Hurricane Bianca Page #6

more than a quick shower.

I hear you.

All right.

(toilet flushes)

She's as crooked as a dog's

hind legs, and you know it.

And Principal Wayne knows it.

I sure as hell do.

She's worn out her welcome,

as far as I'm concerned.

As long as I get a Teacher of

the Year nomination, I'm happy.

I'll make sure of that.

Don't you worry.

We'll get rid of that skunk

faster than sh*t

through a goose.

(smacks her lips)

Mama, you don't think they're

too big, though, do you?

Oh, you look beautiful.

Come on.

I knew it!

I can explain.

Shaving is a really,

really good exfoliator.

You think I'm dumber than

a box of hammers, don't you?

Yes, it's me. Richard.

Yes, Richard from New York.

Richard that everybody hates.

Richard that got fired.

You don't have to kneel.

I can see you fine

from where you were.

I-I wanted to kneel.

That's really condescending.

My feet hurt!

That's why.

My feet hurt!

It's not all about you.

Fine.

I know this is going

to sound crazy,

but after they got rid of me,

who are they going

to get to teach these kids?

Carly?

Everyone thinks she's sweet,

but she's just as much

of a jerk as her mom.

You notice that too, huh?

I notice everything.

Do me a favour.

Keep your eye on her,

and let me know if she's got

any funny business going on.

-You can count on me, sir.

-Oh, cute. Real cute.

Why don't you go mop the

yellow brick road or something?

To celebrate today

being a half day of school,

we're going

to play a little game.

(cherring)

And here we go.

Who can name the substance

that cells use

as an immediate

source of energy?

Keely?

I wasn't raising my hand.

Did you do the homework?

Yeah.

I just don't know the answer.

Come on up here, Keely.

Come up.

(Students) Ooh!

-Right here.

Why didn't you complete

the assignment, Bath Mat?

Um...

Now, come here.

Stand closer.

Closer so I look prettier.

(laughing)

Now, what did

you do last night?

She went to a college party!

Oh, really?

How was that?

Uh, the pool was filthy,

and the music was torrible.

And that's worse than

terrible and horrible combined.

-Sounds horrible.

-Uh, torrible.

I think the real question is,

what did you do last night,

Miss Del Rio?

Coach Chuck said,

you were grade A.

(chuckling)

Get up here!

(Students) Ooh!

Now, look at me.

Come here.

Now, look at me.

Both eyes.

Bring that lazy one around.

There we go. There we go.

(laughing)

Tell me, big man.

What happened to your face?

Oh, uh...

My girlfriend got

a little wild last night.

(Student) Yeah!

(Richard) Yeah, whatever.

Okay, listen. The question is,

what is the cause

of most infectious diseases?

Oh, I know this one.

Raise your hand.

Keely?

Microorganisms?

Mm, pollutants.

And Keely is correct!

(applause)

Now for a closer look

into more microorganisms,

you could read page 43,

or just look into Tommy's pants.

(laughing)

It's a joke.

Good for you, Keely.

(clapping)

(Chuck) You need a ride home?

Uh, no.

I'm-- I'm okay.

I have a friend

picking me up, thanks.

I had a real,

good time last night.

Yeah.

Uh, me-- me too.

(car horn beeping)

Oh, you know what?

Th-that's her.

Gotta go! Bye!

(signing)

What the f***ing f***?

It's not what it looks like.

Are you sleeping

with my brother.

No!

Gross! Oh, no!

I'm just messing with his head.

Can I trust you

to stay away from my brother?

Maybe you should talk to him.

He might be a really cool guy,

for all you know.

You have no idea.

Just don't worry about it.

He teaches

right across the hall.

If you ever!

Okay, fine.

I will not talk about him.

I will not talk about you,

or that hat!

Oh!

Drive!

(engine starting)

Slut!

(slurping)

So, um, are you

from around this area?

Yeah.

A few miles outside of Milford.

I really like it here.

It's rather charming.

I'm trying to convince

my brother

to come down and visit sometime.

-Oh, yeah?

-Yeah, but, um...

(whispering)

He's gay.

Oh.

Well, you know,

it's getting better down here.

It used to be real bad

for gay dudes.

Mm.

Do, uh, you have any siblings?

Can I tell you a secret?

Sure.

I had a gay brother too,

growing up.

He used to get beat up a lot.

Must have been a real

chick magnet for you.

I never thought about that.

It's not like I went to gay bars

with him or nothing.

I would have.

I just get annoyed

getting hit on by dudes.

But I guess it comes

with the territory

having an ass this good.

(chuckles)

So, um, what happened

to your brother?

He ran away.

I haven't seen him since

right before his 19th birthday,

bit I swear,

I'd give my right nut

to know that

little sh*t is okay.

He brought it up!

I promise!

Get out!

What?

I specifically asked you not

to stir anything up with him.

But this is good news!

At least it's a start.

I really think

you shold talk to him.

I really think you should

mind your own business!

Let me get this straight.

You have a radio show

where you give people advice

about relationship problems,

and the way that you

deal with your own

is by running away from them?

You don't know

these people, Richard.

Do you think

my parents were happy

when they found out I was gay?

No!

But eventually,

thet came around.

My situation

is a little bit different!

All I'm saying is that you can't

judge people for mistreating you

about something that

they know nothing about.

All I'm saying is you

don't have to go home,

but you can't stay here!

(sighs)

(gasps)

(cackling)

Grand Inn.

Can you hold, please?

Okay.

Two twin beds

or a single queen?

A single queen.

(sobbing)

Single queen.

Oh, dear.

(Karma on radio)

Take my advice.

Whatever it is

you're going through,

surround yourself with

as many friends as possible.

This is the time

to patch up old relationships.

That's it for the

Karma Sutra show.

Good night.

(Voice outside) Listen,

this was your stupid ass idea.

Girl, can you get off Grinder

for a second

and do something useful?

Useful?

I wanted to text Richard,

and tell him we were

coming the f*** down here,

but you said, No,

let's make it a surprise!

Oh, my God!

What are you guys doing here?

You better tie your shoes

bacause you're tripping, b*tch!

Hey!

Richard!

Oh, we decided to stop on

our way down to White Party.

Yeah, this is a

really shitty place.

I'll explain.

So we asked for

a room with one bed.

Because it was cheaper

and not because-- gross.

You should be so lucky. Ha.

Anyway,

but when that cigarette-smoking

lunch lady b*tch

behind the counter

realized we were two dudes,

she changed the reservation from

one queen to two double beds,

which was $50 more.

You know I cannot take you

seriously looking like that.

You don't think I'm pretty?

You're the prettiest

girl on the planet...

(Both) ...of the apes!

(laughing)

So what else did we miss?

Well, I just think

everybody was right.

What the hell am I doing here?

You're following your dreams.

That's adorable.

Well, it looks like I'm going

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