Journey to Saturn Page #4

---

Oh, yes! Oh, yes!

Dear Danes!

Let's welcome our new allles.

These fasclnatlng belngs have come to

negotlate the future export of goods.

Of all natlons on Earth they chose us.

Because Danlsh goods are the best!

lf we enter into this agreement, -

- then early retlrement ls guaranteed

for all further generatlons.

That's not true!

The aliens are hostile.

They've murdered our astronauts!

Well, as soon as someone makes

a splendid inltlative -

- that will create prosperlty, -

- the leftwlnged, paranoid eco-freaks

crawl out of their filthy wood works.

Some people wlll always be naysayers,

when it comes to progress, -

- but real Danes will agree that those

who try to slow progress are traltors!

- You f***ing communlst!

- Filthy b*tch!

But where ls

the Saturn Expedltlon then?

Traltor!

- Welcome to Earth.

- Prepare a translator.

Attention! Thls looks llke

a cultural leftist art installation.

Hey, there's doorbell.

OUR FATHER & SONS

l'm Saint Peter, and l can smell

your earthly vessels from in here.

No tlme to chat, Santa Claus. We're

on a mlssion and have run out of gas.

Gas? l don't know anythlng about that.

But ... come on in and ask.

HEAVEN:

Just make your inqulry

at the counter over yonder.

Ashes to ashes and dust to dust, -

- so take off your boots

so as not to drag your dust in here.

We need gas.

l demand to talk to your superlor.

lt's him.

Yo, what's up, guys?

Want a gulded tour of the garden?

l'm wllling to help you suck up

all the water from Earth.

The oceans, the ground water,

the whole shebang.

- And what do you expect ln return?

- l want the island of Greenland.

The Kurt Maj Drink is top notch.

lt's made from puro Greenland ice.

The Kurt Maj drink'

the only water.

When you've sucked up all the water,

it'll be more valuable than gold.

People have to drink Kurt Maj Drink.

l already extracted large quantltles -

- and stored lt at different spots all

over the world. Have a Kurt Maj drlnk!

You can't do that!

Kill her.

CATALOGUE OF SlNS

- Excuse me, are you Jesus?

- No, man. l'm Stand-ln Jesus.

My older brother ls on Earth

trylng to make a comeback.

The old man ls maklng an effert

to get the business booming agaln.

We haven't had much followlng

these days.

Dlsgustlng!

Sexually deviant mutants wlth wings.

ADULTERY - DECEl TAx FRAUD

Yes! Alright!

SEx DRUGS

AND ROCK'N'ROLL

Hell changed lts marketing strategy

from eternal punlshment and misery.

Now their slogan ls:

"Sex' drugs and rock'n'roll."

- How can you compete with that?

- Let me go, you dlsgustlng cockatoo!

- Look!

- Let go of me, for f***'s sake!

- l haven't got the time to be dead.

- Hey, Per.

- l never thought l'd see you agaln.

- Where have you been, Per?

- Little Per, my frlend.

- lt's worse than the lRS up here.

l told them l had to return, but

they asked for a load of papers ...

- Oh, no. You're not dead' are you?

- No.

- What about the UFO?

- Well, it got away, didn't lt?

Let's just flnd some gas

and blow this hippie commune.

We don't have stuff like that up here.

The whole place ls wind-powered.

- God Almighty!

- You must help us save Earth.

Earth?

But that's our entlre clientele.

Say, the Holy Ghost mlght

be able to help you.

What do we need that for?

Ouch, you filthy llttle creep!

- They're flylng vermin.

- Easy now. Trust me.

ANGEL P*SSY

Unfortunately,

these guys have to return.

- Good luck with lt all, then.

- Llkewlse.

- Where do you thlnk you're going?

- What do you mean?

Our pollcy ls strlct: Once you've dled

and gone to Heaven, that's lt!

- l'm not even a member of the Church.

- What the hell?

F*** off, you fucklng paraslte!

- Where's it going? Come back.

- Fllthy shlt bird.

lt's a gas station! Right on!

- Look. They sell Danlsh beer.

- Beer?

Brewsky!

Yes!

- Well, Arne. lt's fllled up.

- And so what?

We have no autopllot,

and our navigator ls an lmpostor!

Rlght on!

- Thls beer's heavy.

- Per's never here fer manual labour!

Avlation deck, check.

Flaps, check. Englne burst, check.

We're ready r lift oft.

l found the manual. Just push start,

and we're headed rlght for Earth.

Well, let's go then, Per.

Alright, when the stars beckon,

here we fucklng come.

We're flylng at 20 times normal speed.

Do we need these translators anymore?

l'm so sore ln my butt.

lt mlght contaln info about the enemy.

Keep it up there, and you'll pass

the Dane test the next tlme.

Well, boys. e're almost home.

Hello. Per, is that you?

l thought you were dead.

How did you find your way back?

Per handled that. He turned out

to be an outstanding navigator.

- Susanne, has the UFO arrived?

- Yes, but l've ...

- The invasion fleet is on its way.

- The invasion fleet?

Dld the dictator

brlng a remote control?

Of course! The dictator uses

the remote control -

- to log unto the operatlve system

of other spacecrafts and control them.

lf you could get hold of lt, we may

be able to stop the entire UFO fleet.

- Okay. I'll do my best.

- we'll come as fast as we can.

So this is where you're hldlng,

rlght ln an intergalactic date.

- How sweet.

- Leave her alone!

When the stars beckon,

then big, bad Per is on his way!

why do you think I picked a bunch

of losers and a burned-out soldier?

You're good for nothing' and that made

you perfoct for my little mission.

Wish l had time to chat,

but I've got a planet to suck dry.

Say goodbye to Susanne now.

- l thought you'd done away with them.

- They don't know what they're in fer.

Put the pedal to the metal. Let's go!

- Where did that come from?

- We're dead meat, boys.

We'll hlt the moon. Shlt! This is

going to be one tough crash landing!

Oh, no. The invaslon fleet.

Why did l joln thls shitty mission?

l'll never see my dear famlly again.

l've lost everything

for f***ing Denemarci!

Sandwiches, beer and crappy soccer!

You can't even beat the Swedes!

And silly proverbs! Who the hell

llves in a house of glass?

And who wants one bird in the hand?

lt's a shitty nation!

l have to speak to my God.

- Where the heck ls Mecca?

- Just face Earth. That should do it.

Thls ls the perfoct place to erect

your water exploltation machlne.

You can't just take the water

on Earth. lt belongs to all of us.

- You get the Kurt Maj Drlnk instead.

- But ordlnary people can't afford it.

Then they'd better start saving up.

A strong signal on our radars seems

to indicate more incoming UFOs.

lt's almost an army.

- So many to bulld that machine?

- My soldlers won't building anythlng.

We'll have slaves do the work!

Never polnt a thlng like that at

other people. lt's fucklng dangerous.

Hold it right there!

We're on our way to Earth -

- to stop an alien invasion, and we

don't have time for your feollshness.

Work ls progressing at a steady pace.

We expect to be ready in 24 hours.

- You have 12.

- Danes can't work any faster.

Their work ethic has deterlorated from

decades of belng publlc employees.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes