Kenny Page #8

- Oh, beer.

Oh, well, yeah, yeah.

I drink beer like it's about to

go out of fashion...

...and I'm the new trendsetter.

So I love it.

I'd bath in it,

if I had my own way.

Is it alright if I have

a bit more of that?

Yeah, absolutely.

- I know it's not beer.

But I'm getting used to it.

Now, if I start to wobble

when the plane's actually still...

Ladies and gentlemen...

...as we're about to begin

our descent...

...into Los Angeles Airport...

...would you please make sure

your tray tables are stowed...

...and that your safety belts

are fastened.

I didn't know

it was gonna be this cold.

This is freezing. Must be about

five degrees or something.

Oh, thanks. You right?

I can grab that if you want.

Oh, I'll take it.

- It's got a bit of weight in that.

Watch that. So, are you

a real cowboy, are you, mate?

I'm afraid not. To tell you

the truth, I'm from New York.

Oh... I'm Kenny, mate, anyway.

- I'm Bobby.

You're on the wrong side

of the car here.

So, where are you headed?

I'm going to the...

Well, I'm at the poo convention.

Alright.

You know where that is?

Yeah. Yeah, I do. I do.

Actually, it's been pretty busy

with these gentlemen.

There must be an awful lot

of money in crap, huh?

Yeah, well...

Yeah, well, to be quite honest,

there's a shitload of it.

You've probably been doing...

...some business for us

this morning.

I can't get over the size

of this place, Bobby.

There aren't many cowboys

in Nashville.

It's about the music industry.

There's no ranches, there's

no cattle, there's no sheep.

Yeah, right.

- You know?

Look at that city.

I got

this notice the other day.

Now, down at the Nashville

Convention Center...

...today and for

the next couple of days...

...we've got

the world international...

Pumper and Cleaner Show.

Now, they've actually

been kind enough...

...to send us four tickets...

...and we'll be taking

your calls soon...

...and I'm going to give away

these tickets to the people...

Well, mate, Bobby,

I gotta tell you...

...you're a real cowboy

to me, mate.

Oh, well, thank you, thank you.

- You're the real deal.

And there's my card too, Bob...

...if ever you need to get a hold

of me for whatever reason.

Alright, enjoy, you know,

the sh*t-flinging convention.

Thanks, mate. I will.

- Have a good time.

Look after yourself, Bob.

Alright.

See youse, mate.

- Have a good night.

Oh, Jesus.

You see the snow?

That's... quite pretty.

Good on 'em.

Yep, yep, yep, yep.

You know, the most

exciting time for me...

...when I was a kid growing up...

...was once a year,

Dad would take us...

...to the Royal Melbourne Show

in the city...

...to see all the tractors

and the animals and whatnot.

I never thought

I'd feel that way again.

Who was to know

I would end up...

...in the land of bloody flags

and anthems...

...at a toilet expo, Poo HQ?

Jesus Christ.

Oh, yes.

Look at that girl there.

Now, that would be a dream.

"Working today

for a cleaner tomorrow. "

See, they've even got pride

in their slogans.

And look, they're driving

a Kenworth.

I mean, forget the kids.

If I saw this go on the road,

I'd be impressed.

How you going?

Kenny from Australia.

Good, Larry.

- You're from Australia?

You seen the name?

It's Ameri-Can.

Eh?

So that's all

hydraulically lifted?

It's all hydraulic.

When we get ready

to move the trailer...

...we go in and push

a couple of buttons...

...and that lifts right up.

You could eat

your dinner off that.

"Scotty's Potties. "

There's also

John's Johns.

There's a company in Australia

called "Henry the Turd".

Henry the Turd?

- Henry the Turd.

Oh, my God.

Have you been downstairs?

Downstairs? Oh, still?

Well, this joint is like

an expo lasagne -

...there's layers and layers.

I'm serious.

- Oh, yeah?

So it's the same... Well,

I'm going down there now.

If you want, you can follow me,

it's right underneath us.

Do you wanna follow?...

Yeah, grab your mates.

'Cause I'm walking

down there anyway.

How are you going, mate?

Kenny from Australia.

Hey, mate.

So, what brings you guys here? What

brings you?...

We're having

the World Expo next year...

...and just looking for

the luxury toilets for that event.

Oh, OK, like with all the

good taps, all the good basins...

...and the televisions,

and all that sort of...

Televisions?

Yeah, well, obviously

all the good stuff you want in it.

Whatever you're looking for,

you'll find it here, mate.

They've got everything.

Right.

That's fantastic.

It's on wheels.

Fits in a freight elevator.

You can be taking a...

going to the bathroom...

...and the guy can be pissing

in the back.

Oh, look at this.

You can be taking a piss.

While watching the other

guy taking a sh*t.

What you doing down there?

You guys have a convention

like this in Australia?

No, mate, we got nothing.

Not like this.

If you're talking about beer...

...there's a convention

every afternoon.

I see, they've got

a spring that goes into the...

How do they get that

to go in?...

Who?

Why?

Why?

When?

Why?

That was great!

Wow!

Ladies and gentlemen,

Robin Crow.

Thank you.

That was all very impressive,

wasn't it?

Very... Very advanced,

I thought, the information.

Very futuristic.

He was talking about

the 'aloominum' pipes...

...at one point.

I spent that long

trying to figure out...

...what 'aloominum' was...

...that I missed out what the point was of

fixing the pipe...

...but some good information there, I

think.

I think I'll be able to use some

of that in dealing with people.

And I got a certificate...

...attendance recognition certificate.

It's not bad, is it?

Yes, could I be put through

to room 176, please?

Yeah, Jackie, it's Kenny.

Yeah, good.

Yes.

Yeah, on... On the card?

Yes.

Yourself?

Oh, fantastic.

How long for?

Yeah, love to!

Yeah, well, I've only just

come into my room...

...so I've just gotta

spruce meself up...

...with a bit of cut and polish.

There's a couple of hours

in that!

What's that? On a horse?

Oh, OK. Yeah.

Alright, well, I'll see you

in... At the Wildhorse.

Well, this is definitely it.

That's the Wildhorse.

I just asked the security bloke.

This all feels a bit... Bit silly.

I mean, I've got

nothing to wear.

I didn't know we were

gonna be going out.

This is a dance club

or something.

They do linedancing

or something in there.

And, you know, I...

...I can't help but think

she thinks I'm rich.

You know, she met me

in business class, you know.

She probably thinks I'm loaded.

And it was all because I'm

bloody sitting in Glenn's seat.

I'm filling in for him.

Anyway, I promised

I'd meet her.

Whoops! Here's our chance.

That's fantastic.

You know that guy

Randy Travis, the singer?

Yeah, yeah, the country singer, yeah.

He started as

a dishwasher here...

...and his first pay cheque

is in a frame on that wall.

Oh, you're kidding!

Nuh.

Isn't that fantastic?

It's amazing.

And Gorbachev, he was here.

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