I Heart Huckabees Page #12

---

to something

you compulsively avoid...

so it will never be

examined or felt...

hence your behavior becomes

repetitive like the story.

- Like the story.

- Like the story.

- Like the story. Like the story.

- Like the story.

Shut up.

All right.

I don't have to tell stories.

What do you think would happen

if you didn't tell the stories?

- Are you being yourself?.

- How am I not myself?

- ''How am i not myself?.''

- Myself.

- Myself.

- ''How am I not myself?''

- How am I not myself?

- [ Bernard ] ''How am i not myself?.''

- How am I not myself?

- ''How am i not myself?.''

How am I not myself?

How am I not myself?

[ Together]

How am I not myself?

[ Whispered Voice ]

How am i not myself?.How am i not myself?.

How am i not myself?.

How am i not myself?.

How am i not myself?.

How am i not myself?.

- How am i not myself?.

- [ Woman ] Bradley?

She's starving.

She's a busy lady.

i order a ton of tuna fsh sandwiches.

That's all she was eating back then, tuna fsh.

- No mayo--

- Hey, Bradley, how do you like

the corporate men's room?

Freakin'awesome, man.

- [ Sighs ]

- [ Marty ] Hey, Brad,you want

to hear something funny?

The Dundalee Cups are blowin'out

in the Sunbelt franchises.

How's that for super weird?

That's a good thing to bring to the table today.

Right? You arejust

what the doctor ordered, my friend.

- Right?

- Right on.

Well, let's go, dude. i'm gonna introduce you

to the board of directors, my friend.

-John, what did Legal say?

-Jerry?

- We have a legal problem.

- Well, I disagree.

Give him the Salmon Stripper, call it the

Bass Basher. They don't read English anyway.

-Just call it ''Tuna Tornado.''

- There you go. Legal can cover that.

Speaking of Shania and tuna,

Brad has the most incredible story.

- Go ahead, Brad.

- There's a Bass Basher

in Japan? What's that about?

- Well, we've got a trademark issue in Japan.

- You got a legal problem?

L-Let's hear the Shania story. I mean,

that's what they wanna hear.

- Yeah, come on, tell the Shania story.

- Come on, Brad.

I don't want

to tell that story.

- What?

- I don't want to tell that story, Marty.

Come on. You and Shania

are downtown in the loop in Chicago.

You're opening up the store.

Shania, she all of a sudden, she gets--

- She gets--

- Hungry.

- Really hungry. Right. And so,you order--

- Tuna sandwiches.

- Yeah, tuna fsh.

- [ Woman ] i thought she was a vegetarian.

You order tuna fsh, okay,

but you realize that she's allergic to--

- Marty, no.

- She's allergic-- Yes.

Come on.

She's allergic to what?

- [ Retching ]

- [ Board Members Gasping ]

Why don't you and me go outside

and have a-- have a talk? Come on.

- I'll be back in five.

- [ Man ] Five minutes?

- [ Man ] is he gonna put a bonnet on?

- Be right back.

[ Man ]

What the f*** was that?

[ No Audible Dialogue ]

F***!

[ No Audible Dialogue ]

[ Bell Ringing ]

- You're gonna get on the truck like everybody else.

- Get on the bike.

- Truck! Truck!

- Bike.

[ Man On P.A.]

Engine Company 54, stand by.

- [ Siren Wails ]

- I'm free as a bird!

You're just sittin'

in your gas guzzlers.

- So long, suckers!

- [ Horn Honking ]

[ Man On P.A. Continues,

indistinct ]

Where are you guys?

I'm at the fire, man.

[ Vocalizing ]

[ Vocalizing Continues

Over Radio ]

[ Sighs ]

[ Mouths Words ]

[ Mouths Words ]

[ Moaning ]

[ Sirens Approaching ]

- [ Woman ] Here we are.

- [ Man ] Pull it down.

Creation, destruction.

Creation, destruction.

Creation, destruction.

Creation, destruction.

Creation, destruction.

[ Brad ]

Oh, ho-ho-ho, no. Oh, no.!

[ Crying ]

Everything. My life.

Why?

- [ Bernard ] Oh, Brad, look at yourself.

- My life.

- You're sitting in a big pile of sh*t.

- Brad, it's okay. Believe me.

[ Brad ]

Nothing's okay.

[ Bernard ]

Nothing's okay, so it's okay.

- [ Brad Crying ]

- [ Bernard ] You think it's bad, right...

'cause your house is burning

and you might have lost yourjob?

I gotta go--

I gotta go to a benefit.

Don't-- Don't tell anybody.

No, tell everybody.

I don't care. Tell everybody!

- Oh, maybe not.

- [ Bernard ] Wait a second.

Oh, no, please,

don't tell anybody.

You didn't see me cry.

Nobody sees that picture!

- Nobody sees that picture! Why did you do that?

- No, no, no, no.

We didn't do this.

We would never do something like this.

- [ Vivian ] Never. Oh, maybe

sometimes. We didn't do this.

- Never.

Who the hell

is that lady with the camera?

-See-See--See, this isn't our thing.

- That is her thing.

- We wouldn't do it like that.

- [ Brad Crying ]

Why did you do that to me?

All right. I'm gonna go

to the benefit.

[ Sniffs ]

Screw all you bastards.

- Brad.!

- Brad.!

- Brad, we didn't do this.

- She did it, Brad.

- [ Car Starting ]

- Yes, I did.

That fire was

a b*tch-ass thing to do.

No, it liberated you

from the Brad.

Or did it bond me to Brad

in the insanity of pain...

until I saw that

I'm Brad and he's me?

- [ Vivian ] Yes.

- No.

Come on.

You guys work together, don't you?

- We don't work together at all.

- Really? It's not like some secret deal...

where she picks up where you leave off,

and then we come back to you?

- There is no secret deal.

- Well, there should be,

'cause that's the way it works.

You're too dark, and you're not dark enough.

You three were close, right?

Maybe too close. Then it went sour

and propelled you into one extreme...

and you into

another extreme.

So, voila! Two overlapping,

fractured philosophies...

were born out of

that one pain.

[ Gasps ]

Albert!

Wow.

What happened to him?

I don't know.

Hi. Welcome to the Omni Hotel.

Uh, we don't-- We don't check bikes, sir.

- Yeah, treat it like it's a car.

- It-- It's not a car. It's my job.

[ Recording ]

Tenth floor.

[ Woman ] Welcome to the Huckabees

Open Spaces gala event.

Huckabees pledges to--

[ Continues, indistinct ]

Huckabees pledges to--

[ Continues, indistinct ]

- [ Brad ] Davy, come on.

- Mr. Stand,you're not on the list.

- [ Woman ] Let's talk to Marty.

- What are you calling me Mr. Stand for?

- Let me in. Marty, I'm me. I made it.

- Marty, will you let Brad in?

Brad, shh.

Keep him out.

- Has everybody lost their minds?

- What is this sh*t? Come on.

- I put this together. I put this together!

- I know it's tough.

Josh, i put this together.

Shania.

Shania.!

- It's the new Miss Huckabees.

- Sorry. I thought you were Shania.

Can i get

your autograph, please?

These are still

the old pictures.

This is a collector's item

for sure. Thank you so much.

- What's this, Dawn?

- Do you love me?

- I think so.

- With the bonnet?

Uh-- N--

It's over, Brad.

I had a fire and almost died,

and he came.

And he almost died

'cause he cares about the same things.

- And that shows there's

no nothing, even when you die.

- It's okay.

And he likes the bonnet.

[ Man ] Excuse me.

We have a V.i.P. function here.

i need to ask you guys

to leave, please.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes