Jack and Jill Page #5

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I want to play 20 Questions.

Remember that game?

When we were little?

20 Questions?

Okay, first question.

Animal, mineral...

I'm going to go

to the bathroom.

Okay...

See you.

Um, should I take away

your salads?

Oh, I think he's just waiting

for his to cool off.

So, we'll just, um...

Just a few more minutes.

Thank you.

Hello? Hello?

Funbucket? Funbucket?

Hello?

He must have gone out

to get some air.

Good job.

You're alive!

How did it go?

Oh, it was... It was fine.

He didn't try anything funny

with you, did he'?

No, no.

Does he want to go out again?

Is he your prince?

Are you his princess?

Did he ask

for your number?

Did he kiss you good night?

Oh, will you

kids stop it already?

It was just a date!

Why do you put so much

pressure on me?

Why are

there so many stairs?

I miss your old chandelier!

No one's ever going to love me!

I'm a loser!

Oh, my God, I'm an idiot.

Why?

Why are you an idiot?

Busted, disgusted,

never to be trusted.

Hi, Jill.

It's okay, it's...

We've all had bad dates.

Whatever.

He was such a...

I thought he was cool

for a second.

Jack feels like

you deserve to go out

with a guy

who treats you right.

So guess who is taking you

to the Lakers game

tomorrow night.

Hairfingers23 from

the computer?

No, actually, I'm your date.

I love that, Pagogo!

Ook maga do do!

That sounds great.

Finally some twin time.

Oh, pali wali, zoom gali gali.

That means, "I want to

choke on my own vomit."

Does it?

L... I'm a little rusty.

I don't remember everything.

Oh, my God, look at these guys.

They're huge.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're too big.

It's freaky. Will you stop'?

It's weird. Stop it.

No, it's...

Where do they buy pants'?

Just please keep walking.

I'm sorry.

It's like

nuclear-power-plant big.

That's... That's big.

John, we're so close here.

Hey. You got us in the game.

What's, uh...

What's going on

with the beard, man'?

I'm doing research.

I don't want to be

recognized, okay'?

Who is that?

Hey, Jill, don't go nuts,

but I'm gonna try

and talk to Al Pacino.

It's Pacino!

Al Pacino, the movie actor?

Yes, yes, stay calm.

What do you think

people are thinking here,

that I'm sitting with my rabbi?

Hey, guys, big game tonight.

Yeah. How you doing, Johnny'?

How are you? Huge fan.

Good to see you. Thank you.

And, uh, Mr. Pacino,

I actually met you one

time at a movie premiere.

He's thirsty.

Okay...

It was Cats & Dogs 3,

and we were sitting

in the same row.

One of your kids

knocked over your popcorn,

and I gave you mine.

And you called me "Popcorn"

the rest of the night.

Popcorn.

Yes.

Yeah, nice to see you again.

Hey, what's with the beard?

You look a little

like Bin Laden.

I was kind of thinking Castro, myself.

Yeah.

No, no, it's like

the cough drops guy,

the Smith Brothers.

Who is that?

Is that your wife'?

No, no, no, that's

my sister Jill.

She's in from the Bronx.

Hey, Al, do you think

you'd ever...

Dulcinea.

What's that?

You're from the Bronx?

Yeah, born and bred.

Throggs Neck, the nice part.

Al, I got a question for you,

and I know it's a long shot.

Well, I'm from the Bronx.

Oh, okay. Did you know that?

Yeah, to be honest, I don't

know much about you.

I haven't seen

a lot of your movies,

but I hear you're very serious.

Well, you know... Okay.

Hey, is Ryan Seacrest here?

Have you seen him?

Do you know him?

I'm sorry, who-crest?

Al, would you ever

consider doing a...

Eh, who is your friend?

Was he in Duran Duran?

Were you in Duran Duran?

Yes. Yes, I was.

So, tell me, how long are

you gonna be in L.A.?

Oh, my God.

Is that John Stamos? Who?

Pagogo, Pagogo, let's

go before he gets away!

I want to see him

up close! Please!

Oh, so, Al,

I'm gonna get a hold

of your agent, if that's cool.

Time to play ball.

When's the marching band

come out?

Uh, that's not going to happen.

No?

Here we go. Here we go.

Kobe Bryant!

Compliments of Mr. Pacino.

What's this?

I can't believe this.

This is insane, man!

You got to call him!

Oh, cool your buns.

You know I'm still hurting from

the whole Funbucket fiasco.

No, but Pacino liked you!

I swear to God,

he really liked you!

Oh, will you stop already?

You know all he wants to do is

play Twister with your sister.

Jill, will you just

do this for me?

You know, maybe I'll be ready

to date again in a few weeks.

We'll sit and talk about

it on New Year's.

New Year's?

But you're not gonna

be here on New Year's,

'cause that's

after our birthday.

Which is when you're leaving.

Yeah. Uh, I guess so.

So, if New Year's comes up...

Mmm-hmm.

Just tell Jill that

one more passenger

on the cruise ship, it'll sink.

I'm not telling her that.

Tell her... You got

to tell her something.

I'm not having her

come to Europe.

It's the kids' first trip.

Hey, how are we doing in here?

It's 6:
32.

Forty-three years ago at this

very time, you were born.

Happy birthday, Number One.

Okay, thank you.

Aw, happy birthday, you guys.

Okay.

No, no, no, not yet, not yet!

I wasn't born yet. I'm 6:33.

I'm still 42, Erin. Oh, God.

So how does it feel, old man?

Getting rickety in the bones?

I'm so bummed that

you're leaving tomorrow.

I'm going to miss you.

Oh, yeah. Oh, God.

I'm going to miss...

I'm going to miss

you guys, too.

Especially on New Year's.

Get the violins going, yeah.

It's just, every year, I'd

go with Mom to Valentino's.

It's the restaurant, Erin,

where my mother met my father.

Oh, I knew that was

going to be big.

Don't throw it out.

We can make

a birthday candle with it.

Hey, we're only

I hope they sing

Happy Birthday to us.

Yeah, I hope we still have

our table there, Slick.

Why is it so dark in here?

Are we going to get

killed or something'?

Surprise!

Oh, my God.

Jack, we got you.

You are having a party for us?

Oh, coolness!

Every bodys here.

And I just had to meet

your twin sister.

Very nice to see you.

I mean, you guys

really do look alike.

I say that all the time.

He says no.

Jill, I want

to introduce you around.

This is

going to be a bad night.

This is going to be

an awful, awful night.

Really, it's fascinating.

So, how does it work,

Mr. Subway Sandwich?

Just, well, just tell me more.

Just Jared's fine.

Call you Jared? Okay, sure.

It's just,

To me, that seems too much,

almost like a job.

I couldn't do that.

I don't eat that many. No?

Okay, okay,

here's the situation.

You're here, there's

not a Subway in sight.

You're at a steakhouse

like this.

What do you eat?

What do you eat'?

I eat other things.

Oh, you do'?

You do'? I knew

you were cheating.

That's why there's so

much goo left on you.

What?

I miss the old Jared,

the 400-pound Jared

that scared us.

I don't miss that one at all.

Well, I'm sure you don't.

But if he was around, he'd be with me

and not with the two hookers.

Well, yeah,

we love musicals.

You know what?

You're the Sham-Wow man, right?

Yeah. Funny story.

- Uh, Jack used to be a bed-wetter.

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