let's begin proceedings.

I should like to start...

What-what are you doing?

What, no smoking?

And now you're gonna tell me

I can't drink?

What else are you gonna

f***in' throw at me?

You are not allowed to...

Don't you f***in' talk down to me, mate.

I shall hold you in contempt.

Do you know who I am?!

My brother's a bikie!

We'll find you

and we'll rip your head off, ya muppet.

Ya dirty f***in' maggots!

Get ya f***in' hands off me!

Get off me! Put me down!

Do you even know who the f*** I am?

Would the accused take off his hat?

Hey, I know the rules, mate.

Your CCTV can see my face,

so I don't need to take my hat off.

It's just like in a nightclub.

I told you to take off your hat.

Hey, how come he has to take off

his hat and you get to wear your wig?

That's a mad point, mate.

Don't you try and touch that hat,

d*ckheads.

- Simon.

- Senator.

Good work using the ASIO CCTV.

This is gold.

My God.

Can you believe that people like this

actually share the same air

that we breathe?

Excuse me, bro.

Um, I'm feeling a little nervous. Um...

You, sir, are disgusting.

Oh!

There's a bit of Rotorua in that one!

Hey, Judge! You want me

to rip one from my awesome arse?

No, please, put that away.

F***in' shut up about your arse. F***!

I'll catch it.

That, sir, is disgusting.

Have him out. Out! Out!

Well, that was a bit rude

throwing me out like that.

We let them go all the time

in New Zealand courts.

Hey, do youse reckon if I sip on

this dwarf juice, I'm gonna grow small?

Now, you all might find yourselves

very amusing,

but you are facing

very serious Federal charges.

Illegal drug use,

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