Hurricane Bianca Page #5

(Announcer) This is the first

win of the season

for the Mavericks.

I did not say touch me.

(shouting indistinctly, cheering)

Your hair smells delicious.

(cheering)

Another day with Miss Dorito.

She's almost

as hot as Miss First.

Almost.

Come on,

you've never had Miss First.

Neither have you.

Frick and Frack,

this is not TV.

I can hear you.

So what do you say?

I know a real romantic

spot under the bleachers.

Oh, please.

I already gave to charity.

(scoffing)

Okay, sh*t stains!

We're going to try

something new today.

Did everybody do the reading?

Hmm?

White Trash?

Muffin Top?

(giggling)

Man B*obs?

(laughing)

What about you, Bath Mat?

Bath Mat?

What?

Did you do the reading?

Yes.

Good.

Then you're going to

enjoy our little game today.

Now, everyone takes out the

volcanoes that I have prepared.

Oh, yeah.

Now please put on your safety

gear and follow my instructions.

I am only going to ask once.

Now remove the liquid bottles,

and can anybody name

the dark bottle?

Nitroglycerin.

Speak up.

Um, nit-- nitroglycerin.

Yes!

Nitroglycerin.

Nitroglycerin is a

colourless liquid that's used

as an active ingredient

to manufacture explosives.

Oh, yeah!

(chuckling)

This is a very,

very interesting chemical.

Now, can anybody tell me

what the second bottle is?

Orange nitrate.

That's correct!

Orange nitrate.

This chemical comes

in a variety of colours.

The interesting thing

about orange nitrate is--

(screaming)

-Ooh!

-Oh!

What the hell?

(laughing)

Your face is orange.

So is yours.

Oh, dear.

You didn't happen to mix the two

chemicals together now, did you?

(laughing)

Was this a trick?

Oh, please. If you'd have done

your homework assignment,

you would know

that orange nitrate

cause skin discoloration.

What?

Who looks like a Dorito now?

(scoffs)

There you are, children.

This is what happens when

you don't do your homework.

It's only going to get worse.

(bell rings)

-Bye, Miss Del Rio.

-Hey!

I notice you avoided

most of the damage today.

Oh, well, yeah. I mean,

I actually read

the chapter last week,

so I knew the surprise,

but that was

still really awesome.

Good job, Bobby.

You know my real name?

Who am I fooling?

Of course I know your real name.

Now, tell me.

What's going on here?

Oh, I mean,

I could say something,

but I've already

complained to Principal Wayne

about a hundred times, so...

What's the deal?

There are these guys that

follow me home from school a lot

and call me names, push me down.

You know, Bobby, sometimes

people are douchebags

just to make

themselves feel better.

It has nothing to do with you.

Now, do you have keys?

Keys?

Like house keys.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Let me show you a little trick

my mom taught me

-when I was younger.

-Okay.

What you do is you make a fist,

and you put the keys

in between your fingers.

-Like Wolverine?

-That's it!

And listen, this is going

to leave a mark

and you don't even

have to hit that hard.

-Revenge at its finest!

-That's it.

(moaning in pain)

Okay, Bobby.

Why don't you just leave

the revenge to us grownups?

-Okay?

-Okay.

(Chuck)

Hey! Miss Del Rio!

Hey, Coach Chuck!

Big win last night.

Congratulations.

I gotta say, I saw how you

helped the girls last night.

The cheers were

really something.

Yeah, it's amazing what the

handicapped can accomplish.

(chuckles)

You're funny.

You should see me naked.

(chuckling)

Really?

You know what, Coach?

There is something

I wanted to ask you.

Some kids in my class were

talking about Miss First.

-Who is she?

-No idea.

Come on, Coach.

You gotta know.

If I knew, I would tell you.

Can I ask you something?

I suppose.

Can I take you out sometime?

No.

I'm not like most other guys.

I'm not like most other women.

So say yes.

All right, Coach Chuck.

You want to take

me out on a date,

you better bring your A-game.

I'll be ready after 6:00.

I love it when

they play hard to get.

Girl!

Let's just say things are not

turning out as I had planned.

Are you okay?

Yeah, you can tell us anything.

We won't judge.

All right.

Well, for starters, I got fired

as soon as I got here,

and then I had to start

dressing as a woman

so I could get my job back.

Then I started

lying to the children,

telling them that

I knew famous people

so that they would like me.

I mean, who lies to children?

Well...

And to top it off, right now

I'm at a rollerskate rink

with the football coach,

on a date,

and he thinks my name is Bianca.

Hello?

Word, b*tch! Yeah!

-Yeah! Suck his dick.

-Uh-uh.

He's actually taking a leak,

and I'm trying

to grab us some beers.

Oh!

Don't drink too much.

Yeah. Bad things happen

when you drink too much.

Oh, really?

Coming from you?

Don't try it.

You remember that thing

with the candlestick?

(cackles)

(laughs)

I'll call you back later.

I've got things to do. Bye.

-Okay, bye.

-Bye.

-Don't hit my phone, ho.

-Shh...

-You don't pay my bill.

-...up.

-You got a four.

-Change the channel.

Ow!

(giggling)

So I was going

to take you to a stuffy,

fancy old restaurant,

but I figured this would

be a way more fun way

to get to know each other.

Well, I love this place.

It's really adorable.

It's more than adorable.

It's really romantic.

Uh, yeah.

And it also gives us

a lot of time to talk about

that Miss First character.

Are you still on that,

Nancy Drew?

Actually, I look

more like Nancy Grace.

But spill it! Spill it.

Tell me.

She's what you call a myth,

which means she ain't real.

Uh, yeah, I know

what a myth is, Chuck.

Well, they say that Miss First

turns the boy into men,

if you know what I mean.

Oh, it's got

to be that Carly chick.

She seems really trampy.

What makes you think I know.

Well, I would assume

you have her number

in your little black book.

How do you know about that?

I mean, come one,

Fread Flintstone.

Who the hell carries around

a book with phone numbers

in it anymore?

I only show that to folks

I'm trying to impress.

Well, you're really

impressing me, Chuck.

So tell me,

do you have a big family?

You are really, really pretty.

You are really, really drunk.

So do you have any

brothers and sisters?

I mean, it seems to be the

theme down here in the south.

I want to kiss you

so bad right now.

Listen, I'm trying to

get to know you, you idiot.

You know,

you are as mean as a snake,

and I love that about you.

Look, I'm already

falling for you.

Get up, you big oaf!

Oh!

Mm.

Oh, mother of Christ.

We're late.

What time is it?

(Chuck) What's the matter?

Uh, nothing.

I just have the worst

morning breath ever.

(Chuck) Did anything

happen between us?

I mean, sex-wise?

Oh, God. I hope not.

(Chuck) Why would you say that?

Because sex can ruin

a beautiful friendship.

Not if you're real,

real good at it.

Can you, like,

put all of that away, please?

You can hitch a ride with me.

You going to take

a quick shower?

Uh, sometimes a lady needs

Rate this script:5.0 / 2 votes