Katt Williams: Priceless: Afterlife Page #4

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Y'all ladies talking

about you love me,

and you didn't tell me

my motherfucking perm

had left the building

20 f***ing minutes ago?

You didn't say sh*t?

I looked up there

and thought I saw

El DeBarge and Rick Fox

walking up

while I'm trying

to talk this sh*t.

I'll be right back.

Give me 30 seconds.

Sorry about that.

I tried to run back there

and change pants

and forgot

the lion was out there.

I ran right up

on that motherf***er.

F*** them pants.

F*** that. I can...

I was talking about we all

got to be able to laugh

at the end of the day,

and I talked about

the homosexuals and sh*t,

because it's

a big motherfucking deal,

and things ain't

like they used to be.

Used to be if we

had big questions,

there was places

we could go

and get our questions

answered.

But things

done changed now.

If you want to know

some answers,

you got to find 'em out

yourself.

I don't know if y'all

been to church recently,

but church is not

answering any questions

about anything

at this particular time.

I ain't talking

about white church.

I ain't talking

about black church.

I'm talking about church.

Church, as official,

has said you can

feel free to come in

and praise and worship

all you like,

and by all means,

pay your

motherfucking tithes,

but if you have

any questions for Jesus,

you should ask him

in the parking lot

on the way to your house.

You going to have to figure

this sh*t out yourself.

White church,

we thought they was fixing

to answer some questions

about the Catholic scandal.

They ain't answered

no motherfucking questions

at all.

Kind of f***ed up.

I was getting ready to say

something about 'em,

and then they switched

their sh*t up.

Have you seen the new Pope?

This motherf***er ain't

like the rest of the Popes.

This motherf***er

is special.

This motherf***er

is almost a nigga.

He say some sh*t

you ain't expecting

and then just

walk the f*** off.

They asked the new Pope.

They was like,

"New Pope...

...New Pope, what do you

think about homosexuals?"

New Pope said,

"Who am I to judge?"

Ah, that was

some gangster sh*t.

I'm glad to see a Pope

that don't look like

he ready to die.

Sh*t done changed.

They had a Pope that quit.

What the f***?

How do you call in for work,

and you work for Jesus?

"Yeah, Jesus, I'm not

even going to be able

to make it today.

Nah, Jesus,

it's 10:
15 traffic.

I was not expecting

this, Jesus."

Just saying,

got to be able to laugh.

I joke with the church,

but you got to believe

in something for real.

You got to find something

to believe in.

Let me just say that.

I can't tell you

what to believe.

I'll say I'm old-fashioned.

I'm a dinosaur.

I still believe

that there is a God

and that if you need Him,

you could call on Him,

and He will help you,

just like He be helping me

all the time.

That's just

my own personal opinion.

I think you should

believe in something.

These atheists have

gotten out of control.

These motherfuckers is

on some different sh*t.

Motherfucking atheists

sending me

death threats and sh*t.

Let me... listen here,

Mr. Motherf***er Atheist.

Ain't nobody goddamn scared

of you, motherf***er,

'cause you ain't

got no backup.

Who the f*** is

you going to tell?

If you kill me,

I'm going right to Jesus

and snitching on you,

motherf***er.

Jesus, You ain't going to believe

what they doing down there!

You an atheist.

Who the f*** you going to tell?

Nobody.

You don't believe that sh*t.

Motherfucking atheists

done got out of hand.

Now they want to tell us

what the f*** we believe.

I mean, "You believe in God,

so that mean you don't

believe in science."

What the f***

is you talking about?

Motherf***er,

I prayed to God

before every science test.

I don't know what the f***

you talking about.

Jesus was in my class,

you son of a...

Atheists going to tell me,

"Well, you believe in God,

so that mean you don't

believe in evolution."

What the f***

is you talking about?

I thought evolution meant

something started off

like this

and then later changed

into something else.

I think God

made the animals

and then watched

them b*tches evolve

like the rest of us.

What the f***?

Atheists f***ed up.

Atheists hear

my whole story,

hear what I believe.

Then he going

to tell me, "No.

That don't make

no f***ing sense at all."

Okay, well,

tell me your sh*t.

His sh*t is that

two motherfucking atoms

just came

the f*** together...

just came together

out of nowhere,

banged together, and made

this whole perfect Earth.

F*** outta here.

You stupid enough to believe

that f***-boy sh*t,

after this show,

go outside to the parking lot

and bang on your car

till it becomes

a better car.

You just out there, just...

"Still a Corolla.

Still a Corolla.

What the..."

F***ing atheists.

His sh*t don't make

no motherfucking sense neither.

They always want

to prove evolution

and show you an animal

that fit all the criteria.

Want to show me

motherfucking scorpion.

"Katt,

look at this scorpion.

You see

his motherfucking skin?

You see how tough

his skin is?

That's so you

can't f*** with it.

Then he got

these motherfucking pincers

so you can't f*** with it.

Then he got

this motherfucking venom

for you can't f*** with it."

Well, get the f***

over here, motherf***er,

and look

at this goddamn pig,

and tell me why is

this motherf***er

delicious from the rooter

to the tooter...

with no defenses at all.

This motherf***er

is delicious everywhere.

Look at his sides.

That's bacon.

Who would put bacon

on the side?

Jesus.

Jesus cares

about your breakfast.

He does. He always...

Atheists want you to believe

two motherfucking atoms

banged together

made this whole Earth.

That sh*t mean they should be

able to get on the Space Shuttle,

fly around,

and find a place

where them same two atoms

had banged together before

and made

some other perfect sh*t.

That's not what they see.

Every planet they see

is more f***ed up than

the last planet. Just...

F***ed up, f***ed up,

f***ed up, f***ed up

F***ed up, f***ed up,

f***ed up, f***ed up.

How you know

it's f***ed up?

Ain't nobody on it.

That's why we got

to watch everything.

You can't believe sh*t.

I'm saying... I ain't saying

you can't trust nobody.

I'm just saying

can't nobody be trusted.

These motherfuckers

have already told us

the NSA can hear

every conversation we make

and see every text

that we send.

So you explain to me

how the f***

a whole airplane

could go missing

in this b*tch

with 271 motherfuckers

on it,

and everybody trying to act

like ain't sh*t happened.

Aren't we

in the same country

where two airplanes ran into

our goddamn buildings,

and we don't know

where they are, right?

We can all see this sh*t.

The police

is on some different sh*t.

I know you noticed it here.

I want you to know

it's like that everywhere.

The police is

on some different sh*t.

Now, I know

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