I Heart Huckabees Page #3

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She won't stay

and share this with me.

- T-Tell me what that is.

- It's important to me. I see it so clearly.

- Yeah?

- You use petroleum, you're

a murderer. That's a fact.

- Yes, yes, yes.

- Murderer. A murderer?

One-- killin' the ozone

and all the creatures that it's hurting?

- Calm down.

- Two-- killing Arabs in oil-

producing dictatorships...

where everybody is poor--

that is cruelty and it's inhumane.

- You've talked to me about this.

- So if this world is temporary...

- Yeah.

- identity is an illusion...

- Yeah.

- then everything is meaningless

and it doesn't matter if you--

- No. It--

- That's got me very confused.

No, it matters. It matters.

It matters. Look, Tommy.

See, this is the universe.

And that's our galaxy over here.

- What universe?

- What universe? This. Tommy, come on.

Come on. There's dust

and gas there.

- Yeah?

- There's us over here...

and good and bad luck

in the middle.

- That's chaos. That's my ''B.''

- This doesn't sound like you.

- No, Vauban talks about space.

- Where'd you get that book?

- You sent it to me.

- No, no. We would never give you this book.

- You didn't send this?

- Caterine Vauban's full of sh*t.

What is she doing here?

God, she never leaves Paris.

This is insane.

- This is a pretty good book. You should read this.

- What?

She says nothing's connected,

doesn't matter what you do...

you can drive a car,

you can burn up gas...

- Yeah?

- which would explain the way things actually are...

where people do destructive things

like it doesn't matter.

Tommy, Tommy, everything is connected

and everything matters.

There's not an atom

in our bodies...

that has not been forged

in the furnace of the sun.

- Now, isn't that cool? Huh?

- Yes.

- That's a cool thing, isn't it?

- But--

But what? You tell me where

she contradicts that.

- Oh, right here.

- Where? Where?

- There--

- Where?

''Less than 5% of the cosmos is composed of

the same elements that compose human life.''

- You know--

- There you go. That means we're all alone...

and we're miserable

and isolated.

Molly, if you--

Listen. if you--

if you leave him before he gets

done dismantling...

he will never make it

to the other side, okay?

You know what? i'm done

with the dismantling.

- You don't want to ask these questions?

- No! I want to live my life!

What is that life, baby?

What are we part of? Who are we?

Look at this. Do you know where

these come from?

- Yeah, my closet.

- Indonesia.

- The store.

- Baby, this is the truth, okay?

Little girls like you,

they have to work in dark factories...

where they go blind for $1 .60 a month

just to make Mommy her pretty shoes.

- Can you imagine that, Caitlin?

- I don't want the children to work in factories!

Don't listen, honey.

Daddy is crazy.

Daddy's not crazy, baby.

The world is crazy.

- It's important to ask questions.

- [ Caitlin ] Don't let them go blind.!

Mommy doesn't ask

'cause Mommy doesn't care.

- Don't stop asking questions, baby.

- Damn you!

- How dare you!

- Skippy, put her in the car, will ya?

- ''Less than 5% of the cosmos...

- Give me the teddy!

is composed of the same elements

that compose human life.''

- What does that matter?

- You should be asking these questions, Skip.

Guys, give him a break.

His therapist is down here to help him out.

Excuse me.

What did you call me?

- You're his therapist?

- No, i'm--not his therapist.

We need to talk 'cause this book

is making a lot of sense to me and I want--

And what is Caterine Vauban

doing in the United States?

What the hell

are you talking about?

- [ Laughter ]

- [ Man ] No, no, wait. This is really good.

[ Laughing, Chattering ]

[ Brad ] You think that's funny?

i got a story for you.

- It's only four months old.

- Wait. Wait. Listen. Listen.

Listen to the master, all right?

I'm with Shania. We're opening

a megastore down by the loop.

Shania's there

promoting her apparel, right?

It's 4:
00 and she's starving. So I order

a ton of tuna fish sandwiches, no mayo.

- [ Woman ] Stop it.!

- [ Laughter ]

Tick, tick,

tick, tick, tick.

Shania hates mayo, all right?

And she can't eat chicken salad.

That's no joke, all right? We gave it to her once,

she threw up in the limo.

- She's vomiting all over the limo.

- The lady hates chicken salad.

So I bring out a bunch of tuna fish sandwiches.

She still doesn't believe me.

I say, ''Shania,

I'm allergic to mayo.''

- Which, by the way, is a lie.

- He loves mayo.! He loves it.

Shania still doesn't believe me so I eat two

of the sandwiches in front of her to prove it.

So she eats one and a half sandwiches.

One and a half sandwiches...

before she realizes...

it's chicken salad.

- And she actually likes it.

- She did not vomit.

He made her change her mind. And that's

what they want upstairs in corporate, okay?

[ Laughing Continues ]

Excuse me? Can I help you?

- Shh. Shh. Shh.

- [ Woman ] Excuse me?

Yes, I'm here for

the Open Spaces meeting with Brad Stand.

Okay, well, then you are in the wrong

area entirely. Come on.

- I'll show you where to go.

- You're very, very helpful. Thanks a lot.

There's no reason for you to be up here.

This is an executive private floor.

it's for-- Come on.

Let's pick it up. Heel to toe.

Unless you're an executive or

an executive's assistant...

or someone who is a--

No. No, ma'am. Shania has no song for you.

Let's move it along this way.

You're supposed to be on another floor.

Security is very tight in this building.

Or at least I thought it was

very tight in this building.

Of course, every

now and then we get somebody...

who gets off

on the wrong floor.

And then people

flitting about--

At Huckabees, the everything store.

[ Sighs ]

Let me try that one more time.

I-- I-- Okay.

Tops and mops.

This week only.

At Huckabees, the everything store.

[ Man ]

Uh, Dawn, can we do it one more time?

i think we can do it better.

- I suck, Daryl. I really sucked.

- You're doing great, Dawn.

- I can't do this. I can't do it.

- Don't give me that face.

I don't know

what's wrong with me.

Your voice is the trademark voice

of Huckabees.

Oh, there she is.!

You're one sneaky lady.

I was almost in the elevators.

We're going now.

Let's move it along. There we go.

I'll show you where you need to go.

[ Thinking ] Moved my meeting to

the Huckabees corporation.

I saved this rock.

I'm going to save this place.

They're not gonna

save this place.

Rat-f***ing-bastard

Brad Stand.

Corporate prick bastard.

Oh, motherfucking d*ckhead.

''Betrayed''

by Albert Markovski.

Is it possible for anybody in this world

to work together to make it better?

I don't think so.

[ Man's Voice ] it was Albert's vision.

This whole thing was Albert's vision.

- [ Vivian ] Tell me about Brad.

- [ Man ] Albert let him in, which was a mistake.

- F***!

- [ Angela ] He has been enormously helpful--

[ Man ] He dropped Albert's poems

from the beneft. And the mailing.

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