Kindergarten Cop 2 Page #4

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very quickly in kindergarten.

They're little monsters.

Yeah.

Mr. Reed gave us chocolate.

Fake chocolate

with zero percent cacao.

He's crazy.

She's funny.

I would never do that.

Hey, focus on your breathing.

Okay. It was

nice to meet you.

Hey, listen...

How well did you know Kevin?

Oh, man, that's so sad.

We were pretty close. I mean, we

taught kindergarten together.

It's pretty tough.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's...

This school isn't

what I expected.

Oh, tell me about it.

Miss Sinclaire?

Completely bonkers.

And the rest of the teachers

are not much better,

unfortunately.

Oh, my God, and don't get me

started on these little brats.

Sometimes I just want to...

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Sorry.

Being serene all the time

is surprisingly stressful.

So, um...

So, Kevin.

Did he leave anything behind

that could be useful?

I mean, to help me

get to know the kids.

Oh, you mean like a secret diary

or like a burn book, right?

Yeah? No, no.

Mmm.

Ah!

Those don't exist.

Okay.

So, I'm just gonna

have to rely on you then.

I guess you will.

I gotta get back to class.

Oh!

How was your first day?

Great.

Better than great.

Uh-huh.

I told you, Reed,

those kids wore you out.

- So, did you find the drive?

- Not yet.

How about you?

Any clues in his computer?

Nope. What's up

with that finger paint?

Those kids are insane.

So you're ready

to wear the wire?

No.

I underestimated my enemy...

But that's not

going to happen again.

They can smell fear.

They're six.

It doesn't matter.

This is a military campaign.

You think I survived a bullet

from Tony Scarpetti

to let a bunch of toddlers

get the best of me?

It's okay to admit

you need help, buddy.

I'm your partner, remember?

Appreciated, but

totally unnecessary.

I'm just gonna step up my game

and command their respect.

Damn it, Reed, why do you

always have to do that?

Why can't I be

a part of the team?

I'm the only one here

in the trenches with kids.

I would think you'd want the

benefit of that experience.

Y nu know,

our 'gob needs detachment.

Relationships are liabilities

your enemies can exploit.

That's your choice. Not mine.

Well, no offense,

but you're not exactly on

the shortlist for director.

You know, just because

you say no offense,

don't mean you say

something offensive.

Okay, okay. I'm sorry.

You're on your own.

Sorry, but I know what I'm

doing and I don't need...

I don't want to hear it.

Your help.

Hi.

Good morning, Agent Reed.

I really like your car.

Don't you guys have

something better to do?

No.

See, we need that list,

and the girl cannot be allowed

to testify against Mr. Zogu.

No one can testify against Zogu.

So, tell us where the girl is,

right here, right now.

Or I'm going to shoot you,

right here, right now.

Really?

Catch you later.

All right, children.

Listen up!

We are going to proceed

in an orderly fashion today.

No more goofing off.

No more peeing on my shoes, no

more dumping paint on your head.

We are getting serious.

Do you understand?

What is wrong with you?

I was just trying

to connect with them.

With an air raid siren?

Well, in hindsight,

it seems like a bad idea.

Look, we expect

the faculty to provide

an emotionally safe environment

based on mutual respect

and trust.

Yeah, I understand.

You're on thin ice, bucko.

I've employed the three-strike

rule here at Hunts Bay.

That's strike one.

Two more, and I don't care if you

have a letter of recommendation

from His Holiness,

the Dalai Lama.

I will fire you.

Understood. Understood.

Okay.

I'm angry at the action,

not the man.

Thank you.

Sorry.

So, you know, I was thinking.

Maybe I could use that earpiece.

I mean, we are partners.

And there's no sense in

keeping you out of the loop.

No, I'm cool. I've got a

lot of work to do here.

Look, I'm sorry for what I said.

I was out of line.

So you're asking for my help?

Yes.

So ask me.

Nicely.

Will you help me?

Come on, Reed, you can do

better than that, man.

Come on now,

put some butter on it.

Make me feel like you

love me man, come on.

Can't hear you.

Will you help me?

Please?

Sure, no problem.

See? Was that so hard?

Well, I'm ready.

Hacked into the

school's surveillance cameras, check.

Agent Reed's

pin-hole camera, check.

Up and operational.

I'm so freaking good.

I spilled the glue.

Oh, that's Tripp

McNally, six years old.

Parents are divorced.

Dad is addicted to porn.

Mine. Hey, hold on,

we don't grab.

I think you need atime-out.

What's atime-out?

Time-outs are so '90s, man.

We don't have time-outs?

We encourage our kids

to share their feelings.

And there are no wrong feelings.

It's how we deal

with them that matters.

Hannah, how do you feel

when Sophie grabs from you?

I feel angry.

Four and four is eight.

Jett Patterson, six, mom is a corporate

lawyer, dad is a federal judge.

Well, good for you, Jett.

You're really smart.

No.

We don't say "smart."

We don't say "smart"?

Studies have shown that praising

our kids' inherent abilities

hinders their development.

They become afraid

to take risks.

We praise their effort, like, "I can

see how hard you worked on that."

Wow, Jett, I can see how

hard you worked on that.

Okay, look at her face.

She needs to process the emotion

with her visual cortex.

Sophie, look at her face,

how does she feel?

I like it,

but you spelled cat wrong.

Inventive

spelling is encouraged.

The most important thing is for

the kids to sound out the words.

We don't worry about correcting

their spelling until second grade.

This is retarded.

Oh, you don't say retarded.

All right, everybody,

let's sit down Indian-style.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Hey, hey,

we don't say Indian-style.

What's wrong

with "Indian-style"?

"Indian-style" is dead.

It's "criss-cross applesauce."

All right, everybody, uh, let's

sit down criss-cross applesauce.

Hey.

What happened. guys?

We lost in capture the flag.

Well, it's okay,

you'll get 'em next time.

No, we always lose,

we're terrible.

The K-Y kids are bigger.

Well, bigger isn't everything.

Say...

You guys ever hear the story

of the Trojan horse?

What's a toe jam horse?

Trojan.

It was a really,

really famous trick

used by the Greeks

to defeat the Trojans.

You guys want me to show you?

Come on, let's go.

The City of Troy

was heavily fortified.

The Greeks had no way

of getting inside.

Uh, please be careful

with my soldiers.

They're collectors' items.

The Greeks were led by

their best warrior, Odysseus,

but they were still

vastly outnumbered.

So what could they do?

I would like use a laser beam and

blast the wall to smithereens.

That's a good idea,

Tripp, but see,

the Greeks didn't have

any laser beams.

Or guns.

What they did have

was superior guile and deceit.

Has anyone ever played a trick on

their brother or sister before?

- Me.

- Yes.

Yeah, sure I have. Yeah.

So, what they did, they

built a big wooden horse...

Oh, uh...

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