Is That a Gun in Your Pocket? Page #5

it's about what is right.

It's about keeping

our kids safe.

- That's right.

- Yes it is.

- Having my guns make the

kids a whole lot safer.

- Now you can keep your

guns if you want to,

you just can't make

love to us if you do.

- All right hold on.

Now the good book says love's

not supposed to be conditional.

- Amen.

- Does it really say

that in the Bible?

- No it's men are from Mars,

women are from Venus.

- That was great.

- All right.

Hold on.

It looks like maybe you

ladies are just being

a little over zealous.

Why don't we let cool

heads prevail here?

I think the compromised

solution here

would be no assault weapons.

- Wally that's, no.

- All right hold on.

- Hell no Wally

it's all or nothing.

- There you see.

- See you can't

even give an inch.

- All right that's enough.

Hold on.

Hold on, you listen to me,

I think I can safety say

that I speak for the majority

of the men in this

town and quite frankly

we don't appreciate being

held hostage like this.

- Wally, I don't

have to remind you

that elections

are in four weeks,

more than half of the

registered voters in this town

are women.

That sounds more like it.

Are you going to support

this gun initiative or not?

- Shirley this initiative

is over reaching.

And you've hastily written,

I'm not--

- you're all gonna

have to decide.

How bad do you wanna play with

the little man in the boat?

- Who's the little

man in the boat?

Dang.

- You gotta decide Wally.

Yes or no.

- No.

- Then I hereby nominate

Jenna keely for mayor.

- Oh...

No Shirley that's real nice

but I don't think that--

- hang on a minute.

All right now wait

just a minute here.

Jenna's got a home to run

and right now she's got

her hands full with that.

- I accept the nomination.

- Power Jenna.

- A**hole.

- Oh yeah.

- Look I just don't

understand why I can't sleep

in the same room

with you anymore.

- Because i

don't trust myself.

- Well doesn't that

tell you something?

Don't you wanna try

for?

- Louis Alberto

That is hitting below the belt.

- So is this.

- I thought you

didn't care about sex.

- It's only an issue when

you're not having any.

It's a little rude to be

brushing your teeth right now.

F***.

- My son Lance did

a really careless thing

that could have had

tragic consequences.

Now I know many of

you love your guns,

but it's time to decide.

- Hey folks we

have a blue light special

on beer in the fridge section

so grab yourself a cold one.

- Now I know many

of you love your guns,

but it's time to decide

which you love more,

you're guns or your family.

Well thank y'all for

coming out tonight

and thank you harland for

offering up your room.

- Happy to help, happy to help.

Just make sure y'all

lock up when y'all leave.

- Okay.

Well welcome to wag.

Women against guns.

We're here tonight

to strategize.

To figure out a way we

can win this battle,

so I'd like to open it

up now for discussion.

Anybody have any ideas?

- Well it seems to me,

we all know where the

men keep their guns.

Why not just take them

while they're sleeping?

- Well I think the idea

Gladys is to get them to

do it voluntarily

otherwise they'll just

go get new guns.

- Maybe the thing to do is we

raise the stakes a little bit

you know turn up the heat.

- How?

- Bam, bam, bam.

- You want us all

to become lesbians?

- No, make it

unbearable for them.

You know sexting wasn't

working so we dress sexy.

- Short skirts and cleavage.

Show off those gams and titties.

Like proper sluts.

- And we start talking nasty,

you know make 'em

want it real bad.

- Geez Tina, Louise why didn't

i think about this before?

- What, think off what?

- Teresa darling you still

got that closing shift

at the relax hall?

- Ain't been fired yet.

- Okay and y'all still

sell those boner pills?

- We sure do.

- Okay.

Oh it's good.

- More coffee bill?

- Yes please.

Why are you so

cherry this morning?

- Why not.

- A town divided,

not by nuclear power plants,

toxic waste or economic crisis,

but by politics, sexual

politics that is.

The women of this small

town named after reclusive

billionaire Cyrus rockford,

are waging a war against

their male counter parts.

Rid rockford of all guns

or no sex.

You heard right.

- Howdy ma'am.

I just wondered if you

could move your camera

away from this store front

because the owner doesn't,

the owner doesn't want,

gee thanks.

- Are you getting this?

- That is kinda hard to miss.

Pun intended.

- Oh hi Dex.

- Morning Connie.

- What can I do for you?

Would you like to

make a deposit?

- Oh no.

It's the shorts.

Excuse me.

- Bye dexie.

- no one's going

to pay attention

to a bunch of

crazed house wives.

- They're withholding

sex from their husbands.

- We're gonna have to

send a support team.

I want you to

spearhead this thing.

I swear every time some

idiot shoots somebody

in a school all the other

idiots have to go on about

gun control.

Do whatever you need to do,

but just make this

thing go away.

- Yes sir.

- All right look everybody

in favor of going on strike

raise your hand.

- A strike?

- Why not?

It's not about the sex,

it's about the principle.

And I hate to say it guys but

they're a lot more organized

than we are.

- Well what are you

suggesting we do?

- When Arlene asks

you to wash the car,

you say can't do it.

When Connie asks you to

fix the garbage disposal

you say, can't do it.

- No I can't do that anyway.

- All right point is

whatever they ask us to do

we can't do it.

We have to hang tough.

- I'm sick of jerking off.

- Why don't we get

some blowup dolls?

- I'm sick of airheads too.

- All right what

about the strike guys?

- All right look all those

in favor of going on a strike

raise your hand.

Opposed?

Gentleman we are now

officially on strike.

Hold on, hold on.

Any other order of business?

- Just one.

Seems to me everybody

here's a bit frustrated

and tense.

- Who the hell are you?

- Elias Jones from the

national gun organization.

Dwayne lafontein asked me

to come down here personally

to see just how we

could be of help.

- Send us some hookers.

- How many?

- Hey we're in church buddy.

- Oh I think god'll understand.

After all the way your

ladies are behaving

that's awful unchristian like.

- I've never paid for

sex in all my life

and I'm not about to start.

- We'll foot the bill.

- A brunette with dd please.

- Give me a break the

closest you ever got

to a dd is in flashlight.

- Fellas we want you to know

you're not alone

in this struggle.

Now if they're gonna tell you

you can't have guns,

what's next?

Poker night?

Football Sunday?

Hell this is immoral fellas.

- He's right.

This here is a moral issue.

Bring on the hookers.

- Some of us are married.

- Some of us aren't.

- What about the law?

- Well before I do anything

I gotta see something first.

Lately you know my eyes

haven't been too good.

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