I Love You Beth Cooper Page #3

Lisbee! Lisbee.

open this door!

The windows! Secure the windows!

Get out here!

ls he always like this?

J:

This is new behavior

but not surprising.

He's kind of cute.

Kind of.

Oh. my God.

Don't be afraid. l can handle this.

l wasn't afraid.

Why would you think l was afraid?

Congratulations. you found me.

lnteresting situation

we have here.

Have you been doing coke?

Not now. Lisbee.

He's coked up?

That is not one

of the good drugs.

Hey!

Aunt Brenda gave us that!

Prepare to die.

Okay. that's Mandy Patinkin in The

Prncess Brde. Rob Reiner. 1987.

Also the same line

was used by Emperor lurg....

Oh. my God!

Stop it! Stop!

Now. this is willful damage

to property!

That's a legal term!

Go!

Kevin. stop!

Hey. hey. hey.

No. Denis! Have you ever seen

any ot the Frday The 13ths?

You run upstairs. you die!

A weapon.

we need a weapon.

Oh. my God.

Find weapons. Aah!

Denis!

l know what you're thinking.

And. yes. this is

a polycarbonate blade.

l took some workshops

at the Star Wars convention.

Dr. McCoy.

That used to be a person.

so you show some respect!

Rich. l need your help.

Come out of the closet!

Uh. uh. okay.

Go. get out of here!

Go!

-Weird.

- Rich?

Yeah? Yeah. yeah. Yeah. Denis?

Over here. over here.

Are you okay?

Yeah. l'm coming. l'm fine.

Rich. what are you doing?

l think l've made

a terrible decision.

At which point did you think

that was a good decision?

Yeah. no. no. no. l d--

Rich!

Denis?

Are you okay?

l'm paralyzed.

l'm a paralyzed virgin.

You'll be okay.

Quadriplegics can have sex.

l saw a documentary about it

once on public television.

Let's go. Come on.

-Yeah.

-Okay.

Sean. Dustin. come on!

Go. go. go!

They're like cyborgs.

Denis?

Rich! Rich! Rich!

Why did you do that?

l thought you were smart.

l was smart.

Oh. my God.

Get him in the car.

Come on.

Are you okay?

Oh. my gosh.

Wait. Rich.

Lisbee! Stop the car.

Hey! Come back here!

Call me when you're sober!

-Are you okay?

-Yeah. no. l'm fi--

No blood.

Beth. we got away. so you can

stop escaping now if you want to.

She always drives

like this.

l was in Driver's Ed with her.

You could slow down.

We're gonna try

to watch the cones.

We're gonna watch

the road.

Oh! l-- Oh.

Not good. not good. Oh!

l'm gonna need you

to pull over.

Oh. sh*t!

Great. you just killed

everybody in the car.

l'm. like. the least notable

person in this car.

When we all die. l'll be

referred to as fifth student.

So. Beth. uh...

...l just wanna say thanks

for rescuing me...

...back there after

you hit me with your car.

That was pretty cool.

No. you ran into my car.

And l'm not rescuing you.

Kevin is heavily medicated right now.

Cocaine. speed. roid rage.

and he can't have another incident.

He'll get court-martialed

for sure.

Sure. yeah.

Do you remember the specifics

of his last incident?

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa!

Stupid drivers.

Could l borrow your cell phone?

l left mine back at the house.

Thank you very much.

l'll just....

-Honey. Honey. you're vibrating.

-You bet l am.

No. honey. honey.

it could be Denis.

l don't recognize the number.

Do you?

-Sorry.

-No.

Must be a telemarketer.

Oh. Mr. Cooverman.

Hey. Mom. Dad. it....

-Hi. Mrs. C.

-Hi. Mrs. C!

Yeah. that was just Rich...

...and we're okay.

And l can explain the kitchen later.

lf you need to reach me.

you can reach me at....

Beth. l'm sorry. can l get

your cell phone number?

