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How to Make Love to a Woman Page #6
And I had to carry you, what,
haIf a miIe to the Iodge?
-I have something to confess.
-What?
Um, my knee might not have been
as hurt as I said.
Lauren, I mean, I don't want this
to seem too forward,
but are you dating anyone
right now?
Yeah.
I knew that. I mean,
God's not that kind, is he?
Oh, shut up, Dan. You probabIy
have tons of girIfriends.
Not even a pound.
I don't buy it for a second.
You're probabIy a pIayer.
the right person.
You know, get married,
start a famiIy.
Me too.
I mean, not that I haven't.
So this guy, your boyfriend--
Andy is his name.
Andy. Hmm.
Does he take care of you?
HeIIo?
Hi.
Hi.
How may I heIp you?
Do you have any books on women?
What specificaIIy about them?
[ ChuckIes ]
Um, something Iike. . .
how to make Iove to a woman?
Ohh. . . okay.
Let me just check for you.
Sure.
-[ YeIIs ] :
Nanette!-Yeah?
Do we happen to have any books
about how to make Iove
to a woman?
How to what?
Make Iove to a woman.
How to make Iove to a woman.
Um, hang on, Iet me check.
Okay.
[ Whispers ] :
She's just gonna check for you.
I feeI Iike you think this is for me,
but it's not.
It's for somebody eIse.
Nope, no books on how
to make Iove to a woman. Sorry.
Oh, no probIem. I'II just get
Or maybe I'II, you know, I'II write
down some of my own techniques
and I'II just give those to him.
It's no big deaI.
No big deaI.
Maybe I'II just get a pen
and some paper.
Over here? Good.
Hey, buddy.
I hear ya on the woman thing.
I think I can heIp.
I know a thing or two.
Hey, Iook, I'm reaIIy--
I'm fine with information.
-No, and -- and I've been there, too.
-No, thank you.
OiIs.
-Hear me out. FIavored oiIs.
-LAUREN:
No, that's not true.Now, I know we've aII been there,
Iube it up, have a great time.
But what I'm taIking about
is another IeveI.
Hey, so what's Andy Iike?
He's very sweet.
-And it combines that. . .
-He's funny.
. . .that taste, the tingIe on the
tongue with the tingIe down there. . .
I know he wouId never do anything
to hurt me.
Sounds Iike a puppy.
[ Laughs ]
Yes, exactIy, he's Iike a puppy.
OnIy not as cute.
It's the kind of thing
that they pass down in tribes
-for years and years. . .
-No, he's cute.
What you need to reaIize, though,
is that, you know, most women,
they may say they want connection,
they wanna get hit
Iike a sack of potatoes.
You guys ever taIk
about getting married?
No, not reaIIy.
Does that bother you?
No.
Okay, a IittIe.
Why don't you just
taIk to him about it?
WeII, I don't wanna seem too pushy.
My mother was pushy,
and Iook what happened.
So you reaIIy think he's the one?
I guess I have my doubts.
WeII, I don't see it,
'cause it's reaIIy obscure.
-And it doesn't exist.
-It does exist.
I'm teIIing you.
Where do you wanna go?
They don't Iet you sIeep here,
I don't think.
I know they don't.
Just Ietting you know.
But it's the best line
l've ever waited in
l can still hear voices
and a bottle spin
Yes, oh, yes
Hi.
-Hey, guys.
-Hey.
CongratuIations, Andy.
I heard about your big decision.
-What decision?
-You're getting married.
I'm not getting married.
Of course you are.
You're in Iove.
She doesn't think I'm the one.
What are you taIking about?
She said so, tonight,
at a bookstore.
I overheard her taIking to some guy.
Who?
Some guy she's probabIy
sIeeping with.
Some guy who couId probabIy
satisfy her in bed.
-What a b*tch.
-Don't say that, Layne.
Why not, Nomi?
Andy's the most devoted boyfriend
in the worId.
Why wouId she do that?
That's not Iove.
Are you sure you know
what you heard?
Okay, maybe it was out of context.
Oh, my God, Nomi, he's not stupid.
And why are you defending her?
You hate her.
You hate Lauren?
-Despise.
-I don't hate Lauren.
Okay, I don't reaIIy Iike her,
but I don't hate her.
You don't Iike Lauren?
I just-- I don't think
she's right for you, Andy.
Layne's the one who thinks
she's changed you.
Oh, you think I've changed?
When I met you, you had
a Hawaiian shirt and a mustache.
You Iooked Iike a bIack
Magnum P.I.
Okay, first of aII, that was a Iook,
and I Iook more Iike T.C.
You're no T.C.
[ Laughs ]
You wanna go? Fine.
Yes, you've changed.
ReaIIy? How?
You're fIaky, you dress bad,
everything you do now
has to be cIeared.
And there's nothing wrong with that,
but I'm just saying,
you Ieased out your man souI
for a guaranteed Iousy Iay in bed
once a week.
You're not a dude anymore, okay?
WeII, okay.
CIearIy, I don't need this.
Oh, oh, what? What, so you can
dish it out, but you can't take it?
Look, I got somebody who cares
about me now, Layne, aII right?
I'm sorry if that stings a IittIe.
And I dress f***ing awesome!
Who's going to the Lethal Weapon
parties with me now?!
I gotta find me a new white boy.
-There's Iots of them.
-That sh*t ain't easy!
What's up, man?
What's your name?
[ Door opens ]
Hi.
Hi.
Where have you been?
I was at a show.
Where have you been?
WeII, I've been here,
waiting as usuaI.
Hmm.
But before that,
what'd you do tonight?
Nothing.
-I saw you with that guy, Lauren.
-You mean with--
I heard what you said.
I'm not the one?
I didn't say that.
I said that I had doubts.
Sweet. Thanks.
Makes me feeI a whoIe Iot better.
Who is this new Joe Stud?
He's just a coIIeague.
He's in town from Chicago,
and we decided--
Why'd you Iie to me?
[ Scoffs ]
I didn't Iie.
I wasn't on a date, Andy.
I didn't do anything wrong.
Besides, you don't hear me
going crazy
every time you're out with Nomi.
Are you Iying now?
[ Scoffs ]
I can't even beIieve
you just said that.
Is this because of the, you know. . .
because I've been making
big changes. I'm reaIIy trying.
Oh, but are you reaIIy?
Of course I am.
And it's not as easy
as you might think.
It's actuaIIy quite difficuIt.
Oh, so now you're bIaming me.
Let's just say you're not
So I can't do anything right, can I?
What do you want from me?
Don't answer that,
'cause I aIready know.
Curtis offered me a ob in Chicago.
And I'm thinking about taking it.
What?
Fine.
Take it.
Andy, come on.
ReaIIy?
Have fun.
You know, Chicago
has reaIIy coId winters.
You take it.
Andy!
[ Door sIams shut ]
[ Sobs ]
Tell me
what you're thinking, baby
As my hand is touching yours
lt may have been an accident
Or maybe it's what
l was reaching for
Once you hit the five stars,
it's pretty much impossibIe.
I ump in the water,
get, you know,
bIown up by the huII.
Tomorrow l'll forget
What drove me to this paper
Jenna Jameson?
But l'll use it anyway
TONY:
I don't knowwhat I'm taIkin' about?
Hey, go get my frickin' chips!
Shove it, Tony!
Shove it!
Thank you.
[ ChiIdren yeIIing in the background ]
Give me a bottIe
of that magicness over there.
What's your excuse?
GirIfriend fight. You?
What, you didn't see the caravan
of Snack Packs
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"How to Make Love to a Woman" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 29 Aug. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/how_to_make_love_to_a_woman_10312>.
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