Kiss Kiss Bang Bang Page #6

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by the way.

- It's not here, that's funny.

- What's funny?

Nothing.

It's just under her stage name.

Oh, God. Everyone's got a stage name.

What's her stage name?

Ames. Allison Ames.

Okay, well, I'll just write it down

and then-

Hey! Say that name again.

- Allison Ames.

- Allison Ames. A-M-E-S.

- That's her stage name.

- I just said that.

That's the name on her credit cards.

- How am I supposed to know?

- F***! Thanks, honey. Gotta roll.

Later.

You have reached the offices

of Sentron, Inc. Leave a message.

Newsflash, Perry. Your client, Ames,

it was the little sister.

Repeat, the little sister.

That's where Harmony's

It's in your bank,

you overpriced bastard.

Her kid sister hired you.

Do you get this? Your case and my case

are the same f***ing case.

- Come on!

- Get out of my life!

I'm at the airport, right,

and I run into Flicka, and she says-

- Did I just cut off your finger?

- Yeah.

It's on the floor, to my periph- I don't

wanna see it. Pick it up, put it on ice.

Thanks.

You're a genius, Harry.

You're a genius.

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry I had to bail

on you, but I had to go to work.

I am going nuts here.

I can't stop thinking about this.

What's my sister's connection

to Veronica Dexter?

She predicted that murder, Harry. She

sent you and Perry to that exact spot.

That whole thing is wild. You know what

else is nuts? You cut off my finger!

Oh, God, Harry,

I am so sorry about that. How is it?

It's fine. It's all shut up.

They gave me painkillers.

- Where's Perry? We gotta find him.

- Perry's coming by here.

I'm working a party on Sunset Plaza.

Remember you said the killer may have

been at Dexter's party?

- Well, that whole bunch is here tonight.

- Honey, put me on the list, I'll drop by.

I'll see if I can stir up the kettle, stick

out my hat, see if anyone shoots at it.

Maybe you could put the hat

in the kettle...

...and if they shoot at it, it'll ricochet.

Harry, you sound trashed.

Give me the address. I'm coming.

I showed up mildly whacked

on Demerol...

...thinking Harmony's theory

wasn't so crazy.

Hi.

What if little sis had been murdered

by the same a**holes...

...who offed Veronica Dexter?

Remember?

With the ski masks, those dudes.

Then and there, I made a decision.

If it f***ing killed me,

I would not stop...

...until I got, like, two more Demerol.

No, seriously, I was on the case.

Harry Lockhart, L.A.P.I.

- I got it.

- What do you got?

Just now. My friend Tiff

does the video dubbing at Fox.

- "Lord of the Cock Rings. "

- No, Harry, it's a fake label.

Copyright infringement, she'd get fired.

It's a Johnny Gossamer movie.

If Jenna was hunting her mystery dad,

this is where she would start, right?

- Jesus, don't patronize me!

- I'm not.

- You're patronizing me.

- No, I'm not. It's just a funny little buzz.

I don't know if this guy's

your boyfriend or not...

...but when you were in the bathroom,

he was checking me out.

What? What is it out here

with these women?

Please, they're no different

from anywhere else.

They are. These are damaged goods,

every one of them, from way back.

Take a guy who sleeps with 100 women

a year, go into his childhood...

...dollars to doughnuts,

it's relatively unspectacular.

Now, you take one of these gals

who sleeps with 100 guys a year...

...and I bet you

if you look in their childhood...

...there's something rotten in Denver.

- Denmark.

- That too. But it's abandonment...

...it's abuse. It's, "My uncle

put his ping-ping in my papa. "

Then they all come out here.

It's like someone took America

by the East Coast and shook it...

...and all the normal girls

managed to hang on.

Okay, everybody who hates Harry

here raise their hand.

- See that? Obedient little b*tches too.

- F*** you!

Hey.

Okay, you've got 30 of my

f***ing seconds, thrill me.

All right, guys, cast list.

Catch. That's the credit card

my sister used to hire you.

So who's in this cinematic milestone?

- We got a Michael Beck, whoever that is.

- He's the star of Xanadu, with...

- ...Olivia Newton-John and Gene Kelly.

- Gay.

- What?

- Nothing.

Perry, listen up. I know this is

a long shot, but indulge me, please.

We gotta lose the hat.

I'm sorry, honey, I can't-

- God, I'm working!

- I know, but just forget it.

Seriously, don't jump all over me.

Just pay attention. Watch it, please.

- That's Harlan Dexter.

- What?

- Who's Har-? What?

- Look, that's-

He's 20 years younger,

but that's Harlan Dexter.

Always sees the inside of a police van.

No way.

This kind of makes sense. He had

the Gossamer books at his house.

Used to be an actor.

I remember him now. 1980.

Oh, my God, I saw him like this.

- Young.

- Where?

In Indiana. He was there

with the movie crew.

Remember, I told you he looked familiar.

Oh, God, this can't be true.

And your sister has to have seen this,

so you know what it comes down to.

You tell your sister a fairy tale

about her real father-

And 20 years later, she comes out

to L.A. hunting Harlan Dexter.

I've got a surveillance

in MacArthur Park.

I gotta follow some chick around

till midnight. Do not play detective.

This is not a book. This is not a movie.

We got it. Do you think I'm stupid?

You wouldn't know where

to feed yourself...

...if you didn't flap your mouth so much.

Yes, I think you're stupid.

Harry, don't listen to a word he says,

all right? We're getting somewhere.

I'll call you tomorrow.

I'm going back to work.

Good.

- Excuse me.

- What's up, baby? How you feeling?

- I'm just gonna-

- Come and take a walk. Walk with me.

Great, this is f***ing rich.

Well, now, here we all are:

- Ike, Mike and Mustard.

- What the hell does that mean?

I'm with him on this one.

That's pretty f***ing obscure.

- I hear that all the time.

- You do?

- Yeah, sure.

- Where? At the 1942 Club?

- Just because you didn't get it-

- Motherf***er, I could- Slow your roll.

This is bullshit. What will you do,

take me out here? There's sec-

- Keep talking. Keep talking.

- You wanna know who we are?

I'm the frying pan, see?

And my boy over here-

He's Mustard.

I'm Mustard, baby.

- Sure.

- He's the fire.

- F*** you, Mr. Mustard.

- Here we go.

Now, me and my man, we're puzzled

lately by your behavior, such as-

Such as why is a savvy, stand-up cat

like yourself consorting with gay men?

Frolicking in the lake together.

What is that?

You're the guys

who were wearing the masks.

- You don't ask the questions.

- Don't ask questions.

God, you just tore up my f***ing

finger! I just got this fixed. Jesus!

I bet there's a doctor in New York,

clear that sh*t right up.

Clear it right up.

L.A. don't want you no more,

tough guy.

All right?

- How much further to the hospital?

- Five minutes away.

Talk to me. Our mascot,

back in high school, who was it?

Come on, Harry, stay with me.

Whitey, the white knight. Whitey.

I guess it's better

than calling him "Knighty. "

Then it'd be Knighty Knight. Soon

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