In the Weeds Page #3

Yeah, that's why I asked you

to give it to them.

You sure they ask?

Coke.

Extra Syrup.

Hey, I only do this for you.

Hello, Marlon.

Is Adam around?

Why?

I know he works Saturday nights.

Hold on.

Aren't you Adam's girl?

Woman.

And no, not anymore.

It's over.

Oh, that's too bad.

So you're single.

Take food off my line again,

and I'm gonna take off

your thumb.

She's here.

Who?

How many "shes" do you know?

I hope you don't mind

that I came.

You were the one who said

that we shouldn't see

each other or talk.

You look tired.

Yeah, well,

mustard's not really my color.

I miss you.

I miss you, too.

You do?

Do you really?

Of course I do.

You know that.

- I love you.

- Don't say that.

And you love me.

Look, Alice, this whole thing

is so ridiculous.

I don't know how I feel.

I think one thing.

I feel another.

And then I think I want to feel

something entirely different.

Alice...

...do you love me?

I'm sorry. No.

I don't love you.

There.

I said it.

Whoo.

It's like a tremendous weight

has been lifted

from my shoulders.

You were right.

Maybe we shouldn't talk

or see each other.

It's better like this.

What happened?

I have no idea.

Does she want to

get back together?

Define "get back together. "

- Love is love, and sex is sex.

- Exactly.

And until women get that,

they are never going to

understand men.

I could tell you,

Sasha never grasped that fact.

Never.

I tell you.

If she wants a divorce,

she gets it.

'Cause I'm young.

I'm rich.

I still got the need

to spread the seed.

I mean, you guys are loving

being single, right?

Wouldn't trade it for the world.

Best thing

that ever happened to me.

Can I get you gentlemen

something?

Yeah. You know

a good divorce attorney?

I'll tell you what, honey.

Why don't you just get us

your most expensive wine, okay?

If you need anything,

I'll be around.

It's not hard to get me.

Enjoy yourselves.

- This your 12-top?

- Yeah.

I don't envy you,

busy night like tonight.

You think?

You shittin' me?

Book's full.

Kitchen's slow.

It's a heat-seeking missile.

15 /. if you're lucky.

Boy, if I didn't know better,

I'd think you were trying to

take advantage of me.

I got a good station.

Deuces.

Deuces.

Lots of turnover.

Jonathan promised.

So you want me to give up

Park Place

for Connecticut Avenue?

I don't think so.

It's a fair swap.

You throw in 20 bucks

and it's fair.

- F***, no.

- Enjoy the deuces.

All right, all right.

Come on.

I think I'll take

my Andrew Jackson now.

I'm feeling like

we weren't properly introduced.

I'm Marlon.

I'm the fragile little egg.

Don't hold that against me.

I was just being charming.

Oh, is that what that was?

We may not have much time

to get to know each other.

I'm waiting to hear if I got...

Well, it's a lead

in a disaster flick.

I don't want to jinx it,

so I'm not gonna say any more.

Executive producer.

His name rhymes

with "Skeelberg. "

Are you single?

Your eyes remind me of Garbo's.

Look, you seem very nice.

Well, nice.

But I'm not interested.

The second they sit down,

start pouring.

They ordered bottled water?

Oh, yeah.

They ordered it.

Okay, it's perfect.

Mimi, here, please.

Suki, sit there.

George, right there.

Just file in, file in.

Find a seat.

Oh, it's perfect.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

Hello.

We are having a surprise party

for my boyfriend.

His name is James.

He's a little taller than you.

Great eyes. Very cute.

When you seat him, don't let on

that we're all here.

- Of course.

- Perfect.

Oh, yes.

Now, may I suggest our very

special wine this evening?

An enchanting pinot noir

from the Napa Valley.

It has a clean, flowery bouquet

with a lusty underbite.

- Fine.

- Great.

I'll start you off

with three bottles.

You're married.

No.

Lesbian.

I'm a big Ellen DeGeneres fan.

No, I just don't find cocky

a turn-on.

I can be needy.

I'm an actor.

That's our second nature.

It's nothing personal.

I'm sure there are lots of women

who find arrogance, vanity,

and narcissism a turn-on.

- I'm just not one of them.

- Okay, it's the principle now.

You can't just dismiss me

'cause you think I'm arrogant

or cocky or whatever.

I'm not.

It's a cover.

I'm healthy.

I'm balanced.

Whatever the opposite

of dysfunctional is, that's me.

But I like flaws.

I mean, a little too short,

a slight lisp.

Wounded's a big turn-on.

Neurotic drives me wild.

Clearly you're just too perfect.

They should neuter you.

You getting sent out?

- It's been slow.

- Like death.

The last time I worked

was that all-male production

- of "The Diary of Anne Frank. "

- You were good.

Mrs. Frank wasn't

the icy, heartless mother

that she's often portrayed as.

- You got that across.

- Thanks.

A lot of good it did me.

I can't even get arrested.

I'm thinking about getting

new representation.

Who you with now?

Actors and Artists.

How about you?

Artists and Actors.

But I did audition

for this pilot.

Yeah, I read for the voice

of Endorpho.

Extraterrestrial, wisecracking

dog with psychic abilities.

I f***ing went to Juilliard.

I went out today.

"Hell Hath No Fury. "

How'd you get in on that?

My agent said

it was already cast.

It is now.

It is now.

The figure's very reasonable

given the shape

the market's in now.

You're not gonna do better.

I don't know if you've noticed

the kind of volume we're doing

in this place, this location.

Down the street,

they've got lofts for sale.

They're $20 million.

$2 million a pop.

They can't sell them

fast enough.

I mean, frankly,

at this location,

the place is a steal.

It's an absolute -

Look, have you seen the way

people are moving in on -

I'll be right back.

Honey?

Yeah?

I love you.

Yeah, I know.

Could you put your jacket on?

The whole restaurant

can see your chest.

You gave me this blouse.

Not to wear in public.

This Coke isn't any good.

There's too much ice.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't hear you order it

without ice.

What's your name?

Marlon.

I know all the waiter tricks.

You fill the glass up with ice

and save on the soda,

so why don't you take

this Coke back,

bring me another Coke, and this

time, just six cubes of ice?

You'd like six cubes?

I surely would.

- I'll get right to it.

- So you will.

- Absolutely.

- You got it.

Simon's table?

Of course.

What the hell are you doing?

Nothing.

- Do you want to grab a smoke?

- One minute.

Whew.

Here you go, sir.

Six ice cubes.

Took care of that personally.

Thank you, Marlon.

You treat them

like you deserve respect,

they give you respect.

So, how's table five going?

They haven't said one word to

each other since they sat down.

Well, let's face it.

You run out of things to say.

God, I hope that's not true.

6- top on 7, 8, and 9.

Pronto.

I was surprised

to see Alice, too.

I cannot believe

she had the balls to come by.

She has balls.

That was always the problem.

She has 'em, you don't.

She's not that bad, okay?

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