Is That a Gun in Your Pocket? Page #4

had this no sex thing

in mind when they wrote

that stupid crap.

- Can't we just get a

judge to make them perform

their wifely duties?

- No judge is going to

force a wife to have sex

with her husband.

- Especially when

they see his ugly ass.

- Hey what are you

doing here anyway?

I thought you was getting laid.

- Well it seems the

rivers have dried up boys,

if you catch my drift.

- Jesus.

- Oh my god.

- She ruined my ak.

I can't ever use it again.

- You could use it

in San Francisco.

- This is no joke damn it.

What the hell are we

going to do about this?

- Well I suggest that

we all just go home

and ride this thing out.

They're gonna cave in.

They're weaker than we are.

Got it?

- Man am I catching hell

about this no sex thing.

- You are.

- Yeah.

Everyone's saying I better

hope the apple falls far

from the tree.

And sh*t like that.

- That's what you're

worried about?

That you might not

have sex with me.

- No, I just think you

should try and talk

your mom out of this.

- Why?

- 'Cause it's dumb.

That's why.

- You saying my mom's dumb?

- No, no not her.

Just this idea.

No one's going to give

up their guns Sandy.

- People said Columbus

was stupid, you know.

That he was going to fall

off the face of the earth.

- Your mom's not going to fall

off the face of the earth,

she's just going to

fall on her face.

- At least she's doing

something she believes in.

Why is everybody so

threatened by that?

- I'll talk to you later.

- Hey, you okay?

- Yeah fine just,

I'm sick of

everybody razzing me.

- I think what your

mom's doing is great.

- You do?

- Yeah I do.

And you can tell her I said so.

- All right everybody

family meeting.

Jenna?

You're all in here.

You're really not going

to cook for me anymore?

- You're hands aren't broken.

At least I hope not.

For your sake.

- Very funny.

- I don't get it.

- Quiet.

And you should be standing

by me as well young man.

- I was standing by you,

but then I got hungry.

- All right, obviously

things are getting

a little tense around town,

not to mention a little

tense around here as well.

What if I were willing

to give away my m16.

Maybe even the mauser.

- No that's not

good enough Glenn.

They all have to go,

and there's no giving

them away to your friends.

- When did you become

such a damn liberal?

- Since when did you

become such a damn idiot?

- Oh that's very nice.

You think it's right to

call me an idiot in front

of our kids.

That's what you wanna

teach your daughter?

How to belittle her husband?

Lance make sure your wife

never calls you an idiot

in front of your kids.

- What if his kids aren't there?

- Is this really

worth destroying your

family over, Jenna?

- Who do you think I'm

doing this for Glenn?

- Maybe you've got

a point to prove.

Maybe some crazy idea you got

from one of them talk shows.

- Did it ever occur to

you that I might be able

to come up with my own ideas?

That I'm not just

an extension of you.

- Is that what this is about?

You resent me for

giving up work,

or not going to law school?

Go back to work if you want.

Go to law school, just

stop acting so ridiculous.

What?

- You're behaving

like a neanderthal.

What's wrong with you?

- They're gonna get

divorced because of me.

- Look you may be a moron,

and you may have

screwed up royally.

But if mom and dad

ever get divorced

it won't be because of you.

You're just a little pawn,

totally insignificant.

- You really think so?

- I know so.

- Thanks Sandy.

- You don't like the oreos?

- Too fattening.

- I don't know how they can

go so long without having sex.

- I know.

If I had a p*ssy

I'd be sticking things

up it all day long.

- Yeah,

that'd be the only way

I'd get my daily allowance

of fruits and vegetables.

- Anyone wanna

bowl another game?

- I didn't wanna

bowl the last game.

- What's it

past your bedtime?

- Oh my god.

- What?

- Ah nothing.

- Come on you don't

get to do that.

Say oh my god and say nothing.

What's it say?

- It's a personal text.

- Well come on we

won't say anything.

- Baby I'm lying in

front of the mirror

on my stomach,

I'm so wet right now,

I'm touching myself.

- What?

- I'm so wet right now,

I'm touching myself.

I am picturing you

f***ing me from behind.

I can feel you inside of me

and I'm all, o o o o,

extra h, extra h,

exclamation, exclamation,

smiley face and I,

is that a cat emoji?

- What?

- I guess it means p*ssy.

- Is that the new iPhone?

What?

It's just really big text.

- Shut the f*** up, Dex.

- Look she's just

messing with you.

- What are you doing

out here so late?

- Reading.

Thinking.

- I'm sorry.

For giving you such a hard time.

And for acting all...

- Bitchy?

- Yeah I guess so.

- You're a good girl Sandy.

You're smart, you're beautiful,

you're a natural born leader.

I see the way the other

kids look up to you.

You can be anything you want,

you know that.

- Dad always says

I'm just like you.

And he thanks god

for it everyday.

- I just want

what's best for you.

- I know you do mom.

If I wanted to help

out with the cause,

what would you want me to do?

- Well basically the

same as the rest of us,

I would want you to convince

all the girls at school

not to fool around

with any of the boys

until all the guns are gone.

I know you and I haven't

talked much about sex Sandy,

and I'm sure it's a conversation

that's way passed due,

but if you and kieth--

- mom.

- Well I was never able

to talk to my mother

about these things and I want

you to be able to talk to me.

- We agreed to wait until

our one year anniversary.

- When's that?

- Tomorrow.

- Oh.

- Yeah.

- If he loves you

Sandy, he'll wait.

- You can't be serious.

I've waited a whole year.

- So what's another week or two?

- Rockford's not going

to give up their guns

in a week or two Sandy.

They'll probably never

give up their guns.

- You could help you know.

Try to talk people into it.

- Listen I don't wanna

sound like a jerk Sandy but

I may not be able to wait.

- Fine, don't wait.

Go find someone else.

Maybe I will too.

- Who?

- I could hook up with any

guy I want to right now

and he'd gladly wait for me.

- You don't love me.

- Stop being such a baby kieth.

Of course I do.

And if you love me you'll wait.

- And if you loved

me you wouldn't.

- I can not believe you.

Wait.

Come on.

Sandy.

- All right

now come on everybody.

- Aside from our

god given rights,

it is also our

constitutional right

for a person to bare arms.

It's written right there

in the second amendment.

- Where?

- What?

- Where in the second

amendment does it say that?

I'll tell you where,

it's no where.

- She's absolutely right.

- The second amendment only

talks about state militias,

before the supreme court

fabricated it in 2008,

there was no such thing

as an individuals right

to bare arms.

In anyway Byron this

isn't about your rights,

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