Kick-Ass 2 Page #6

I know,

you promised your dad.

But he's not here anymore.

This is your life.

You've gotta live it.

How am I supposed

to face them tomorrow?

I'm so embarrassed.

Why?

You're smart. You're beautiful.

You're funny.

You're the strongest person I've ever met.

You can do anything.

And you're Hit Girl.

Doesn't matter if you're

wearing a mask or makeup,

it's who you really are.

So what should I do?

Cut their tongues out?

No! Definitely not.

I'm f***ing with you.

Just beat them

at their own game.

By being yourself.

BROOKE". Well, if you

really wanna be popular,

consider two little words,

"sex," "tape-ll

Lois, you don't

need these ax wounds.

If I can dress

like them, so can you.

It's a gift from some drug

dealer who went missing.

Just because

you dress like us,

doesn't mean you

can be like one of us.

It doesn't matter what costume

I wear, yours or mine,

I'm a superhero.

That's who I am.

Okay,

Captain Muffin-Muncher,

have fun playing

make-believe.

This?

This is all make-believe,

Brooke.

The reality is

you're an evil b*tch

who's just as bad as

the worst criminal scum.

You wanna get real, Mindy?

In the real world, I win.

I go to an awesome college,

I marry a hot guy

and I make adorable

babies for my nanny to take care

of while we vacay in Paris.

My life is gonna rock

and yours is gonna suck.

And no matter

how slutty you dress,

no boy is ever gonna wanna kiss

that hole you call a mouth.

So why don't you spare us all the

whining and slit your wrists now?

'Cause the only thing

that's gonna ruin my day

is looking at your face

one more second.

Told her.

Damn.

What's that?

A ghetto cell phone?

Gonna call for help

with a come-back? Hmm.

Actually, my daddy bought this

from a disgruntled DARPA employee.

You see, it was designed for crowd

control, but deemed too severe.

It emits a pulse that creates

spontaneous nausea and diarrhea.

He called it

"the sick stick. "

Either your daddy

got ripped off,

or you're back in make-believe

land, sweetheart,

because we feel fabulous.

Not for long.

Oh, my God!

You get away from me.

Please, you win.

I don't wanna win. I just want to

make the world a better place.

Dad?

You home? Dad?

Is this what

you've been up to

while I'm outworking nights

saving for your college?

You've been dressing up

and fighting people?

There is blood on

these stick things.

What are you doing

in my room?

I was looking for drugs.

I was worried about you.

Okay, good.

Now you can stop.

No. Now I'm even

more worried.

Jesus,Dave,

drugs would have been better.

This is deranged.

Whoa. Some people

do a lot worse.

Oh, the people you hang outwith?

No.

The people I hang out

with are superheroes.

There is no

such thing, Dave.

This is the real world

with real consequences.

When are you

gonna grow up?

If it means

turning into you, never.

I don't wear the mask because

I'm ashamed of who I am.

Not like you.

What's that supposed to mean?

If you're not at work,

you're here doing crunches.

Why? So you can

look like someone else?

Maybe get a few more years

of doing nothing?

Your life has

no meaning, Dad.

When you're gone,

who's gonna notice?

Where the hell

are you going?

Oh, uh, I'm leaving. That's

what you do when you grow up.

Did he say why

he wanted to see me?

When your Uncle Ralph

calls, I don't ask questions.

Just the kid.

Chris, just be cool

and you'll be fine.

RALPH'. Hey, how you doing?

Good, Uncle Ralph.

Listen, Chrissy, things have been

tough all around since your dad,

you know.

Well, I been trying to get the

family back on track from in here.

They record

these things.

I know, it's fine.

The warden's a pal.

Now listen to me.

It's okay to

have a bit of fun,

but you can't go hiring

a gang of heavy hitters.

Javier should

have told you.

No, it doesn't matter.

Uncle Ralph, lam gonna make

Kick-Ass pay for what he did to us.

Chrissy, you need

to forget that punk.

It's more important

that you stay out of this.

You're not like me,

or your dad, you're, uh...

Special.

You can't tell me

what to do anymore.

I know who I am now.

Oh, yeah?

And who's that?

The Motherf***er.

You think you're

the big bad guy, huh?

Let me show you what

real evil looks like.

Hello?

Javier, what's going on?

Chris, what's up?

What are you doing

on Lou's phone, huh?

Drop yours in

the toilet again?

Everything okay?

Thank you for that.

I needed it.

For what comes next.

Don't be stupid, Chris.

Just get out of town for a while.

Go to college or something.

Why? You just taught me

everything I needed to know.

COLONEL'. Voila!

Presto and elegant, damn. Them

boys designed a very tasty logo.

What's the matter, girl?

You hear something?

Come on, let's go see.

Come on!

Anybody out here?

I don't see anything.

Gonna have to stay in there until

you calm down, you lunatic.

I wonder what's

bothering you.

I know. Tonight you die.

Ladies first.

You will not shoot me.

You are superhero. You help people.

You do not hurt them.

That's supervillain

territory.

Or as I like to

call my little gang,

the Toxic Mega-C*nts.

Hi.

Yeah, like your head.

Yay!

Ooh, it's gotta hurt!

I did my homework

on you, Colonel.

You used to be

Sal Bertolini, didn't you?

Did a few jobs for my dad back in the

day, before you got "born again. "

I used to hang with

a lot of losers.

Is this how you thought you'd die, Sal?

Dressed like an idiot?

Who are you supposed to be?

I'm The Motherf***er!

And I'm here to end Kick-Ass.

Not just kill him.

I am gonna sh*t on

everything that he loves.

Let's trash

this place, guys.

"Miranda Swedlow"?

Who's that, Sal? She one of

the whores on your team?

Night B*tch all

snuggled up to Kick-Ass.

Looks like our boy's

got a new hot pocket.

Want me to kill his dog?

The dog? Jesus Christ,

I'm not that evil.

Cut the old man's head off.

You guys hungry?

I'm starving. Come on.

Pizza, can we get pizza?

We're getting pizza.

Don't worry,

I kill you first.

Justice For...

...ever.

A Brooklyn resident was found

decapitated last night.

According to Twitter,

a man claiming to be

the world's

first supervillain...

I told you, no TV.

You're grounded, remember?

Marcus, I know

I made you a promise,

but I can't keep

being someone I'm not.

When I see evil,

I have to stop it.

Mindy, what you did to those girls

at school was unacceptable.

You could have really hurt them.

You're right, I could have,

but instead I sent them home

with tummy-aches.

Boo-f***ing-hoo.

I don't get it. This obsession that

you have with revenge is not healthy.

If you don't let me

and the police do our jobs,

there is gonna be nothing

that I can do for you.

You're never gonna

have a normal life

and you'll probably

end up like your father.

Marcus, they cut

a guy's head off.

Who else is going

to stop them?

Kick-Ass? You?

You go to your room

and do your homework.

Now!

Hey, guys, we're signing a

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