Kaboom Page #3

---

- Wait, Stel

Sh*t

Sh*t!

Help!

Somebody help!

Smith?

What's wrong?

The door

It was stuck

Are you alright, man?

Yeah...

I'm fine

Who's there?

The Queen of f***ing England

Who do you think?

Get in!

- What the...?

- Just come here quick

What?

- Look!

Yeah that's a beautiful parking lot Smith

They were just down there

Who?

What are you talking about?

The animal masks men

You mean the ones you hallucinated?

I'm not hallucinating now

I think that something really

F***ing freaky is going on

Oh, sorry Were you two...

Gross!

No

You must be Smith's new girlfriend

Huh?

- She's kidding

Madeleine O'Hara, the red-haired girl...

London says she was in her Sociology class

And then went missing about a week ago

Well that's why I came by

She may have turned up

What do you mean?

Is Oceanography, that building past

Madigan Hall

Way out on the west side of campus

Right by the lagoon?

I don't know What's going on?

It could just be a coincidence

But I was studying tonight

In the library

And there on the floor

I saw this...

Unidentified Headless Female Torso Found

In Oceanography Department Dumpster

Days passed

I searched the news religiously but There

was no word on the body in the dumpster

I started to wonder

If maybe I really was losing my mind

To clear my head

I went to this nude beach

A few miles from campus

I've never been to

One before in my life

So one morning before class

I checked it out

I gotta say

It was a little nerve-wracking

But kinda liberating

Lying there with the sun, and the breeze

The smell of the ocean

All my worries

All the weird sh*t going on

Everything melted away

But then...

How's it goin'?

Mind if I join you?

Hunter

Smith

You come here often?

This is my first time

I didn't think I'd seen ya around

You in school?

Yeah. You?

- F***, no

I build and design hot tubs

Oh really?

Wait...

Do you like Do this a lot?

What do you mean?

This...

Oh, hey dude!

What's going on?

- Teaching this fag a lesson

Yeah, who's teaching who yeah fag?

Smith, this is my best bud Rex

Rex, Smith

Wassup, man

Well

I was just gonna grab a shower

Alright hey man, if you

want it you should try

Some of that awesome new

conditioner I just got

It's the one on my sofa

With the French name

Listen to yourself

You sound like a huge f***ing fag!

Ok fag, that's it!

I'm kicking your giant homo ass!

Who's the fag now huh?

You, f*ggot fag steak!

What's that?

- Fag burger with a side of fag fries

Yeah...

I'm just gonna...

You meet some guy on the nude beach

And 5 minutes later, you're downloading

his hard drive in the back of a van?

You're a slut

Really?

So did you dump Lorelei yet?

I'm trying to pull away

But she's not exactly making it easy

You're not inviting me in?

I'm kinda tired

And I have a super early class tomorrow

Is something wrong?

No, I'm just tired

Aren't you gonna kiss me goodnight?

Uhmmm...

Sure

Well, ummm...

Goodnight

I love you

Yeah...

Me too

I know I have to end it

But my experience with psychopaths

Like her

You have to ease away very gradually

The sooner the better

Before she pulls something really nutty

I told you nothing's wrong

I just gotta finish this project

You're not avoiding me Are you?

Of course not

If you're lying

That would make me very upset

I'm not lying babe

Look, I need to get back to work

I'll call you tomorrow, alright?

What time tomorrow?

After class

I'll be counting the minutes

Okay

- I love you

Me too

Goodnight

Hi, Smith

I hope you don't think

This is too creepy stalker of me

But I'm too much of a social retard to

Walk up and say Hi like a normal person

In case you're wondering

I got your e-mail from the

Explosions in the Sky's Facebook page

So at least

We have this much in common

Anyways I was wondering

If you maybe wanna get together

Have coffee or something

If not, then uh...

Have a great life I guess

Okay, I'm gonna stop now before

I chicken out and toss this in the trash

Yeah, I'm Oliver By the way

So I've been meaning to ask

The other day when I mentioned

The animal masks guys

You seemed kinda weirded out

It seems appropriate

It's a weird story

Is it your Mom?

How did...

Your face

My Mom's okay

She did the best she could

Raising me on her own...

Working full-time

What about your Dad?

He died in a car accident

When I was a baby

I'm sorry

I never knew him so it's kinda like

I don't even have a father

I don't see my Dad either

He was an alcoholic

Abandoned us when I was little

I guess we have more in common

Than we thought

What are you looking at now?

It's just my roommate's friend

Smith's got a crush!

I do not have a crush

You're hooked for him like you're Hooked

for that shaved egg roommate of yours

When I walked in

They were both rolling around

On the floor

Wrestling in their underwear

Straight guys are gayer than gay guys

The fact that they're in love but can't

Suck each other's dick

Makes them queerer than Clay Aiken

What...

What are you doing?

I inviting him over

Chillax Just having some fun

Here he comes

Hey

Rex, this is my friend London

London, Rex

You look lonesome

Want some company?

Sure Thanks

We were just talking about sex

She's kidding

So Rex,

Have you ever heard of the Kinsey scale?

It's a rating system

For sexual orientation

0, being totally hetero

And 6, 100% gay

Smith here is probably a 3 or 4

While I'm like a 1.5

Why don't we talk about something else?

Kinsey discovered that only 5 to

10% of the population are at 6 or 0

What do you think your number is?

Zero I guess...?

Boring

You wanna f*** anyway?

Are you out of your f***ing mind?

Dude don't worry

I'll give you the 4-1-1 after

Okay

Excuse me?

Let's have sex

Just with you, though Right?

Yeah, that's it!

Oh don't stop

You're doing great!

Are you joking?

Sorry - I've had pelvic

exams last longer than that

It's just...

You felt so good

What are you, 14?

Wow!

I'll be hard again in a few

And it lasts way longer

The second time around, I swear

Oh joy!

In the meantime

I'll eat your p*ssy or something

This just keeps getting

Better and better doesn't it?

C'mon Let me make it up to you

Yeah that's it, baby

I just want to make you feel good

What the hell's going on down there?

What do you think you're doing?

- Eating you out

Dude, it's a vagina

not a bowl of spaghetti

I don't know

What your f***ing problem is

But I've gone down on lots of girls

And never had any complaints

Maybe they're faking it to

Spare your fragile male ego?

Look, you want a few

Constructive pointers?

I don't need pointers

Trust, you so do

And you know what a clit is, right?

Yeah I know what a clit is

Think of it as a little girl dick

And treat it accordingly

Imagine what your dick likes

Kiss it, tease it with your tongue

Suck it, even nibble it a little

Just make sure you true-to-God

Treat it with the utmost care and respect

Which brings us to the number one

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes