Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa Page #7

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Take it again. Take it again.

Oh, Jesus.

All right.

You want some of this?

Why can't I just stay with

you instead of my dad?

'Cause that's not the plan.

We can change the plan.

How about this?

If I make this shot,

I get to stay with you

instead of my dad.

All right.

Get that out of here!

How about

we become tuna fishermen

and then move to Japan?

Oh, boy.

We'll get a fish market

and then we sell all tuna

and we'll be billionaires.

There is lots of tuna

in Japan, that's for sure!

That's the best idea

I heard in years, son.

Do you like to fish, old man?

I used to like to fish a lot,

but that was before.

Before what?

Before a dark day when

I caught my very own Moby Dick.

Whoa!

Jesus!

Whoo!

Sh*t!

Oh, Lordy! Lordy!

A little help!

Oh, man!

Check out the nine iron

on this one.

Oh!

Oh, God.

Oh, sh*t.

What is that? What is that?

It's a large-nose

carpet croaker!

Yeah. Okay.

After that,

I never ate fish sticks again.

Grandpa, I'm hungry.

You know what?

I may have a solution.

Are you sure

this is a good idea?

Of course it is.

You can get away

with most anything,

all you got to do is try.

Follow my lead.

Okay, folks, can we get

a picture here with everyone?

Can everybody back up

on this side a little bit?

Just kinda take

a couple steps back.

Keep going,

just a little bit more.

Look at this.

This is lovely!

Wow.

Look at that.

- It's pretty, right?

- Yeah.

Sir, can you

back up out of the way?

I'm trying to take a picture.

Oh, oh! Oh!

Help him!

Are you okay, Grandpa?

Ow!

Oh, my God!

Who pushed me?

I don't know.

I think you just fell.

Mmm.

Here. Got you some breakfast.

Sweet!

All right.

Hmm. What's today?

Saturday.

Bet we could've stirred up

some trouble here.

Damn shame I got to drop you

at your dad's tomorrow.

Oh, the hell with it!

Let's go have some fun.

Would you like to see

a magic trick?

I need a $20 bill as a prop.

And I'll give it

right back to you.

Allakazoo, allakastid...

Grab the stuff...

Let's beat it, kid!

Come on! Come on!

What are you doing? What are

you waiting on? Come on!

- Grandpa, the car!

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Have a sip of beer

with Grandpa.

Whoa.

'Cause he should not

be drinking.

Grandpa, I'm f***ing wasted.

Whoops!

What the hell was that?

You little cooter stretcher!

No!

Wedgie, wedgie!

What's on your shirt?

Damn it. Ah...

Okay, my little wingman,

why don't you take

the big bed tonight?

- You deserve it.

- Thank you, Grandpa!

Settle down, now.

We got to get some sleep.

We got Raleigh tomorrow.

Night, Billy.

Grandpa, can we go

fishing tomorrow?

Maybe.

Promise?

Sure, I promise maybe.

Oh, I think I hear

a flock of geese!

Oh, my God,

I think I just sh*t myself.

Good night, buddy.

I don't want to go

to my dad, though.

Well, I...

You got to. I can't...

Keep you.

I just can't do anything

with you right now.

But I'm sure your father

will, uh, do the right thing.

My son's grandfather

is dropping him off.

I ain't seen the boy

in three or four years.

- So, you know... Yeah.

- Really?

She took him

away from me, okay,

'cause so she could get, you know,

whatever, 'cause she got mad at me.

Child support.

Child support'll kill you.

Guess what? Now I'm getting

the child support.

You got any speed?

- Hey, man. How you doing?

- Hey, man.

- I'm Chuck.

- I'm Patrick.

- Nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you.

Hey, what's that...

- Oh, f***, man.

- What's that, man?

What's up with the "GOC," man?

What's that, man?

Oh.

No sh*t.

Well, what does that mean?

Organization, huh?

Come on.

There's the old prick

right now.

It's about time.

You get lost?

Hey, Chuck.

Irving.

Hey, buddy.

How you doing, billy goat?

You want to give me a hug?

- Don't be afraid of me.

- Hey.

I know we had our differences

in the past,

but I'm gonna ask you right now

to please take care

of this boy.

He's all I have left.

Don't come at me...

Don't come at me

like I'm some kind of a**hole.

Of course I'm gonna take care

of the little sh*t.

- He's my kid.

- Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Just take it down, all right?

Just surprise me and don't be

a schmuck this time, okay?

We're all good.

Come here. Come here, buddy.

You be a good boy, okay?

All right?

I'm going to be checking in

on you a lot.

And I'm gonna

get word to your mom

that you're with

your father now.

And I'm gonna tell her

all the fun we had,

and all the cool things

you showed me.

Grandpa loves you very much.

Love you, too.

Good-bye, son.

Bye, old man.

Come on, Billy.

That's enough

of that horseshit.

Hop up here. There you go.

Get up here, little man.

Excuse me.

Just sit up here.

Here, take this bag off.

You don't need this.

Yes, sir.

That's good.

Thank you very much. I, uh...

I'm his grandfather

and unfortunately I have to

hand him back now.

I don't trust him.

Until his mom gets out of jail.

I'm sorry, sir,

I can't talk about it.

Please watch him!

Billy.

Hi, Rick.

Dad, can we get some food?

I'll tell you what,

you can have a water.

Please, Dad, I'm hungry.

You don't need

to eat that. You're...

No, don't give him that.

I mean, he needs to lose

some weight. I mean, honestly.

Thank you.

Will you watch

the little fat boy?

I gotta go take a piss.

When someone disrespects me,

I wanna be able to go,

like, "DT, take him out."

Yeah, no. We're not that.

"DT, see that..."

Look at that that guy

eyeballing me over there?

Listen, if I start

some sh*t right now,

will you guys back me up?

'Cause this guy's been

eyeballing me all...

No, no, you're on your own.

We're here having a party.

That's all we are.

Yeah, damn.

That's what we're about, so...

Billy.

Let's go fishing.

Let's go fishing, buddy.

What are you doing back here?

- He's going with me.

- Can we?

Yeah, you're coming with me.

Yeah, I don't want you

with him,

- all right?

- Whoa, whoa, whoa...

No, no.

Don't put your hands on him.

That's my son. I can put

my hand on him if I want to.

No, don't touch him.

You are his...

- You are a son of a b*tch.

- I am his family.

You've been no father.

- Oh, yeah? Really?

- Yeah.

Come on, Billy. Let's go.

Just stay right there!

Don't listen...

Hey, he's staying right here.

- Come here, buddy.

- No, no, no. He's staying here.

- Back off!

- You back off!

He's not going with you.

He's coming with me.

- Do you understand?

- No, no, no.

- He's coming with...

- This is my meal ticket.

You're not fit to have him.

I'm not fit?

- Yeah, you're not fit...

- I'm not fit?

I'll f***ing kick your ass!

- Get out of my face!

- All right, all right!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

- I'll kill you!

- Easy. Easy.

Settle the hell down, man!

You ain't going

nowhere, buddy. Stop it.

You better let go of me, boy.

Let me get his bag. Where's my

grandson's backpack? Take your grandson.

Okay. He's okay.

I can't hack it with him!

There goes my 600 bucks!

What are you

talking about, man?

That kid is my 600 bucks

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