Keeping Up with the Joneses Page #4

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how people open up to you.

-They tell you a lot.

-They do.

It sounds like they complain

a lot, but...

Gosh! It comes with the territory.

I'm fine with it. But, yes.

Let me ask you this.

Does anybody ever say

to you in confidence

how much they hate the company?

Ricky, let's get some more wine!

Hold a grudge? Anything like that?

Sara Patel, she has

irritable bowel syndro--

Excuse me. She has

irritable bowel syndrome.

There's a lot of co-workers,

too, that sit near the bathroom.

Sometimes, we're all irritated

by your bowels, Sara.

Everybody on the fourth floor knows.

But that's not what I'm talking about.

Is there ever a situation

where somebody seems

like they came into a lot of money,

or they, you know,

they bought a new car or new clothes?

-Looks like they won the lottery?

-Yes.

-Or hit the jackpot?

-Yeah.

-Yeah? Who's that?

-Sanjay. He bought a Grillbot.

What's that?

That's the guy I work with.

His name's Sanjay.

No, I know what Sanjay is.

What's a Grillbot?

Grillbot is like-- It's just a...

It's just a-- What it is, is a robot

that cleans your barbecue grill.

You just put it in your grill,

you shut the lid,

and it just kind of ruminates in there

and gets all the little coal pieces,

the little icky pieces up.

And it's, you know, spick and span!

It's like a Roomba for your grill.

I'm thinking more of like the--

Like, like... More expensive.

These are $99, Tim. Expensive stuff.

Right.

But you gotta make sure the grill's

off. Sanjay didn't do that.

Are we done talking

about the Grillbot?

If you're not gonna eat this,

I'm gonna eat this.

No, no, no, go ahead.

Take what you like.

The thing is,

is he voided the warranty

on the Grillbot and the grill.

Jesus, Jeff! Ricky!

Oh, God! Put it down. Ricky!

Man! I've never seen that before.

Go find the shot!

The antivenom. Go get it!

Hey, little buddy!

Oh, my God. No, no, no, no.

No, no. Hey.

He's snacking on my hand.

Look at me!

All right. Get it out!

We're all gonna

have to have a relationship.

Hold on. We're gonna get the antivenom

okay, Jeff? Hold on a second.

You got it? All right.

Hold on, hold on.

How does that feel, buddy?

How does that feel?

That's good.

Now this would be incredible on you.

Perfect, I'll take it.

You're not being fun, Karen.

I want you to forget everything you

heard about functional breast support.

Why are you so nervous?

Is it because we're two women

trying on lingerie together?

Or because I know

you were following me today?

I wasn't following. What? No! No!

I was at the mall. I was shopping.

I wonder if they have this in yellow.

-Jeff's favorite color is yellow.

-I'm not stupid, Karen.

You're right to follow me.

To be thinking that this woman

is not who she pretends to be.

Because I'm hiding something.

You are?

So are you.

We're so alike, you and I.

Two strong, sexually vibrant women.

And yet, here we are.

Forced to bury our true selves

from the Meg Craverstons of the world.

What's Meg got to do with this?

Come on, Karen.

I hear the way she talks about me

when she thinks I'm not looking.

Hating me for the way I look,

as if perfect bone structure and

flawless skin is something I can help!

I may not need to moisturize,

but I still have feelings.

I didn't know about the feelings.

That's why women like us

need to stick together.

Not follow each other in malls.

Do you Kegel?

Kegel?

You mean the exercises

for the lady parts?

Strength has to start somewhere.

Not-- I don't.

In fact, I'm doing some right now.

I could crack a walnut down there,

if I needed to.

Have you ever had any need to?

Now you go.

-I couldn't crack anything down there.

-Are we still hiding?

Come on, Karen.

Just... channel your power.

Okay. I'll do it. I'll try.

I did it! I felt it!

How was that?

Work in progress.

Now, you have a choice.

Which Karen do you wanna be?

Karen, the meek?

Or Karen, the strong?

-Sure you're okay?

-I'm okay. Yeah.

You saved my life.

And that was some good snake.

I'm embarrassed though.

Little drunk.

You had me worried there for a second.

Get yourself cleaned up.

I'll get the check.

I know what you're doing, Tim.

What am I doing, Jeff?

I read people for a living.

That's what I do.

And, you know, you get me drunk

on snake wine

and get me to open up

and tell you secrets.

You...

are trying to make a friend.

I got a lot of friends, Jeff.

Yeah, but you have a lot

of secrets locked inside of you.

I think that's why you might be one

of the loneliest guys I've ever met.

Now, what do you have

to say about that?

You wanna know something about me?

Sometimes I hate what I do

for a living.

But doesn't that feel good?

To express yourself?

-Is this us bonding now?

-No, this is us talking.

You want bonding?

I'll show you bonding.

You're gonna look at me.

I'm gonna button you up.

Okay. Okay. That's loud.

Jesus, you do this for fun?

I got you, okay?

Isn't this a blast?

Yeah!

-Hey, Karen! Karen?

-Hey, I'm here!

Hi, Karen. How are you?

I brought you some flowers.

Thank you, honey!

You're not gonna believe

the day that I had.

Guess who likes being

a man-bird as much as I do?

-Who?

-Tim Jones.

Look at that. Why are you wearing

a robe? Are you sick?

Nice. Honey,

I'm just thinking.

What am I really doing this summer?

I mean, I sent the kids away to camp,

I'm redesigning bathrooms.

Is that what makes me happy?

Is that what makes me,

Karen Gaffney, complete?

Okay, well, listen,

if you wanna feel complete,

there's some exercises

I do at work with the guys...

Honey, no. They don't work.

Now, I've lost touch

with the real Karen.

And then these amazing

new neighbors move in

and with me feeling so vulnerable,

it's only natural

that I would get suspicious

and find fault with them.

But really, I just feel like

I should be focusing on me.

And on us.

Sweet baby Jesus, what's happening?

Natalie said we needed a thing

to keep our spark alive.

You've been talking to Natalie

about us sexually?

No, obviously.

I didn't tell her anything, honey.

No, I just mean

she's unusually intuitive.

-For a Greek.

-Right.

And she just thinks

that once you're married

at a certain point,

you have to make more of an effort.

This is the Karen that I--

This is the Karen that I love.

I really do. Take me.

Take me, darling.

Okay.

Shoot, honey.

It was the conversation piece.

Don't worry about it.

What is that?

I don't know. It doesn't matter.

Come on.

It's okay. It doesn't matter.

You know what, honey?

We need to go back to our lovemaking.

-Where were we?

-Yeah, okay.

-It's so hot! It's so hot!

-Yeah. Okay, I-- Should I grope you?

-Great!

-Yeah.

Let's go back. Jeff, Jeff!

-It's so hot!

-So, you are sick?

You know what?

I'll tell you what we should do.

We should put on a soundtrack

for our passion.

You want a little passion music?

This calls for The Judds.

-We're gonna put on some music.

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