Hurricane Bianca: From Russia with Hate Page #9

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Let me know

how this all plays out.

I've got a man waiting for me.

[thud on floor]

Oops. Baby made a boom boom.

What is going on here?

Mitya, what have you done?

This hooker

is a flaming drag queen

and a degenerate homosexual.

I'm the real woman here, okay?

You can take her.

Bianca del Rio

is the one that you want.

You thought those heels

were killing you before;

wait till I get a hold of you.

Okay, that's it. Guard!

Take homo to cell!

I stay with Mitya and these

prostitutes till you get back!

Come on.

Go, go, go, go.

Let's go.

This is great.

Now we're both gonna rot

in this rat-infested

prison together.

You brought this

on yourself, homo.

Oh, yeah. They're probably

gonna put us

in a cell together

with each other.

Wouldn't you like that, Debbie?

Never call me Debbie!!!!

[shrieking loudly]

Oh, no.

That voice. The rats.

(sing-songy) Deb-bie. Deb-bie.

Debbie, Debbie, Debbie.

Bzzz!

Stop that! You stop that

with your faggy ties,

your clown makeup,

your nasty one-liners,

and your purse full of bees!

You stop calling me Debbie!!!!

Oh, no.

Is mating season!

Whoa!

[gun shots]

Little Debbie with her

Holly Hobbie dresses.

Little Debbie

with a lip gloss addiction.

You stop that!

They called me

Little Debbie Snack Cake!

I was the shortest one

in school!

You're just as mean as they are!

You stop teasing me!

[gun clicking]

Oh, no, no, no, no!

They coming, they coming.

Oh!

Oh, no, they coming.

They coming

to mate with my face.

They-they-

they mate with my face!

You don't have a key?

Nyet. Maybe if I had wig,

I could take bobby pin,

but I have nothing.

[gasp]

Looks like we're next.

Well, you see,

ever since Debbie here

and her brother kidnapped me

and left me to die in the woods,

I never leave home without this.

I don't have time

for this!

I don't have time for you!

All right! Let's go,

The prisoners

were kept downstairs.

We must to hurry.

That works perfectly, Deborah.

Wait. What?

Your voice...

It brought the rats.

I told you we needed

to work together.

They must to feed us soon.

Gorky get hungry.

What the hell?!

No, no!

Look! They are here.

- Mama, is that you?

- Carly!

Oh, I couldn't leave

my baby here in prison.

Listen, you guys, I'm gonna

have you out in no time.

You and Bianca

are workin' together.

[whispers]

Just to get you out of here.

Don't worry. She's gonna get

what's comin' to her.

Mama, haven't you learned

anything from all this?

Well, I learned I look

pretty fierce as a blond,

and did you know

rats have a mating season?

[both gasping]

It's okay, girl.

He's with me.

I told you

I could take care of myself.

I wish you

would have told me that

before I had to

make out with you.

Excuse me.

You are free to go.

[whispers]

Stay down, stay down.

Carly, you're free!

I am.

Now, help me

shove Bianca in here.

It's what we came here to do.

No, Mama. I can't.

- What?

- You're right. I am free.

Finally free of you.

No! Carly!

What are you doing?

These flamers

turned you against me?

They're just people

just like you and me, Mama,

tryin' to do the right thing.

But we were never tryin'

to do the right thing.

I mean all that hate -

and for what?

You can't just leave me in here.

Sorry, Mama.

You said prison made

a new woman out of you...

Well, it made a new woman

out of me, too.

Noooo!!!

I'll get you Bianca.

This ain't over.

Looks like you're the cat.

You're gonna have to

hold your own legs, b*tch.

You ain't seen nothin' yet.

As soon as I get out of here,

I'm comin' for you, Bianca!

I'm comin' for you!

Oh, no.

Here come those horny rats.

(Rat) Hey...

[screaming]

Biancaaaa!!!!

This way. Let's go.

Thank you for everything.

I can't believe that you

would do that to Deborah.

I mean I wouldn't even

leave her in that jail cell.

Well, Rex has been

nothin' but kind to me.

I mean, it makes me question

what this whole thing was about

in the first place.

Maybe we are better together

livin' side by side,

instead of tearing

each other down.

Bianca has told me of snake

that bites your b*obs off.

Yeah.

I know a doctor

who can make new again,

creamy like mash potato.

- Yes!

- They will be mash potato.

Perhaps a bit lumpy,

but we do our best.

Okay.

Tater tits... Yeah.

Let's go!

I'll never forget you.

Hey! Wait up.

Hey, guys.

Let's blow this pop stand.

- He's not coming with us?

- Who?

Your new boyfriend.

Oh, that was just

a prison thing.

He knows that.

Besides, I think

my time behind bars

proves I don't need a man

to protect me anymore.

What you need to

protect you is bubble wrap.

I've been doing just fine

in New York since you left.

I don't need you to worry

about me anymore, mom!

But I do worry about you.

Why did you think

those bricks of cocaine

in your bag would help?

Not that bag...

The other bag.

There were two bags,

like the ones under your eyes.

All right.

You got me on that.

Look!

Is Svetlana Zlopasnost.

We run now!

Degenerate homosexuals

are escaping!

Let's get them!

[LOUD BOOM]

[explosions, booming]

Go!

Go, go, go, go, go!

Ah, sh...!

Go, go, go, go.

Perfect timing, as always.

Girl, you know I got your back.

That's cause nobody

wants your front, but, uh...

[screams]

Oh!

So that is end

of Svetlana Zlopasnost.

Who is going to host next season

of Homo Hunters?

That was a good show.

R-I-P.

Thanks for all

of your help, Mitya.

Sorry we got your club raided

and that we blew up your job.

But maybe this means that

you can come to America now.

I- if you'd like to, I-I...

Well, I would like it a lot.

Is tempting.

I would like

to know you better.

But still so much work

to be done.

Your Texas has given me hope

that if we stay and fight,

we can have Texas, too.

Oh, that is the saddest...

and dumbest thing

I think I've ever heard.

[chuckles]

I understand.

You should stay and make

a bad situation better.

I mean, that's the whole reason

why I moved to Texas

in the first place...

and the reason

why I'm going back.

It's not just the children

that need an education.

We've made some progress,

but there's still more to do.

True.

I'll help. I mean, if you queers

can change my mind,

anyone can change.

Oh, eat.

Come on. Is nobody

going to eat that, huh?

[all groaning]

Is three months now since

we moved to homo house,

and is great!

Sometimes I miss the breeze

come through

the cracks in the walls, but...

And now we have central heat.

When I build fire

in middle of room.

In-in-in-in basement

I have swing.

Oh, basement.

What treat!

It's funny kind of swing

is in basement closet.

Not so much with the weee!

Sometimes I climb

into the swing.

I hear moans.

I think homo house haunted,

but it's just my Boris.

[chuckles] Da!

I like.

[chattering,

crowd cheers]

(Reporter)

In International news,

Russia continues to insist

they weren't running a secret

gay prison under the Kremlin,

and that the explosion

last month in downtown Moscow

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