Kelly & Cal Page #3

so involved in our lives.

And I didn't think we'd be

moving here.

That's for sure.

- What about your parents?

- Well, my dad's dead.

- Sorry.

What about your mom?

- We don't speak.

- She hasn't met Jackson?

- Not yet.

She lives in upstate New York,

and she's very busy

whoring herself

around the senior circuit, so...

- Man, count me in.

- I thought I hated my parents,

but, I mean...

- Can we talk about

anything else?

- I really like your hair.

I mean, I think

it's f***ing sexy.

- You do?

You should have seen the looks

on their faces when I came out

and I was just like "ta-da"

with the pl...

I don't know.

- That's funny.

You're not your mom, though,

you know. I mean...

- What?

- I just mean

you're gonna figure it out.

It's not gonna be like that

for you and Jack, you know.

Little Jack-o.

- Thank you for helping me

with him and... and everything.

- Shut the f*** up.

Come on.

- Did you just mimic me?

- Yeah.

Hold on.

- Upsy-daisy.

- Yoo-hoo!

In here!

- Hey, I didn't expect to see

you guys again so soon.

- Well, Josh told us that he'd

be working late a lot,

and he asked us

to check up on you.

- Good.

Neat-o.

- Mom and I have been talking

about you.

- Is this an intervention?

Of course not.

You make it sound like

you're an addict or something.

- You're not.

Are you?

- No!

No.

- No, you're just

sleep-deprived,

overworked, and exhausted.

- So we thought

that we could help out

with meals and babysitting.

Hi.

- We wanted you to have a chance

to get out and clear your mind

and get recharged

and come back

ready to love the little pooper.

- I do love my little pooper.

- Of course you do.

- And I've got the number

of a really good therapist

for this sort of thing.

- Wow, you haven't even found

a sperm donor

and you've already located

a postpartum counselor for me?

- See?

That is exactly what I mean.

The moodiness,

the irrational outbursts.

- That was a joke, Julie.

That's not even an outburst.

- I think you need help.

- We'd like to come by

every afternoon.

Would that be all right?

- Do I have a choice?

- Why don't you go out and do

something nice for yourself?

- Like maybe see a therapist.

- I want to work

with the handicapped.

Wow, that...

that is a good idea.

Yeah, working with

the less fortunate.

- I was thinking of something

a little more fun,

like a night out,

girls' night out or something.

- With you guys?

- Of course not.

With your friends.

Just take some time out,

have a couple of drinks.

- Gosh, I haven't talked

to the girls in so long.

- Not that we want to encourage

drinking to excess, of course.

- Of course.

I don't even like drinking.

- My God!

Hello!

- Hey!

- My God!

- Hey, ladies.

- Look at you.

- Your hair!

- Good to see you.

- Come here. Come here.

Come here. Come here.

When you said you were moving

to the 'burbs,

you weren't kidding.

- I know.

Nice to see you too.

- Pictures?

- I want to see.

- You're gonna die.

He's so beautiful.

Women!

- My God.

- So cute!

- Doesn't he look like Josh?

- Totally.

- And this one, there's

a little bit of a smile.

- And look at its teeny...

look at its teeny little feet.

- I know!

- My God.

My God, Kelly,

you've got to see the pictures

of Nikki's new puppy.

Show her.

- Okay.

We got a Weimaraner.

They're really high-strung dogs

but, like, intelligent,

super intelligent.

Like human intelligent

but really needy.

It's exhausting but rewarding.

You know what I mean.

Look.

- Look at that.

I mean, look at

the beautiful face on that dog.

- Wow, that's...

that's a dog.

- I know, right?

It's like your whole life

changes, right?

Like, all of a sudden,

your whole world

revolves around them.

- Sweetie,

I'm so proud of you, sweetie.

- To the mommies!

- To the mommies.

- To the mommies.

So nice to see you, Kel.

- How many, um, calories

are in...

- Hola.

Nacho lady con cervezas.

Hey.

You enjoying the view?

- No, not really.

Who's the uptight b*tch?

- That would be

my sister-in-law, Julie.

- She's a little bit

overdressed.

Wow.

- Wh...

I brought you nachos

and cervezas.

- Muy bueno.

To what do I owe this unexpected

nocturnal pleasure?

- You reading poetry?

- Hey.

- Nice music.

- Yeah.

Well, I know the bassist.

She's a total fox.

So what are you... doing here

and all dressed up?

Not that I'm unhappy to see you,

but shouldn't you be at home

with your husband and kid?

- I was ordered

to go out and have a good time,

so I had a girls' night out.

- So shouldn't you be out

with your posse

at f***ing Tommy's Irish Tavern

or something?

- Yep.

Wow.

I realized we don't have

anything in common anymore.

- People are cowards.

Nobody ever just comes out

and says,

"Dude, your life

totally freaks me out."

They just vanish.

- Jesus.

Sorry.

- I mean, that's basically

the same thing that happened

to me.

Just... I got out of rehab,

and they threw

this big party for me and,

and then... and then, you know,

they all disappeared.

I haven't seen them since.

Bailey said,

it was too intense for her.

She was f***ing some other dude

four weeks to the day

after the accident.

- What a b*tch.

- Yeah.

Yeah, I mean,

this was basically her fault.

- What do you mean?

- She was always making me

jump through hoops

and do crazy sh*t for her,

like stealing these signs.

You know,

I was supposed to prove

how I felt about her

or something.

Anyways, I was performing

what turned out to be

the last of my grand gestures

when I had the accident.

I climbed to the top

of this water tower...

you know, the one on the hill

by the overpass?

- And I was gonna put

her name on it

but, I mean, not just her name...

like, this whole mural with,

like, undergrowth and plants

and leaves and flowers.

It was so cool up there, man.

And... and it was a statement

about Bailey as this life-force,

like the electrical energy

of wild growing things.

- That's beautiful.

- Yeah.

Well, that's how

she made me feel.

And, I'm 50 feet

above the ground,

spray-painting her name,

and I never finished.

I got to the word "bail,"

which is basically what she did

when she figured out

the f***ing physical therapy

wasn't gonna take.

- To absent friends.

F*** 'em.

- F*** 'em.

But I still have to go to school

with her.

- Jesus.

I can't wait till this

graduation sh*t is over!

- God,

you must have all that

senior bullshit coming up,

like with the pajama breakfast

and amusement park day and...

The prom! What a farce.

- God, prom.

There's no way

I'm attending now.

- Who's Bailey going with?

- My former best friend, Zack.

I'm sure they'll take lovely

commemorative photos,

post them on Facebook.

- I remember my prom.

I got dumped by my boyfriend

two weeks before,

and, um, he started seeing

this girl

who would wear black nail polish

after I did.

Then she'd show up in the same

Vans after I wore them.

And he basically was falling for

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