Kenny Page #3

"Australians all

let us ring Joyce...

"'cause she is young

and free. "

So, obviously, I was making

a goose of myself...

...right up until the old man

set me straight on the words.

I sing it right now.

"Australians all

let us ring Joyce. "

God.

You know, I get to see

some great stuff doing this job.

And it's never boring.

But, I mean, you know,

I hear of people all the time...

...and you read about it -

...people sitting behind

their desk at work...

...terrified that the next day

they're gonna be out of work.

Well, that's not something

I've ever gotta worry about.

You know, it's not like

my business...

...is gonna dry up

overnight, is it?

How you been? Well?

Excellent.

I haven't seen you forever.

I'll catch up with you there.

OK.

See you, mate.

See you.

That's a mate from school.

That's a guy

I went to school with.

That's Macka.

I must admit, I thought

you'd got a bit taller...

...since I'd seen you...

...but you've got

these bloody boots on.

They're different from the footy

boots you strapped on...

...when we were at school, mate.

There's not too much I regret

about doing this job.

I think I've worked

a lot of hours...

...and it's probably

aged me a bit.

You know, some of my mates

reckon I'm looking a bit worn.

Well, I lost my missus.

I lost her out of it.

That was... Well, I didn't

lose her. I know where she is.

She just left me, but, uh...

...it bit me on the arse pretty hard when

she was leaving me.

You know, it was one tax I

didn't expect to pay in this job...

...and that was losing me missus.

But when you spend more time

with other people's poo...

...than you do your own wife,

you've gotta pay the penalty.

Do you know that

70% of marriages fail? 70%.

I mean, you hear of so many stories of

that whole...

...that same scenario.

You know, you get married...

...and a week later

they break up or something...

...or, you know, it doesn't work.

Or, you know, sex doesn't

happen or something.

Or, you know,

she goes off you or something.

Or, you know, the parents

are around every day...

...or something.

Or you can't support them,

give them what they want...

...because they came from,

you know...

...a wealthier background

or something than you...

...and you're wishing

that you could, you know...

...support it more than that,

but you can't...

...because you just... You can't.

I always get a little bit nervous...

...when Pat comes in

for one of his little chats.

Sadly, Pat's chosen to learn

from my life's mistakes...

...instead of learning

from his own.

- So... You still loved her

in the end?

Or did you?...

Oh, it was a little bit hard to

love someone that hates you.

Yeah.

Don't worry too much.

If you worry too much,

you'll drive yourself mad.

By the time you cut

the wedding cake...

...you'll cut the table in half,

you'll be that nervous.

A wedding is an "I do" kind of day.

That's all your pressure is.

Remember that - "I do. "

Do you want to marry this woman till

the rest of your life?

"I do. "

Are you ready

to go to the park?

Do you want to have

photos taken next to her...

...now that you've married her?

"I do. "

Do you want to go

on the honeymoon...

...and do the horizontal

folk dance?

"Yes, love, I do. "

Just, all you've gotta

remember is "I do".

There's no pressure,

you know?

If you think of it like that,

then it's not that big a deal...

...unless a bloke comes down

in the wedding dress...

...then you'll know

your day's gone to sh*t.

But that's not gonna

happen, is it?

I don't know whether

I'm necessarily the right person...

...to be asking about all this,

to tell you the truth, Pat.

Mine failed.

I don't... You know...

I once heard a guy say...

"Cut out the middle man -

"find someone you hate

and give them a house. "

Now, if you want to

be negative about it...

...that's the way you'd look at it.

You've been there.

I haven't been there yet.

You've been through that.

I mean, I'm asking you

because you...

...you were there for 14 years.

But that's...

that was my missus.

You're gonna marry

someone different.

And that's...

If you were gonna

marry my ex-wife...

I'd have a ton of stuff

to tell you.

Is this the right person?

Is this the right time?

Is this the right?...

- Hello.

- Yeah, come in.

Yeah, it's only me.

How are you?

- Yeah, OK.

It's a fair old day outside,

isn't it?

There's the boy.

How are you, boy? You right?

You right to go?

All good. You've got some

stuff packed and a towel?

Alright.

Well, we'll get going, eh?

We'll hit the road.

What do you say, mate?

We'll be back,

well, I don't know what time.

We're just gonna head off

down the beach now.

So...

- I need him back by 4:00.

I'm sorry?

- I need him back by 4:00.

What? Well, it's midday now.

How am I gonna have him back

by four o'clock?

I've got plans.

I need him back by 4:00.

Look, you want to

jump in the car, mate?

Grab your toy there.

Jump in the car.

I'll be one sec.

I'm just gonna have

a little chat to your mother.

It would've been nice

to have known this...

...at 8:
00 this morning

when I rang.

We're going down

to Ocean Grove.

It'll take me an hour and a half

to get there.

I don't give a sh*t.

I need him back at 4:00.

We're just taking him down

to see his grandfather.

If I've got him back by 4:00...

...we'll only spend

30 minutes there.

It would've been nice

to have known this...

...this morning, though.

I'm taking the boy

down to see his grandfather...

...not that you seem to be

too plussed about that.

Alright.

Jesus Christ.

Hey, do you want to

jump in the front...

...with your old man, mate?

You don't want to

jump up the front there?

We've got the front seat.

You can sit up with me and...

Alright. Well, please yourself.

You're right

in the back there, then?

Alright.

How you been, mate?

You been good?

Hey? Well, er, we'll get you

down to your granddad's.

We're just gonna go down to

Ocean Grove, to the beach.

You like it down at the beach,

don't you, mate?

What do you say, eh?

Dad, are you going to hell?

Am I going to hell?

Well, no, I'm not going to hell.

Not as far as I know.

Why's that?

Because Mum said... Mum said you

don't believe in God.

Mum said

I don't believe in God?

And that's why

I'm going to hell?

Well, mate, er...

Look, I tell you what.

When God introduces

himself to me...

I'll give him my full attention.

I'll give him 150%, mate.

But until then,

I'm just a little bit busy.

Jesus, and I'm going to hell,

she reckons.

To be quite honest,

I think I'm already in it.

Am I going to hell!

You know, if my son

ended up doing this job...

I don't think

I'd be that upset by that.

If he was happy...

...and he had good people around him...

...like I've got good people around me...

...and he's making OK money...

...and he's proud of

what he does as a trade -

'cause, don't forget,

it is a trade...

Hello?

...I'd be stoked for him.

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