Sh*t. my phone!

Kevin's probably tracking it.

-Aah.

-GPS that. a**hole!

A**hole.

Cool.

l rebuke you n the name of Jesus.

Ugh. Radio sucks.

Actually. why don't you

tune that to 87.1 ?

Cooked up a little commencement

mix that l think all of you will enjoy.

DJ C's slamming graduation.

What!

Well, we got no choce

All the grls and boys

Makn' all that nose

Cause they found new toys

Well. we can't salute you

Can't fnd a flag

lf that don't sut you

That's a drag

School's out for summer

School's out forever

Ever.

School's been blown to peces

Yeah.

l love this song. Who wouldn't

want to blow up their school?

Crack him like a walnut.

Hello.

Sorry.

Let's get some beer.

So. uh. l think l was knocked out

back there momentarily...

...because l definitely wasn't. uh.

you know. Iooking or anything.

-Yuck.

-What?

Maybe we should get you some

Band-Aids or cream or something.

Oh. no. No. no. no.

l'm-- l'm....

Wow. your eyes aren't blue.

My eyes?

Yeah. there's like some

green in there and then...

...on the pupil. there's like a hazel

starburst sort of thing going on.

Uh. my grandma used to call

them a real dog's breakfast.

Lucky dog.

So. what kind of beer

do you like?

What kind? All kinds.

l'm a maniac

for the brewdog.

Chips. chips. chips.

-Got it?

-Yep. l got it.

Suzy Q's. yum.

My mom says yum.

Yum.

Not like that. that's....

-Got it?

-Yep. good.

Hi.

-Hey.

How are you?

-Really good.

There you go.

What's with

your boyfriend?

Oh. he's my little brother.

What happened

to his face?

Dad beats him.

Sorry l asked.

Oh. uh.... Heh. heh.

l'm gonna need

to see some ID.

Of course.

Here you go.

Wow. You've lost weight.

Patricia.

You certainly don't look 37.

Well. thank you.

So that's t1 5.42.

without the beer.

Come on. It's graduation night.

Oh. well. congratulations.

Sam.

You seem like a cool guy. Sam.

Come on. Be cool.

Look. l could lose my shitty job.

How about l kiss you so hard.

every time you think about it...

...you'll have to change

your underwear?

-We got beer.

-Whoo!

So that was weird.

what you did in there. to him.

What happened?

l sucked his face for

like two seconds.

Sucked his face?

Purell me.

Wow.

That was a big sacrifice.

l couldn't have done it.

l mean. before drinking the beer.

l'd do two seconds.

What? It isn't gay.

It isn't gay.

lt isn't gay. It's not gay.

lt's within the three-second rule.

That's for food

dropped on the floor.

Yeah. uh. whatever.

She's not Beth Cooper.

lndians.

lt's Jack Nicholson. Easy der.

Something is really wrong with you.

Yeah.

To old D.H. Lawrence.

Hey.

Sorry.

Are you okay? l'm sorry.

ls that your tooth?

lt was deciduous.

You still have baby teeth?

Only three.

Now...two.

-l have two.

-For your pillow.

Thank you.

How did that get on there?

l don't-- l didn't even put--

Rich. did you put this on?

Leave it.

l have to pee.

Me too.

Ah. Me trice.

You know. l was

named after this song.

You were named after a Kiss song?

Yes.

My parents were headbangers.

-Whoa.

-Still kind of are.

Beth Cooper's parents.

Taking in a Kiss show.

Oh. man. That is so...cool.

lt's cool.

You got headbanger parents.

That's awesome.

Hm.

Why are we walking?

When l get my own car. l am

never walking anywhere again.

My dad was gonna

give me his old car...

...but then my stepmom b*tch

Tricia crashed hers.

Well. that's what you get

for splitting your parents up.

Mean, mean!

Never admit your

innermost fears to Cammy.

Oh. my God.

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