Kaalakaandi Page #5

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I didn't kiss him.

No, you kissed him.

She kissed that guy.

You kissed him.

It wasn't a kiss.

It was.. It meant nothing.

It was like acting.

It just had to be done.

It was like..

Emraan Hashmi in 'Murder'.

Like Emraan Hashmi in 'Murder'.

Yes.

So..

- And 'Tumsa Nahin Dekha'.

And 'Gangster'.

'Kalyug'.

'Aksar'.

'Chocolate, Deep Dark Secrets'.

'Aashiq Banaya Aapne,

Love Takes Over'.

'Jawani Diwani,

A Youthful Joyride'.

So, you're..

- 'Good Boy, Bad Boy'.

'Train, Some Lines

Should Never Be Crossed'.

What? I'm a fan.

He's good, right?

So, you're Emraan Hashmi now?

You're going to be

Emraan Hashmi in America?

What did you want me to do?

I had to..

- Not kiss that guy!

Not kiss him!

Look..

Don't take this the wrong way.

Are you gay?

Are you gay?

No.

Are you sure?

Because you can tell me.

No.

No, you're not gay?

No, you're not sure?

No, you don't want to tell me?

- No, it was just..

One of those things

I've always wondered about.

I was curious.

Bi-curious?

Scientifically curious.

Like Madame Curie curious.

All right. Well

I'm here if you want to talk

about it. Ever. Whenever.

Old girlfriend?

- What?

No!

- Because you can tell me.

No! No! What do you want me to say?

No.

You didn't get a haircut!

It was my responsibility.

What will I tell mom?

You want me to?

I don't know how.

I don't want your kids

to look at your wedding album

and think their

mother married a twat.

You just ran a red!

Did you have a f***ing plan?

Watch out!

Watch out!

Watch out!

Watch out!

What are you doing?

Drive!

We have to call the police.

- Are you mad?

That car jumped a red light,

that is why I..

I don't f***ing care!

Let's just get out of here

before anyone sees us!

It wasn't my fault.

F***!

We have to call the police,

if we leave, it's a hit-and-run..

You don't want

to go to jail here!

Why will I go to jail?

It wasn't my fault. - Tara!

Listen to me,

have you f***ing lost it?

You want to ruin your life?

JJ, what's wrong with you?

What did I say? - Nobody's

going to jail here, okay?

Just..

Just go home, pack up your bags

and get the f*** out of here..

- While you still can.

We won't tell anyone.

JJ, you fuckhead!

It wasn't my fault,

that guy jumped a red light.

F***! Move!

Get out!

Someone's going

to come and see us!

Someone's going

to come and see us!

Tara, move!

Get out of that seat.

Move!

Move.

Just..

Get in.

Get in!

What happened?

Did I say something?

I can't do this..

You want me to drive?

You want me to drive?

I don't think I should drive..

- I can't get married.

Because you didn't get a haircut?

I'm a bastard.

I'm a cheat.

I betrayed Neha, man.

Oh.

That's cool.

That's fantastic.

I knew it.

Oh, God.

I'm a cheat.

Old girlfriend calls you.

You can't bring yourself

to tell her you're getting married.

You can't believe yourself,

in your head..

That you're off the market.

You want to hold on

to your old life.

What?

You think you're unique..

But you're not.

You're as unique as

a billion other people.

By you, I don't mean you,

I mean you as in..

You and me and the whole world.

You and me and the whole world.

I know what you're thinking.

Yes, okay.

You and me, we're not the same.

All of us, all alone..

All the same.

You saw what happened today.

And that was when we hadn't

even done anything wrong..

You had drugs.

You were going to smoke a doobie..

There were other people too..

- So?

There's nothing wrong

in smoking a doobie, okay?

It's Indian culture.

And marijuana should

be legalised anyway.

Yes, if the Spanish had brought

back marijuana instead of tobacco

from the new world,

we'd all be smoking weed.

from the new world,

we'd all be smoking weed.

Right.

- Which we are.

Right.

- And the tobacco lobby..

What the f*** are you talking about?

She can't go to the cops, okay?

This country is crazy.

Just get the f*** out of here..

Do whatever it is that

you want to do..

That PhD stuff,

expand your mind..

Shag some white boys..

- What?

Experience the world.

I'm just saying..

You know what I'm saying.

Will you guys find your way home?

Yes, okay, we'll be fine.

Just take her straight

to the airport, okay?

Yes, sure.

Cool, then.

Bye, guys.

Nice meeting you.

- Yes, man, see you.

I'll see you soon..

In America, okay?

Bye.

I love you.

F***!

What have I done?

It's not your fault.

You are a disgrace

to our family, sir.

You fell naked on a TV?

You couldn't fall naked

on to the lady?

You aren't a cheat,

you're a moron!

I wanted to, man and that's..

That's cheating.

If intent is cheating,

the whole world is cheating.

You need an excuse?

You don't want to get married?

Are you scared?

No..

I'm a terrible person, that's why.

She deserves better.

- That's true.

F*** you!

Should we call off the wedding?

What about all the guests?

Her uncle, the deputy minister,

is going to be there.

And all that food?

Who's going to eat the food?

I'm not going to get married

because a bunch of people

want to eat dinner and have

a good f***ing time, all right?

I'm not going to ruin her life!

What about that

dance competition?

Those guys have been

practising forever.

You want to call her? - Oh..

- Will you text her?

No.

No, I have to go there.

I have to tell her,

face-to-face.

I have to be a man.

- Oh.

You have to be a man now?

You didn't have to be

a man in that hotel room?

You're a f***ing a**hole,

you know that?

You're a f***ing a**hole!

He has so many enemies..

Did you see this? How does

it matter who killed him?

Why should I get shot?

It's your plan.

My plan was to take

a loan, not a bullet. Hey!

Move..

We will leave.. It's raining,

give us two minutes.

This reminded us of our childhood.

We're leaving, sir.

I should get shot..

And it's still 50-50?

You take as much as you want.

Feel free.

70?

- 30 for me?

It's my plan.

- Oh..

It's your plan now?

Take as much as you want..

But be reasonable.

70 per cent?

F***ing 70 per cent?

70 is not f***ing reasonable..

- Okay, 69.

Look, 65, 35..

That's final.

Come on, let's move.

We're leaving right now.

We'll head down

and we'll take a..

We have to leave.

We have to leave.

Come on.

"Inside a closed fist,

lies my life"

"strung by a string."

"Beloved eyes are full of tears."

"She chants"

"your name"

"even then,

why does darkness prevail?"

Don't worry, you'll be fine.

Don't think about it.

Just don't think about it.

Don't think about anything.

You need to get out of here.

All right?

You're doing nothing wrong.

You hear me?

Angad!

What are you doing here?

I..

I need to talk to you.

You can't be here, it's bad luck.

That's not true.

- Ask them.

And look at you.

You're not even ready yet.

And your hair!

You didn't get a haircut?

And this beard?

Make-up..

Is something wrong?

Is everything okay?

Can I talk to you?

For a minute.

In private..

Have a nice flight, ma'am.

Let's go. - Hang on, f***er,

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