Kick-Ass 2 Page #7

sympathy card for the Colonel's sister.

You wanna go 5 bucks each so we

can send flowers from the team?

Did you guys see The

Motherf***er's Twitter page?

Who is this guy? And what's

his problem with us?

I don't know, but he has got

some elephant-sized balls.

He's been bragging on the web about

what they did to the Colonel.

Can that be traced?

I tried.

His IP address is masked.

All right, here's what we're gonna do.

We're gonna organize a fight.

There are a lot of guys online who

said they're in if we need them.

Are you kidding me?

This isn't West Side Story.

We didn't join up

to be in a gang.

We did this so

we could help people.

Shannon's right. We need

to leave this to the cops.

We better start

walking in pairs.

Motherf***er's tweeted that the

Colonel was just the beginning.

Anybody seen Night B*tch?

Are you sure

she's on that team?

Stupid gash posted on her superhero

page that she's dating Kick-Ass.

So,yeah,

I'm damn sure.

Hello, Night B*tch!

Hey.

Oh, she wants to take

the party upstairs.

We're gonna have a party.

She closed the door.

Don't worry, darling,

I'm not gonna kill you.

I want you to give a message

to your boyfriend.

Come on, wriggly.

Let go!

You're done banging superheroes, baby.

It's time to see what

evil dick feels like.

Sh*t.

What's wrong?

What are you doing?

Come on!

God, okay, I'm just...

I'm not in the mood.

I guess evil dick

feels limp.

Hurt her. Bad!

Cops are coming.

Leave it to Mother Russia. She

makes 10 times what we do.

Fifty thousand a week.

Plus expenses.

Hey, watch out!

Wow!

Reverse it! Reverse it!

Don't move! Freeze!

Fifty thousand.

She's worth it.

Whoa, whoa!

Why are they backing up?

Why is there a lawnmower

on the trunk?

Wow!

We need back-up,

eight men down.

I think you mean 10.

Let's bounce! Put the word out

I'm building an evil army.

All psychopaths

and ex-cons welcome.

I don't think you're gonna have a

problem when people hear about this.

They just disappeared?

All they have to do is

take off their masks,

no one's gonna recognize them once

they're back in their street clothes.

Your attention, please!

Feds traced the IP addresses for

all those other costumed freaks.

We got every law

enforcement agency

in the state working

to hit them at once!

Why is Kick-Ass

on this list?

His crew does

community service.

I don't give a sh*t. Anyone wearing

a mask is getting detained.

We're putting an end

to this tonight!

A lot of people said the cops

were too heavy-handed that night.

But you gotta put it

into context.

The police didn't mind

our real life superhero stuff

as long as we were

picking up litter

or helping old ladies

cross the street.

But suddenly it was serious.

Suddenly we represented everything

that was wrong with society.

Freeze!

Dad had warned me that the real

world had real consequences.

As they pulled up, he must have been

feeling pretty damn vindicated.

Oh, sh*t, Dave.

What have you done?

Police, open up.

Hey.

Hi.

Uh, uh, it's me, Kick-Ass.

Wow.

You're actually pretty cute

under that mask.

I'm so sorry

about what happened.

Don't be.

It's my own fault.

We're gonna find these

a**holes and make this right.

What's the point?

I mean,

we're really superheroes

about as much as

we're really dating.

We don't even know

each other's names.

I think it's time to get

back to the real world.

I thought we were trying

to make it a better place.

Then why is it worse?

Maybe Night B*tch

was right,

which means Dad was, too.

I mean, things had

gotten out of hand.

Maybe it was time for me to

stop crashing at Marty's

and start apologizing.

Dad?

Whoa, whoa.

That's my dad.

Your dad's Kick-Ass?

What?

Yeah, he just

gave himself up.

You don't understand. He's

doing this to protect me.

Dad!

Dad!

Mindy?

Dave?

I need your help.

My dad's been arrested.

They think he's Kick-Ass.

Can you talk to Marcus?

I'm grounded.

So?

So that means

I can't get involved.

Look. Wait a second.

I wish I could help.

Mindy!

Are you on the phone?

Look, I gotta go, okay?

I'm sorry, Dave.

Mindy, wait, wait.

Hey, what the hell

were you thinking?

Yeah, I could ask you

the same thing.

I can't believe

you lied to them.

I wasn't gonna do nothing

while you went to jail.

I chose this. You should let

me deal with the consequences.

I thought you

wanted me to grow up.

Yeah? When you get a kid of your

own one day, you'll understand.

I'm gonna tell them

the truth.

No. Hey...

It'll just make things worse.

Look,I spoke to my attorney.

He said they gotta

let me out by tomorrow.

No actual crime

was committed.

There are people out there

who wanna kill Kick-Ass.

Well, the cops are out

there looking for them,

so the safest place for Kick-Ass

is right here, locked away.

I don't know how you got

into all this sh*t, but

you gotta promise me you will never

dress up in that outfit again.

Do you hear me?

I promise.

This evil lair owns!

Do people still

say that, "own"?

Yeah, of course.

Your shark.

Something's wrong.

Think you used

the wrong kind of water.

What the hell, Eyal?

It's fine, Chris. They're supposed

to lie at the bottom of the tank.

It's just their way of,

how you say,

settling into

their environment.

Don't screw me

on this, okay?

You said we'd be

ready in two days,

we don't even have

a men's room yet.

Don't worry.

What's with

the bags of sh*t?

It's fertilizer

for the bombs.

You're not a supervillain if you don't

have a plan to destroy the city.

It will not work.

You need a chemical kind.

Do I have to do everything myself?

Just fix it!

You must relax. Everything

is going as planned.

Mmm, no. No.

Except it's not, okay?

That sad sack

is not Kick-Ass.

I've seen Kick-Ass,

he's like my age.

Guy's old enough

to be his father.

No sh*t, right.

I'm sorry,

who are you?

I, uh, volunteered for your

evil army, like the others.

Right. I appreciate that.

Thanks for joining the cause.

This is the VIP area

for the core group.

I just thought it was

funny you said that.

Because he is

Kick-Ass' father.

Who?

Mr. Lizewski.

He's Kick-Ass' dad.

Shut up!

Yeah. You're not

gonna tell anyone, are you?

No.

But you, my friend,

have just earned

life-time access

to my VIP area.

Go take a little seat.

Hey, get the kid

a Frappuccino,

then put his little

punk ass back to work.

Okay.

Come on.

Can I help you?

The Motherf***er wants us

to take a picture with you.

It helps that my dad

is a really good lawyer.

Because I

don't think my beautiful ass

would last too long in prison.

Whoa, that's weird. Chris D'Amico

just texted me a picture.

Red Mist? Whatever

happened to that guy?

What is it?

Dude, what's wrong?

What is it?

The next few days

passed in a fog.

It didn't matter that I told

the police about Chris,

they couldn't find him.

The cops did show up

at Dad's funeral,

not out of respect,

but because they were scared

something would happen.

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