Kiss Kiss Bang Bang Page #5

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She thinks her sister was murdered.

- Come again?

- Never mind.

See, these dudes tonight,

they see two a**holes out of nowhere.

- What do they think?

- They think we know something.

They panic. They got a body,

they've gotta dispose of the evidence.

In my shower?

Come on, you said real life.

- They were setting you up, dummy.

- They're not setting me up. Shut up.

You change your tune

every five minutes.

- Kiss me.

- What? No, no, no.

Check out Doris and Lucinda

over here.

These lessons suck.

I quit. This is not being a detective.

Corpses floating in lakes...

...people kissing people. This is wrong.

This is every shade of wrong.

Somebody wanna fill me in?

She thinks I'm a detective,

so go along with it.

- What?

- Don't f*** me up.

Hey.

Do you know the cops

are looking for you, Harry?

- They are?

- Yeah.

I sent them to the wrong room.

I didn't know what else to do.

You did fine.

Perry and I, we're just-

- Hiya, Perry.

- We're just running, you know, a game.

Perry, what do you call it?

The old Bring Them In and Push

Them Out. That's what we're doing.

What's going on?

Why are you and Perry nacking

on each other?

I sent her home believing, A, we'd meet

tomorrow to go over her case...

...and, B, I wasn't actually gay.

Do not ask me how I did B.

Why didn't we just leave it there?

Think, dummy.

A 911 call from your hotel room...

...all of a sudden,

there's a corpse outside? Bad idea.

Speaking of bad ideas, what's this

about you taking on your own case?

Of all the dipshit things to do.

Killed herself, by the way.

Killed herself.

I solved your case for you.

- Harmony's convinced-

- I don't care about- Listen to me.

- Little sis punched her own ticket.

- Okay. Gotcha.

All right, this looks good up ahead.

Time to lose the luggage.

Sorry, sweetheart.

You deserved better.

Before I left,

I got her into foster care.

I've never told you just how awful he

treated her. My dad, I'm talking about.

I'll tell you what,

I take notes, in general...

...so if you're just real specific,

thorough and precise, that'll help.

I remember only lying to her one time.

I said to her:

"Maybe the man who is living here

is not your father. "

You told your sister

she was adopted, yeah?

No, I did one better.

I told her her real father

was an actor...

...who was in the movie

that came through town.

- Johnny Gossamer-

- Johnny Gossamer movie. That's right.

I told Jenna one day she'd go

to Hollywood...

...and she'd meet her famous,

real father.

She believed me, Harry,

and she came out here looking for him.

Okay, this is a bunch.

I can start my...

- ...process, I guess.

- Thank you.

I'm on the case. Here is my card.

- It's a magic card, so....

- Wow, "the Amazing Harold. "

- Just say "abracadabra. "

- What happened, somebody sue you?

It used to be "alakazam"

when you cut me in half.

And, not to be picky,

but it was "Harold the Great. "

No, I used to be great,

now I'm amazing. Get with it.

Hi, it's me. You hear anything?

No, there's nothing

in the papers, so....

I'm busy working on Harmony's case.

What case? Leave her alone.

News on Channel 5, just starting.

Call me after.

- a kidnapping gone wrong.

It is unclear why his daughter...

...was subsequently murdered

or where...

...for she was almost certainly killed

and then moved, police sources say.

Veronica Dexter was reported missing

yesterday afternoon...

...when she failed to greet

her boyfriend at the airport.

Miss Dexter recently made headlines

when she returned from Paris...

...and withdrew her multimillion-dollar

lawsuit against her father...

...actor-turned-entrepreneur

Harlan Dexter.

Mr. Dexter owns

the prestigious Dexter Clinic.

His wife died last spring,

prompting Veronica's return to the U.S...

...and a father-daughter reconciliation

following years of estrangement.

Veronica Dexter,

We were just at that party.

Are you telling me...

...that the girl in the lake,

that was Veronica Dexter?

Positive ID, scars, dental records.

- You talked to your police guy?

- Yeah, not much there.

The lab report came back,

no sign of rape.

Boils down to this:

Veronica Dexter, yesterday afternoon

about 4:
30, left her home.

Went off to the airport, pick up

some dude, old boyfriend. Off she went.

- That was the last anybody saw of her?

- With a symmetrical, ungooshed head.

Police ever find the car?

No, genius, that was us. Remember?

Oh, yeah, right.

- The killers were at the party, Harry.

- They were?

- The killers were at Dexter's?

- That's how they recognized you.

It's getting too scary. You gotta bail.

Get a flight out, today.

But I got my screen test Tuesday.

I'll go Wednesday.

- You're not getting the part.

- F*** off. Don't be a schmuck.

- I know it's a long shot.

- You're not gonna get the part.

You're not listening to me.

You won't get the- Harry!

You're not gonna get the part, okay?

Colin Farrell wants too much money.

Do you get me now?

Dabney, he unearths a discovery.

New kid, works for cheap.

Flies him out here,

high profile, parties...

...screen tests,

detective lessons, all of it.

You were just being used.

Shave a couple million

off of Colin Farrell's price tag.

Sorry, chief. There it is.

I'm not gonna lie to you anymore.

I understand if you wanna

take a swing at me. You f***!

You sissy b*tch!

Stop.

Don't bother asking Harmony out

on your date.

She wasn't very happy to find out that

you're not a detective, that you lied.

- You told her?

- Pick those up.

Pick them up.

Why did you tell her?

You didn't have to tell her.

- I am an idiot. I thought we were friends.

- We're not friends.

- I was in trouble, you were there for me.

- No, I was- Stop speaking.

I was there protecting

my employer, Dabney. Hello.

He pays me to insulate him

from corpses.

I'm not a nice man, Harry.

Go home before something bad

happens to you.

- What, are you threatening me?

- No, moron.

Go home before the bad guys

do something bad to you.

Right, I get it. Fine.

Merry Christmas.

Sorry I f***ed you over.

No problem. Don't quit your gay job.

Arriving passengers

from flight number 758 from Denver...

...may retrieve their baggage

at carousel two.

Hey, Flicka. Hey, it's me, Harry.

Remember me?

What's up, honey? How are you?

- She doesn't want to talk to you.

- Oh, no, no. I know.

Did you ever think maybe

I don't want to talk to her?

I just saw your really distinctive ears.

You look different,

but it's obviously Flicka.

- Maybe it's you I'm interested in.

- Is that true?

Not really. Look, she must have

a cell phone, right? She must.

- Forget it. This is between you two.

- Look, I got a ticket. I am leaving.

I'm going back to the East Coast,

and that's-

No? Come on,

I just want to say something to her.

Just anything before I split.

I'm begging you. Come on, help me out.

- I'm gonna regret this.

- No, you're not...

...and that is a very smart suit,

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