I Heart Huckabees Page #4

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[ Vivian ] Settle down. Someone tell me

about the woods and the marsh.

[ Angela ] MaryJane, this is your story.

Why don't you do it?

My great grandfather owned

the woods and the marsh.

We deeded them over

to the municipality in 1 97 2.

In perpetuity for the public.

- Tell me why.

- We just wanted to share this beautiful place.

And now the town

is looking at subclauses.

- [ Murmuring ]

- All of the sudden wants yet another mall...

and houses on

this beautiful marsh.

- So we're fghting it.

- We are fighting it.

- We have to save the marsh.

- Sorry I'm late, guys.

I got the photo

of the wetlands right here!

It looks beautiful!

[ Brad's Voice ] Here's the marsh and woods

we're going to save.

This photo says

good times and peace.

Shania's right here.

No silly poetry.

Let the beauty speak

for itself.

[ MaryJane ] This is where

the littlejack-in-the-pulpits live.

An image is always better.

You've gotta reach people quick.

They don't understand poems. They don't want

to hear poems. They have no time for them.

They think too much.

Open Spaces T's for everyone. MaryJane.

- Extra small for your grandson, right?

- You shouldn't have.

Open Spaces T's

and here is the schedule for the beneft.

First up, cocktails.

Then, MaryJane...

you introduce the marsh video,

background story, animals, plants and stuff.

Angela, you speak. Marty speaks

for Huckabees. I speak. Then Shania sings.

[ Screaming ]

Shania Twain entertains us.

- Hi, have we met?

- No. Vivian Jaffe.

- Brad Stand.

- [ MaryJane ] She's a perspective from--

- Albert Markovski.

- [ Group Groaning ]

- Sorry, that's not gonna work.

- What's the matter with that?

- How are you connected?

- Through an investigation.

I worry about that guy. He alienates people.

What kind of investigation?

Existential. I'd like to ask a few questions

if you don't mind.

Actually we do. We do because

we've got to meet, and we're a little late.

Sounds kind of interesting though.

Have you got a card?

- Yes.

- I don't mean to give you a hard time.

Existential? Is that

like a therapy?

Okay, let's go, sneaky lady.

Let's step it outside.

[ Albert ] i told you to stay away

from my work situation.!

To solve your coincidence, we have to put it

into context. Brad Stand seems very important.

So you come by Huckabees corporate and

say you're my f***ing existential detectives?

- I'm lucky if I last another day!

- We can solve your case sooner

if you're straight with us.

I'm being straight with you.

Brad smeared me...

and took the coalition

in a different direction.

- That's straight.

- At Schottinger's photo archive

where you met Mr. Nimieri--

Who's Mr.-- Who's that?

- The African guy.

- That's the African guy from my coincidence.

- This is what I wanna talk about.

- it wasn't your frst time at Schottinger's, was it?

- Did I say it was?

- You did. You agree it wasn't?

Sure. it wasn't my frst time.

Big deal.

It was more like a regular thing with you.

And you weren't finding a still of Bob Dylan.

You were planting photos

of yourself in the archive.

- What are you getting at?

- Why would you do something like that?

To be noticed.

Maybe urgently.

- Maybe,yeah.

- Uh-huh.

How did that affect things

with Brad at the coalition?

How did it affect things at

the coalition? I don't know.

You know, it was a drag.

It really was a drag.

Because I wanted my poems to go out

with the fund-raiser mailing. Brad didn't.

He was all obsessed

with Shania and Pete Sampras.

Not what we were really

supposed to be focusing on-- hurt.

You planted photos of yourself and your poems

at Schottinger's. Brad didn't respect you.

- No, he didn't.

- And yet you brought him into

the open spaces coalition.

- Why is that?

- I needed the sponsor to take

my cause to another level.

That's why.

Why else would I do it?

- Like we said. To be noticed.

- This is absurd. Show me my folder.

- No. That is not productive.

- At the photo archive, you spent a lot of time...

looking at old Jessica Lange

bathing suit stills, why?

That's only because Lange

comes before Markovski.

I was putting my head shots under Markovski,

and then ''L'' is right before it.

I might've looked at a little bit of Lange

on the way out. What's the big deal?

- Albert, baby, come on.

- What, is it a crime? Is it a crime to look at Lange?

- [ Vivian ] Have you ever been in love?

- What kind of question is that?

- Do you even believe in love?

- Or do you only have fantasy relationships...

because anything else

would be too painful?

Bernard, excuse me. But I'm

making some progress here.

So am I, darling.

So am I.

Oh, no, no. i'm not going in that thing.

Every time i go in there...

it's all hating faces

that I have to chop up with a machete.

And then they multiply.

And we're going to address that right now.

- Okay?

- I'll leave it to you.

Come on. You can't retreat.

Back into the fray, Albert. Let's go.

I'm in your corner.

[ Heart Beating ]

Okay, Albert, i want you to melt

your usual identity like you did before.

- [ Woman Laughing ]

- Stop looking at me.

I said stop looking at me.

- Dawn is gonna love doing

spots for the open spaces.

- Who's Dawn?

Miss Huckabees.

Dawn.

- She loves your poems. The one about the rock.

- Nobody sits like this rock sits.

That's the one. She loves poems.

She loves forests, meadows, getting outside.

We'll just throw theJet Skis

on the trailer and head to the mountains.

Wait, you guys--

You go with MissHuckabees?

- She was doing some print work for us--

- [ Bernard ] Albert? Albert?

Forget Brad. Come back to me.

Where are you? Where are you?

Albert.

Picture a tree in a feld.

Good. Now put someone

you respect in the tree.

- Hey, dickweed.

- [ Albert ] Still Brad Stand.

- Add someone else.

- Like who?

You know, someone who can understand

things. Someone who can help you.

- Who's your guide?

- Well, I use Magritte, a Belgian surrealist.

- i got someone.

- Who is it?

Mrs. Schirmir. She was my high school

English teacher. She helped me.

- All right, good.

- He pushed her out of the tree.

Okay, Mrs. Schirmir has a vacuum cleaner,

Albert, that sucks up fear.

Now she's going to send you

rays of security and complete acceptance.

He chopped her head off.

[ Yelling ]

Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

You're doing well.

Now, don't give up now.

Didn't she vacuum a lot?

But then he vacuumed her.

I had to chop him up with a machete.

Okay, Albert. I can let you

in on a couple of secrets.

One, your mind is always

occupied on something...

so it may as well be something helpful

like Mrs. Schirmir and her vacuum cleaner.

Two, there is

no such thing as you and me.

So then there's

just nothing?

Three, there's

no such thing as nothing.

There is no remainder

in the mathematics of infinity.

There's only the blanket.

I thought I understood the blanket.

Now I'm not sure.

Flags and bags.! Huckabees says,

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