Knocked Up Page #12
Why y'all wanna be in here anyway?
Y'all need to be
at a yoga class or something.
What the f*** is she doing at the club?
That's not even
good parenting right there.
Your old ass should know better than that.
Oh, God.
Have the mushrooms
kicked in yet?
This was a great idea, man.
This is the best idea
I've ever had in my life.
What are they gonna do?
What in the world
are they doing?
If I shaved my stomach
and my chest, I would look
exactly like that.
Those guys are
at work right now.
"What'd you do today?"
"I just lifted my brother."
No. Don't applaud. He'll fall.
I'm freaking out
right now, man.
The mushrooms are turning on me.
Papa.
I'm not your papa!
Papa!
I can't deal
with this sh*t, man!
Hold up. Hold up.
Ben, wait. Ben, Ben, Ben, wait!
It's over.
What's over?
My youth.
Oh, don't say that.
It's true.
I just wanna dance.
I love dancing.
So dance.
I can't dance.
I'm embarrassed.
I should be embarrassed.
I'm a f***ing whale,
and I'm trying to get
into some stupid club and...
No, you look beautiful.
And you're young
and you're tall,
and you got the good lips
and b*obs, and you're young still.
I'm gonna be alone.
Debbie, no, you're not.
Yes, I am.
Oh, God!
F***ing men!
I get worse-Iooking
and he gets better-Iooking,
and it's so f***ing unfair.
Oh, f***.
We should go.
My babysitter always gets mad
when we come home past 12:00.
She's such a pissy
little high-school c*nt.
Let's move, gang!
Come on, come on, come on!
Jessica,
can you get these plates
and put them
on the table, please?
This isn't funny.
That guy has 12 kids.
It's not funny. It's...
Now I get
to start all over again!
This is sick.
This is a sick movie.
That's a lot of responsibility to be
joking about. That's not funny.
I got to turn this off.
It's freaking me out.
There are five different types
Holy f***. What are they
all doing in here?
These are five
different types of chairs.
Get them out of here, man.
This is too many chairs for one room.
There's a guy that works
for this hotel. His whole job
is to find chairs.
Look at this one. Look at it.
It's gold and red,
and it's kind of shiny.
Shiny thread? Unbelievable.
It is beautiful
and it feels amazing.
The tall one's gawking at me
and the short one's being very droll.
I don't like them.
Oh, wow.
It's weird that chairs even exist
when you're not sitting on them.
I'm up high!
I'm really high up.
I should've read
the baby books.
Why didn't you read
the baby books?
'Cause then it's real,
you know?
Dude, it's real whether
or not you read those books.
That baby's coming.
Oh, man!
Think they'll take us back?
Yes.
But I don't know why.
Do you ever wonder how somebody
could even like you?
All the time, man. Like every day.
I wonder how you like me.
How can Debbie like me?
She likes me. I mean, she loves me.
The biggest problem
in our marriage is that
she wants me around.
She loves me so much
that she wants me
around all the time.
That's our biggest problem.
And I can't even accept that?
Like that upsets me?
What?
She's the one. She loves me.
You can't believe
people love you?
I love you, man!
Debbie loves you!
I don't think I can accept her love.
There's something wrong with me.
You can't accept love?
I don't know what it is.
Love? The most beautiful,
shiny, warmy thing in the world?
You can't accept it?
I have to go to this other chair.
Oh, this is a better energy.
You can't accept pure love?
You can't accept Debbie?
She's chosen
to give you her life.
She's picked you
as her life partner!
But you play fantasy baseball
because you can't accept her love?
I could accept it, man.
And Debbie's amazing, man.
She's cool and she's funny
and she smells good
and she's nice and her hair
always looks different.
She's too good for you, man.
Tastes like a rainbow.
You're disgusting.
You know, you're an urchin.
And she busts your balls
'cause you're a little b*tch.
You're a filthy b*tch!
And I'd bust your balls.
Debbie wants to give her life
to you, and Allison doesn't
want to do that with me.
And it makes me sad all day.
I want to go home.
I wanna go home, too.
Everything looks beautiful.
Thanks.
I went kind of overboard, huh?
No. It's great.
Your daughter only turns eight once.
Is Ben gonna come?
I don't think so.
I don't know why he would.
Oh, hey. What up, dawg?
Where have you been?
Around. You know?
Just kind of doing my thing.
Why is everybody
so mad at you?
I don't know. Are they mad?
What have they been saying?
They've been saying, like,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
"Ben's a prick."
They said that?
A lot.
That sucks.
What does it mean?
Penis. It means penis.
Oh.
Penis.
Babe, we're running
low on plates.
Hey, Ben! What's up, man?
What's happening, man?
Hey, Ben.
Hey, Debbie.
How are you?
Good. How are you?
Hi.
Did you just get pink cupcakes
or yellow cupcakes?
I just got yellow cupcakes.
I thought I said
get pink cupcakes.
I can run out.
I'll get some more.
Nah, it's no big deal.
I don't mind.
No, it doesn't matter.
You sure?
Yeah. You look
really cute in that.
All right.
Well, that was fast,
you p*ssy.
I'm a...
You're the one that got
dressed up like a cholo on
Easter to come to this party.
How are things
at Butt-F***ing-Ham Palace?
You look like Babe Ruth's
gay brother, Gabe Ruth.
Well played, sir. That was good.
You gonna talk to Allison?
Yeah, I was just about to.
Right on.
It's a doll.
Thanks, Ben.
I just don't think
we can make it work.
We can get back on track,
and everything's gonna be great.
You're just being nice,
and I'm being nice,
and just because we're two
nice people doesn't mean
we should stay together.
I don't want this baby
to determine the rest
of our lives. You know?
Me not wanting to do this alone
isn't enough of a reason
to drag you into a relationship
with me. It's just not fair.
And don't repeat this, but God,
I don't want to end up like Debbie.
But Debbie's happy.
Yeah, she's happy today.
But every day is
a constant struggle for them
because they're not
right for each other.
You know? And they have
to force it, and I don't want
us to have to do that.
I don't want to force you
to be what I think you should be.
That's wrong of me
because you're great.
You really are. You're great
the way you are, and...
I mean, you like to get high,
and you like to do shrooms in Vegas.
I didn't do shrooms in Vegas.
Who am I to stop you?
Who am I to tell you that
that's wrong? It's not wrong.
It's who you are.
It's what you enjoy
and that's your life and...
I'm not that guy anymore.
I mean, we can be friends.
And you can be there
when the baby is born,
and in the baby's life
as much as you want.
I hope you will be.
I just...
I think that if you just...
I don't know. If you give me a shot
to just show you that I'm...
Excuse me?
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"Knocked Up" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 25 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/knocked_up_11948>.
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