I Love You, Man Page #7

of leftover Koo Koo Roo,

so I was thinking maybe you

and me could go grab some lunch

and squeeze in a little jam session?

Leftover Koo Koo Roo?

Well, that sounds

about as appetizing as

a big pile of...

A plate of dirt, or something.

I'm... I was... I'm kidding.

Yeah. I still want to hang out

despite that joke.

- That was a bad joke.

- Yeah. You're better than that.

That's it.

- How's that feel?

- It feels tasty.

- Yeah? You sound pretty good, buddy.

- Thanks, man.

Here we go.

Wow, that's a good one, bud.

Hey, check out these two.

I call them bowsers. It's my nickname

for people who look just like their dog.

Good boy.

Bowsers?

Where'd you come up with that?

It sounded right.

Sh*t. Hey, geek!

I just stepped in your dog's sh*t.

Now I'm gonna make you eat it.

Peter, run!

- Yeah!

- Take it.

It's a bit of a throwback, but it comes

with the built-ins. It's wired for sound.

This is fun.

This is a pair of jeans that he actually...

This house is exquisite.

I'd like to make an offer.

What do you think, hon?

Yeah, I don't like that,

but for the most part, I mean...

- Take it.

- Really?

Yeah, take it.

Sydney, what's up, man?

What happened? What?

Shut up! No.

Did it smell weird? Is it discolored?

Shut the f*** up!

So how long have you guys

known Sydney?

- It feels like forever.

- What?

Remember that time

we tripped acid together

- and he made us watch the news?

- That was a remarkable night.

- Dude. Dude. Don't. Dude.

- Don't be scared.

- Stop it. Stop it. Drive! Drive!

- Don't lean! Don't lean!

Yeah, Pistol.

Dude, Peter is on fire.

- Boo-yah! Yeah!

- F*** me raw!

That's what I'm talking about.

- Sweet lunge, Peter.

- Yeah, Pete.

Suck it, Gil!

I love it!

Marvin Berry.

"You remember

that new sound you were looking for?"

Pete!

- Are you all right?

- My f***ing ass.

- Hey, you did great today though, man.

- You did. You made it up.

- I made it to the top. First time.

- Good job, bro.

- Hey, nice meeting you.

- Yeah, nice meeting you guys.

- All righty, Syd.

- Wait, where you going?

It's Sunday night.

Tina's nephews are coming over.

We're gonna watch

Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium.

No, it's just, I thought

we were all gonna have dinner together,

so I ordered us a 6-foot sub.

But I gotta bolt, too. I promised the kids

I'd take them to Cheeseria.

A little pizza action.

Yeah, well, I'm just gonna be stuck

at home grading papers tonight,

but thanks anyway. All right?

Fun day, guys.

- Pete?

- Man, you know, on Sunday night,

Zooey and I usually watch HBO.

Right. Yeah, yeah, of course. Cool.

But I can't let you eat

a 6-foot sub all by yourself.

- Do you want some?

- No,

I had like a foot and a half

back at Sydney's. I'm golden.

So, what do you guys do for, like,

seven straight hours?

Whatever. I mean, like, we'll just

hang out, you know. Shoot the sh*t.

Sometimes we jam a little bit.

- You play an instrument?

- Yeah.

I can't believe I've never told you.

I play bass.

- Really?

- Yeah. I slap the bass big time.

What do you... What is that?

You sound like a leprechaun.

- No, that's a reggae guy.

- What is that?

- I just did reggae.

- It doesn't sound...

- It doesn't sound reggae?

- No.

- Slap the bass.

- No.

- How does it...

- It's like, big time, big time.

- Big time.

- Big time. Slap the bass big time.

Slap the bass.

- That sounded like Borat.

- Yeah.

- Slap the bass. Big time.

- That's better. That's better.

Syd and I have gotten pretty good

at a couple of Rush songs.

What do you mean, like,

fast-paced rock?

No, like, Rush. Like the band Rush.

- I don't know them. The...

- The holy triumvirate.

- Wait, you don't know Rush?

- No.

- You don't know Rush, the band?

- No.

- "Exit the warrior, today's Tom Sawyer"?

- No!

All right, I'm gonna hit you up

with a little iTunes accin.

I cannot believe

you've never heard Rush.

So when am I gonna meet this guy

who's stolen you away from me?

Pretty soon, actually.

I invited him

to that little engagement party

my parents are throwing for us.

Wow, Peter! This is serious.

It's mellow. Besides,

I wanted to introduce him to Hailey.

- That's interesting. Yeah, I like that.

- Right?

Hey, let me ask you something.

Are you ready to get your world rocked?

Ready! Yes.

- Are you ready to get your mind blown?

- Do it!

Do you want to get some Neil Peart

all up in you?

I don't know.

Well, prepare to be Rushified!

- Sounds better on big speakers.

- I could see that.

- Good, right?

- Yeah.

- Do you do it that high when you do it?

- Well, in real life, I do it low.

- But air bass works best up here.

- Right.

This is exactly what I look like

when I jam out, man.

When I jam with my bass.

Slap the bass, man.

- There you go. There you go.

- I'm slapping the bass, man.

Slap the bass, man. I slap the bass.

Please don't do that.

- Slap the bass.

- Please?

Slap the bass.

- For the sake of our relationship.

- Slap that bass.

Please stop. Please. Please stop!

Thank you.

I'm slapping the bass.

I'm so glad

you're celebrating at my restaurant.

Of course, Mr. Chu.

We wouldn't go anywhere else.

Hey, this is my brother, Robbie.

Robbie, this is Sydney.

- Hey, Bro Namath.

- Nice. Nice to meet you.

- Peter, you remember Alan.

- From the gym.

- Yeah, hey, man.

- Hi, good to see you again.

- Alan, I'm Sydney.

- Sydney, nice to meet you.

It's a pleasure, man.

All right.

We're gonna grab some drinks.

- Cool, sweet.

- All right. Show them your stuff, fellas.

- Hi.

- Hey.

Zooey, this is Sydney.

Sydney, this is my fiance, Zooey.

Sydney, I'm so happy to meet you.

I've heard so many great things.

Same here. And let me tell you,

this guy, he's gaga over you.

It's adorable.

- Honestly.

- It's true. It's true.

- It's true.

- Guilty as charged.

Hailey. Hailey.

Sydney, this is my oldest friend

in the world, Hailey.

- All right.

- Hi. I'm good.

You didn't ask, but I'm good.

- Nice to meet you, Sydney.

- It's a pleasure.

Great. I told you we were early.

- Would you shut up?

- It's supposed to be...

The minute we get in

you have to start bitching already?

- You told me it was a drop-by.

- You know what?

- This isn't a drop-by.

- This is not a drop-by.

It's a damn engagement party.

What is wrong with you?

Can I have a Belvedere on the rocks,

- please?

- You're such an a**hole.

Could you just shut up

and not talk to people tonight?

And something

with sour mix in it for her.

I'm sorry they didn't cater this to you

and your liking.

- Hey, guys.

- No...

- Hi, you look beautiful!

- Hey.

- Hello, sweetie. How you doing, baby?

- Hi.

- Thanks for coming.

- Hi.

- You guys know each other.

- How you doing? Yeah, we do.

- Yeah.

- Yeah. So...

- What do you got there?

- Sex on the beach. Yeah.

You never know! Gotta be prepared.

- The possibility.

- Wow.

I'm just saying, you know.

- What is going on over there?

- Yeah, let me tell you.

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