Kiss Kiss Bang Bang Page #3

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And it goes- Well, this is funny.

- "I prefer Genaros, but-"

- "But I'm a bear, what do I know?

I suck heads off fish. " That was you?

- Oh, my God.

- Yeah, it was. Yeah.

- That's awesome.

- Commercial.

Come on, that's a big deal.

- That's a national commercial.

- Harry, stop.

It's nothing. There was actually this

kind of cool moment where I got...

...to sort of do the wave.

"I prefer Genaros. "

- Whatever, it's nothing.

- It's pretty cool.

- It's nothing special at all.

- Well, I think it's special.

Punk-rock Steven Seagal

thinks it's special.

Right there, at your 11 o'clock.

That's dead-on, right?

That's all right.

I had him pegged when I came in.

Come back to the hotel for a little while,

just have one drink. Bring your friend.

It'd just be a drink. You'll be home faster

than you can say "Jack Robinson. "

I don't know about that. I can say...

- ... "Jack Robinson" pretty fast.

- I'm timing you.

Jack Robinson.

- Do you have any idea what time it is?

- I'm really sorry.

God, you still look great.

You're just stunning. I like-

- Why are you here?

- Good question.

Sounds crazy, but I don't remember

what occurred...

...between the hours of 2 and 5,

a blur.

- Really? Where's Marleah?

- Marleah?

- The girl you....

- Marleah fell asleep at my place...

...and I didn't see you leave-

I left when you had your tongue

down her throat.

- I did?

- Yeah.

God. No, wrong throat, wrong woman.

That's bad.

Yeah, that's bad.

You got 10 seconds, Harry.

Oh, boy, pressure, pressure.

I came here...

...because I think

you're intelligent and attractive-

That's plenty. Stop. Oh, my God!

I can't believe you'd come here...

...to tell me you like me

after you f***ed my friend!

That's just it, I didn't.

I believe that I did not.

What? You said you don't remember!

If I don't remember because I was drunk,

how could I have gotten it up?

I know this is outrageous

and not normal.

I'm not pretending that I'm normal.

I just chickened out-

Moron. Why? Why? Why?

And the plots, they all have this thing,

this formula that was so cool.

Seriously, I would go through one

in a day.

- A whole book in one day. Wow.

- See, Gossamer would always take on...

...two cases

that were seemingly unrelated.

One's normal

and the other's some wild sh*t...

...then you'd find out

that they're connected.

That it's all one case.

That's the essence of the-

Yeah, I get that all the time. Would

you mind not rooting around in there?

It's tiny. Is this real?

Yeah, it's a derringer. It's loaded.

- I call it my f*ggot gun.

- Because?

It's only good for a couple shots, then

you gotta drop it for something better.

You asked, chief.

On with our lesson.

- My client is one Allison Ames. A-M-E-S.

- Ames.

Female. She hired me

to do some video surveillance.

- Is she a looker?

- Oh, man.

She opens the door,

she got nothing on but the radio.

Invites me to sit down,

sits on my lap...

- ...fires up a smoke.

- Really?

No. Idiot.

She hired me over the phone.

- Paid for it with a credit card.

- Okay.

Rule number one:

This business, real life, it's boring.

- Do you have to smoke?

- You want me to put it out?

Yeah, soon as you find a large, brown

clump of shrubs, just throw it in there.

So you knew Harmony in high school.

You said she dissed you.

No, not really.

She f***ed every other guy but me.

No, that's not true.

She made one concession.

She agreed not to f*** my best friend,

Chook Chutney.

He was my best friend,

so she gave me that.

- Well, that was nice of her.

- Even if he asked, she said she wouldn't.

Stay put. Be quiet.

"Chook Chutney"? Yeah, he's gay.

- What's wrong with his car?

- Do I look like a mechanic?

- Are we gonna follow him?

- Where'd he go?

He was right in front of us,

then he cut in- Where is he?

What the hell. He's gotta be somewhere.

He turned right in front of us.

- Jesus!

- Sh*t!

Harry, come back.

Harry.

- There's no one in the car. Harry.

- What?

Harry, stop.

- I think it's going down.

- Wait, the sound.

- Check the back seat.

- No, get the keys!

The keys! Get the keys!

Perry.

Perry?

Sh*t.

Perry!

Where'd she come from?

She was in the trunk.

I had to shoot the lock to get it open.

Oh, Jesus.

God, what did they do to her face?

- Is she dead?

- No. She's resting her eyes for a minute.

Of course she's f***ing dead.

Her neck's broken.

- Hey, what the hell's going on?

- Shut up.

- Hey, we got a dead girl here!

- Hey, shut up.

Two guys in masks,

and there they go.

What the f*** is going on?

This is bad.

We gotta roll before the cops come.

- Nix. We go right to the cops.

- Exactly, to the cops...

...who'll believe that she broke her neck

before you shot her in the head.

What?

- Come on, we gotta go.

- Oh, God.

- We gotta go. Go, go, go.

- Oh, God.

Oh, God.

- All right, we're out of here.

- We gotta go, go, go.

Where's my gun?

- No, I-

- Give me my gun.

- I got rid of it.

- Say again.

Threw it in the lake.

You wouldn't, I would.

I got priors in New York,

so I can't be messing around-

- You threw it away?

- It's evidence.

- Watch it. Relax.

- Okay, okay. No, I'm sorry.

- I got a little nonplussed there.

- This is crazy. I understand.

- What is that? Is that a clue?

- What do you mean?

- Do you see that?

- In the thing?

What were you thinking?

My $2000 ceramic Vektor

my mother got me as a special gift...

...you threw next to the car.

What happens when they drag the lake?

You think they'll find my pistol?

Jesus. Look up "idiot" in the dictionary.

You know what you'll find?

- A picture of me?

- No...

...the definition of the word "idiot,"

which you f***ing are.

B*tch client.

Hires me, has me witness a murder.

- Can I use a dry towel? This towel's wet.

- No.

- This towel is wet.

- The towel is for the seat.

This was for your shoes.

You handed it to me for my face?

- This is wet. Can I use a dry-?

- It's dirty. No.

- Can I-?

- No. Stop dripping.

Sh*t better be improving your acting.

- Get out.

- Sorry about the gun.

Whatever. Out.

Go. Sleep badly.

Any questions, hesitate to call.

- Bad.

- Excuse me?

Sleep bad.

Otherwise, it seems like

the mechanism that allows sleep-

What, fuckhead? "Badly" is an adverb.

Who taught you grammar? Out. Vanish.

- I'll give you a buzz.

- Die.

That's all right, don't apologize.

- Blow me. You forgot this.

- Oh, thanks.

- Hello?

- I'm trying to locate Harry Lockhart.

- Speaking.

- I'm detective Sgt. Kale.

Mind answering a question or two?

Of course, no problem.

Fire away, officer.

Are you familiar with a woman

by the name of Harmony Faith Lane?

Yeah, what's this-?

Are you aware of giving your number

to Miss Lane recently?

- On a slip of paper, perhaps?

- No.

- Are you sure?

- Well, maybe she had my number. Why?

We're required by law to treat every

suicide as a potential homicide.

Harmony Lane shot herself, sir.

- Suicide?

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