Kickin It Old Skool Page #3

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Ain't nobody tight-rollin'

their jeans no more.

Excuse me, ma'am.

Who the hell are you?

I know a way Darnell could get

enough money to make his inventions...

- and keep your kids in diapers

for the rest of their lives.

- No.

Damn, baby!

- I can't dance like that no more.

I'm a grown-ass man!

- For a hundred grand?

You better bust a move,

drop it like it's hot.

Now, I don't want to see your black ass again

until you got a whole lot of money...

or a whole lot of diapers.

Oh, hell no.

You don't close my door like that.

- What you say, nigga?

- Uh, nothin'. I'm your nigga.

Now get to steppin'.

- I'm goin', baby.

- B*tch-slapped.

- You too.

- I'm gonna step. I-I will step. Thank you.

I ain't playin' with you.

Man, I hope you know

what the hell you're doin'.

Oh, I know what we're doing. We're getting

the Funky Fresh Boyz back together.

- Is this the right place?

- Yeah. His mom said he comin' by here any second.

What is that?

Is that Hector?

Or some dude that ate Hector.

- Man.

- That nigga about a six piece with extra biscuits.

Damn, that nigga big.

You gotta move this car

before I have it towed.

Mr. Jackson?

Darnell Jackson?

Hector!

And you know who this

comatose b*tch is, right?

No way! Justin!

- Hey, buddy.

- I can't believe it! Oh, my God!

You're alive!

Okay, okay, okay.

Hector, Hector.

- Oh, man.

- Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait a minute. Wait.

- How long have you been a meter b*tch?

- Traffic warden.

Few years.

Rough times out here

in the streets of the Valley.

I've been shot at.

I've been peed on.

- What?

- But I helped a lot of people.

Man, you the meter b*tch.

Who you help?

Uh- Hmm.

Oh! I once let David Hasselhoff

out of a ticket.

You know, he sometimes drives around L.A.

in a full replica of KITT.

Wow.

Yeah, right?

We're gettin' the Funky Fresh Boyz

back together...

and we need

Hector "Popcorn" Jimenez.

- I don't know, guys.

- It's okay. We understand. You're too busy.

We know you gotta get up in the morning

and eat a Krispy Kreme burrito.

Just 'cause I'm fat

doesn't mean I can't break.

Check this out.

You know break-dancing burns

a lot of calories, right?

Now, if Aki's a quadriplegic,

we're gettin' somewhere.

Sorry, guys.

I have a real job now.

There is no frickin' way

I'm joining a break-dance squad.

Wait. Why? Why are you

talkin' like that?

Like what? All negative? I-

No. Like, um- You- Um-

You know. You know.

You used to-

Come on, b*tch.

Say "booty twaps"!

It's booby traps.

- No, but say "booty twaps" 'cause it's awesome.

- No.

Please.

Aki, I was in a coma.

Okay.

Booty twaps.

I love it when you do that!

I love it when you say that!

You look so stupid!

It's funny! Asian guy funny!

The yellow guy!

I knew it.

I knew it.

I was never your friend.

I was your damn mascot.

Your little Ewok, Mogwai,

Golden Child, Mr. Miyagi.

Wax on, wax off, huh?

Yeah.

No.

You know, I was at that school for a year

before you guys talked to me.

Then came a little movie called

Sixteen frickin' Candles.

The second I saw it,

I knew what was coming the next day.

"Ooh, sexy girlfriend.

What's happenin', hot stuff?"

"Get in that foxhole, gook!"

Mao! Mao! Mao!

No!

You frickin' round eyes

ate it up for 10 years.

Round eye? I'm Mexican, ese.

These are bean shape.

Ten years of taking advantage

of my accent because...

"Indy, I 'ruv' you" and "robster craws"

is so damn funny.

Not anymore.

Thanks to thousands

in speech therapy, I talk like this.

I act like this.

I... blend in.

Do you have any extra 2111s?

Hi, Yun.

I'm Jewish.

Damn, Aki.

You blendin' in real good.

She didn't even know

your ass was here.

Uh, excuse me. Uh, Lucy Liu.

Don't!

Relax. I got you, dog.

Uh, excuse me, geisha.

Do you have any idea who it was

you just corresponded with here?

No.

Uh, what percentage in chance does my friend,

Aki, have of sleeping with you?

Zero percent.

One more question, please.

What if he's a professional break-dancer?

Two percent.

Mathematically that's

an infinity percent increase.

Yes! That's my Aki!

- Homeboys forever?

- Uh-huh.

- Homeboys forever.

- Homeboys forever.

- Homeboys forever.

- Yeah!

Funky Fresh Boyz!

If that's what you guys

are gonna call yourselves...

it goes back down to one percent.

- One percent is still good.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Better than zero.

F*** you, Mr. Ferguson!

I'm kidding.

I still need this job.

Oh!

- Geez.

- What the heck, lady?

- I'm sorry. I didn't-

- Crazy-Wha-

- Jen.

- Justin.

What are you doin' here?

What's all this?

Oh. We're getting the Boyz

back together for your contest.

Cool.

You ever think about updating a bit?

These clothes are pretty old-school.

I only ever went to one school.

And those moves are wack.

What you talkin' about, Jen?

If I went beat boy right here, I'd have a crowd

around me in two funky seconds.

'Cause everyone would want to see

a real-life time machine.

- Is that a challenge?

- No, it's really not a challenge.

Yo, deejay!

I'm deejay?

Give me a beat!

I have beet.

No. Please don't.

Oh. Oh.

God!

What's wrong with that?

Persian classic, man!

Yes. Okay.

Hey!

That's my house!

Hey, that shiny man stole my house!

What the-

Hey, shiny man.

- You break-dance?

- Yeah.

Back in the day,

I was the break-dance bomb.

They used to call me

Ca-Ca-Ca-Ca-Ca-Carl.

Deejay!

I'm not deejay.

Oh, I feel-

Yo, Hammer pants.

What brought that on?

There just comes a time when we heed a certain

call when the world must come together as one.

Wow.

I missed you.

I should get going.

Yeah. Me too.

Okay?

- Thanks for the advice.

- You know. Anytime.

- I'll call you.

- Yeah.

Okay, guys. We're gonna need to update

our style since the last time we performed.

We need to start by updating

these freakin' parachute pants!

- Ain't nobody wearin' parachute pants no more.

- Parachute pants are timeless.

Fine.

Let's just go through

the old AppleJack 2012 routine.

- Uh, no.

- Yeah.

Come on, man.

Ready?

Five, six, seven, eight.

Oh, man!

What the hell are you doin'?

Which way you gonna go?

You're f-in' me up.

I'm supposed to go left.

Half of you did go left.

But the other half went right.

- How many halves you got?

- Guys, come on. Let-

Let's just start with something

a little simpler, okay?

Let's just start with the robot.

Okay? All right.

Remember, guys.

You're like a mannequin. Okay?

Whoa, whoa. Wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait.

Aki, what the hell are you doin'?

Come on, man.

The robot's supposed to be your thing.

You look like C-3PO with R2-D2

stuck up his ass.

Shut up! They don't do this anymore.

Guys, this is serious. We need to win this contest.

- And we can't let anything stand in our way.

- Hey. Who wants cookies?

Mom! You're ruining everything.

Justin Allen, what could I possibly

be ruining?

- Oh, oh.

- How many you need?

You have a girl on the phone for you.

Shut up!

Shut up!

- Hello.

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