Kick-ass Page #3

I'm OK

Yeah, much better

Hey, youre into comic books, arent

you?

Well... me and Erika sometimes hang out

after school at this really great store,

Atomic Comics. They make the best like Crack-a-back-a-latte.

Yeah...?

Well... I could buy you one... sometime if

you want? If you, like, need someone to talk to?

sure, thank you

Ok. Sweet. Well I'll

see you later

Man, did you just see that?!

Yeah -

Katie Deauxma just offered to buy me coffee

Yeah.. I really don't think that's the way it looks like

What are you talking about?

The point is, Katie Deauxma is all

about the lame ducks.

What's that got to do with me?

I've been trying to figure out how to tell you this

There's a rumor going around, right...

that you... what? are gay

Gay!

What kind of rumor is that?

Well you know, getting mugged...

You guys have been mugged!

Yeah, I know... but... you know..

we didn't get beat up and have all our clothes taken off.

That's not even true! The medics

threw my clothes away!

Don't worry about it. Rumors don't mean sh*t.

We know the truth

Right? -

Yes -

Yeah. And who knows, it might even

get you laid.

Not if she thinks he's gay, Todd,

you f***in' retard!

Thanks a lot, Marty.

You aint f***ing helping me-

I'm just being honest

I was getting back to my old self

I should have quit, of course.

But you can't just re-program

yourself

what you want, who you

are... your purpose in life.

oh no... I'm just stand around here

It is what it is.

You didn't see that did ya?

I think it's best that you just walk away

Well maybe you shouldn't do that.

What?

Huh?

You looking at me?

Well this is my baby.

Me?

My hardware was fixed now.

I was back and running Kick-ass

version 2.0

Excuse me, did you see this cat?

No

Okay, thank you

Excuse me, Madam, Have you seen this cat?

I'm sorry, did you see this cat?

Oh, great

Here kitty

Here Mr. Bitey

Come on, no, no

No, no, Mr. Bitey Come on

Back here. C'mon. Let's get you home

Come on

F*** you Mr. Bitey!

Oh God... I'm so sorry, man

You're f***ing Green...!

Hey freak...

Hey, leave him alone

F*** off me

It's none of your business.

Guess it is.

Hey, Call 911

There's a dude dressed like a superhero out there fighting a bunch of guys.

It's F***ing awesome!

Leave him alone

Give it up man.

Just walk away

No, never

What the f*** is wrong with you, man?

You'd rather die for some piece of sh*t?

That you don't even f***ing know?

You're just three asholes laying into one guy while everyone else watches.

And you wanna know what's wrong with me?

Yeah, I'd rather die.

You bring it on!

(Police sirens in background)

You're f***ing crazy kid

What?

Thank you!

That f***ing rocks!

Who are you?

I'm Kick Ass

Dude you gotta check this sh*t out.

what is it?

And coming up after the hour: a costumed vigilante has become the latest Internet phenomenon after a

Hamilton Park resident filmed the man's remarkable intervention in a gang-related attack last week...

This is awesome

F*** Yeah.

Welcome to this special edition

of Eye on New York

How far would you go to help your fellow man?

This colorful individual has been all over the news this week

After this video of his intervention of street gang violence

became the most watched clip on the Internet

My Space... 38 friends

Kick-Ass' My Space... 16000 and counting.

This thing was going crazy

And I was loving it

And finally, we want to know who is this man

Does anyone have any

idea who this wet suit Crusader is?

He must be someone's son... Someone's

brother... Someone's next door neighbor...

Holy sh*t. What happened?

what happened?

This guy happened.

That's a great day for America everybody

Everbody's favorite superhero right now is Kick-Ass, right?

Kick-Ass!

Yeeaah!

I like Kick-Ass

His costume is crappy

He looks like a trans...

You know what? Everyone likes Kick-Ass

He...is actually pretty good.?

Good at getting his Ass-Kicked.

He should call himself Ass-Kick, instead

That doesn't even make any sense.

That guy's gonna end up dead that's what I think.

Are you serious? The guy owns.

I'd be next if I had a problem needed fixing.

What you kidding me? I have 100 guys can fix a problem.

You gotta some guy in some panty-hose?

Well, I wouldn't wanna get in the way of your business...

where I'm not wanted.

Please, I know you are mistaking me for Kick-Ass, but I am not Kick-Ass.

You don't actually read comics?

Yeah, I just started. I got recommended some.

Like Scott Pilgrim and...?

That kind of thing.

I'm not really into the whole superheroes thing, you know.

So... guess you're not gonna be lining up for

that new Kick-Ass comic, then.

I guess not.

You know what, I was seriously thinking of mailing his site?

I mean I could really use some help from a guy like that right now.

Help? Really? What with?

You know I volunteer at the

needle exchange?

No, I didnt.

Well, there's this one guy,

Rasul. And I just felt so sorry for him and...

more I found out about his up bringing and stuff I just...

Wow, that's weird

I'm usually the one playing therapist.

Can I make a confession?

Ever since I was little

I've always wanted a

friend...

...like... you.

Is it okay to say that?

I mean its no homophobic, is it?

I mean I don't think you're all the

same, right?

Of course not. No.

Thank you

I don't know if I was everything Katie had

always dreamed her gay b. f. f. would be.

But I tried my best.

But, more importantly, I

talked her into e-mailing Kick-Ass.

Long story short,

this particular lame duck of hers

turned out to be more of a lame cobra.

She didnt want the money back that she'd given

him, or an apology for the black eye he'd given her.

She just wanted him to get that they

were through,

and leave her alone.

lets be real

no other request could've given

me more pleasure.

Who the f*** you're supposed to be?

The Greeen Condom?

You know it ain't Halloween for another few

months, kid.

I'm here to see Rasul

Who the f*** are you?

I am K... I'm a friend of Katie's

Kids nowadays...?

So Uhh... which one of you guys is Rasul?

I am Rasul. Can't you tell by my big tittys?

What is this? Trick or treat or somethin'?

f***

And now I am dead

I have a message for Rasul.

About Katie Deauxma.

Katie?

Oh you're Rasul?

Ok.

You've gotta stay

away from Katie now.

It's over.

So if you just leave her alone

everything will be fine

What?

Yo Kid...

Who the hell are you?

What is this?

I'm Kick-Ass.

Look me up.

And this is me giving you a message:

leave Katie alone!

Or what?

Or

I'll come back

and break your f***ing legs.

I'm right here now, baby

hold him

You're so f***in' dead

Ok, you c*nts

Let see what you can do now.

Eany... Meany... Miney... Mo

What the f***?

Hey, I have one of those

Come on

So you wanna play

What the f***?

Aww dude, that is one f***in' gay f***in'

taser.

Relax. We're on the same team.

Hey get Up

Now, Hit Girl, we always keep our backs where?

To the wall, Daddy I know.

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