Keeping Up with the Joneses Page #7

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wouldn't turn on the air conditioner.

Slow down a little bit.

I'm getting wet! I'm getting wet!

Getting wet is better

than getting shot!

It's hot!

Three targets, two shots.

You got this?

Always.

How you doing back there, Jeff?

We need you, buddy.

Wait.

-Okay.

-Wait.

Now.

I got it! I got it! Now what?

Hold on, Jeff!

Throw it! Throw it!

Five here? So, what do you think?

I think I'm stuck.

Yeah. Well, I think one, two, three,

four, five... It's gotta be six.

Here we go, folks.

-Scrambled whites with toast.

-Thank you.

-Three-egg omelet with potatoes.

-Thank you!

Eggs, potatoes, and bacon.

And a side of bacon.

-Yum, yum, yum, yum!

-Thank you very much.

Oh, my goodness!

What? High speed car chases

make me hungry, honey.

Okay, Mr. and Mrs. Jones, if that's

who, you know, you really are.

I have a couple of questions. And...

I think this time

we kind of deserve the truth.

You're entitled to it.

Okay, question number one.

Are you in the CIA?

Honey, that's a wasted question.

They can't answer that.

Question number two then.

Who are you after?

We can't tell you.

Okay. Question number three.

Is it somebody we know?

Can't say that, either.

You just said we were

entitled to the truth.

Did say you were entitled to it.

Doesn't mean we can give it to you.

You know what, honey?

It's probably classified.

That's why they can't tell us.

-Do you want any of this?

-Yeah. I'll have some potatoes.

I'm glad everybody's just

enjoying their meal

while we're in the middle

of a... Like, a thing!

You guys are just eating

like there's nothing going on.

I'm a little troubled by it!

Honey! That is not okay.

Fine. I'll keep asking 'til I get

something that's not classified.

Is that fine with you?

Okay.

Question 17.

After a shootout like that,

who cleans up all the bullets?

Okay, can you guys

tell us anything at all?

I'm not Greek. I'm Israeli.

Ex-Mossad?

Can't tell you.

Come on. Are you guys even married?

Can you even tell us that?

Yes. That actually you can't fake.

But that's it?

Everything else was a lie?

I mean, 'cause I think when you

told me that you hated your job,

that seemed real. I mean,

from an HR perspective.

That seemed real.

You told him you hate your job?

I may have mentioned

certain misgivings, in confidence.

Interesting.

Why is this coming out now?

Because Jeff is actually

a good listener.

And I did mention that

to you before, in Marrakesh.

At that place that

we always go to. Hazim's.

That day, we spent the whole

afternoon there.

We talked about maybe getting

out of this. We talked about

I could actually become

a travel writer, for real.

We could maybe have a child.

That was hypothetical.

It wasn't a life plan.

I didn't think it--

Okay, this is what we do.

Automatically, we go to Hebrew

and then it's gonna be a whole thing.

And who puts a bug

in a glass sculpture?

I happen to like my glass sculptures

and I like to share them with people.

It's a legitimate thing.

It's actually appropriate

to give somebody a gift.

What isn't appropriate,

however, is what you happened

to wear at the yard party.

Now you want me to dress

like some kind of a sexless

-elementary school nurse...

-Come on. I'm not talking...

...just to fit in with

the other mothers, right?

-No offense, Karen.

-You look great!

You look amazing.

But you have to fit in.

I mean, it's called being undercover.

I mean, you had no problem

wearing a burqa in Kabul.

But this is the suburbs!

It's hard. Don't you get it?

Women here are vicious.

Can I say? You don't know

the women here.

There you go.

We don't know anything.

Why did you bug our house?

Actually, you know less than nothing.

But the agency received credible intel

that someone was using your

work computer to commit treason

against the United States of America.

We were using you

to get to whoever they are.

Why not tell him everything?

Who cares?

Ten years, 30 countries,

nobody finds us out,

and we couldn't even

last a week in suburbia!

Can I pay, please?

Stupid question. What do we do now?

Yeah, what do we do now?

Just stick to your routine.

And nobody finds out

about any of this, okay?

I won't tell anybody.

Yeah, keep it quiet.

There's this other thing

I needed to ask.

I know you guys are undercover and

this whole thing is a setup, but...

The other day at the Cobra Club,

was that about getting me drunk

and having me betray my co-workers

or was that about two guys, you know,

maybe starting a friendship?

It was about getting you drunk

and betraying your co-workers.

Okay. Yeah.

But the indoor skydiving...

that was about being friends.

See, I told you we bonded.

Okay. Remember,

nobody finds out about this.

-No. I won't even tell my mom.

-Locking it up. Hey, hey.

One other thing. I know I'm not

a licensed therapist, okay?

But talk, communicate

with one another, okay?

Jeff is big on communication.

I communicate. That's what I do.

-You sure do.

-Talk, talk, talk.

No, no, no, no, no.

You're absolutely right, Jeff.

Communication is a great thing.

-All right, I'll see you.

-Bye!

-Thanks!

-I should go.

-Okay. Take care.

-See you.

That's so nice of you

to tell them that, honey. Really.

I think the Joneses

are going to be just fine.

Yeah.

-After you, my dear.

-Thank you.

Timmy!

Well, it was most likely

just a gas leak. So...

Well, thank you for your statements.

-Thank you very much.

-Good night.

Okay.

Whoever killed the Joneses

are gonna come after us next.

Do you think we did the right thing

by lying to the police?

We promised the Joneses

that we wouldn't say anything.

Do you think that

promises count, honey,

when the people that we made

them to are dead?

Yes!

Plus, I don't wanna be haunted.

-They've taken the barricades down.

-Oh, my God!

All right, listen,

I'm gonna grab the essentials.

We're gonna need our passports.

We're gonna need

our birth certificates.

And we'll need some duct tape.

Get some peppercorns, too!

-Mikey...

-Coffee, teas, Goldfish.

I'm gonna get these onions here.

-Don't take the onions, put 'em back.

-No, no, no, no.

-You don't need onions.

-I need...

-Trail mix!

-I can't choose.

This is a 2,000-piece puzzle.

-This is a weapon.

-Yeah! Or we can make chicken parm.

-It would be nice to have--

-What! You always buy this.

You should buy the organic one.

I've been through this with you.

I don't wanna talk about that

right now.

Jeff, don't take the ginger snaps!

I know, but we might need...

-Calm down, Jeff.

-Okay!

I'm taking this Red Bull.

Where are we going?

I don't know. Anywhere. Just pack!

I've never been on the run before.

I mean, should I take a bikini,

in case it's gonna get hot?

No! A bathing suit? Take socks!

Socks! I need my socks.

We gotta get the kids.

We gotta get my mom!

Don't bring her into this!

We said twice a year.

Christmas and Easter!

Oh, God! Okay. Okay.

-Okay. You know what?

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