Knocked Up Page #3

Yeah, it's awesome.

I just doubled my record time.

Oh, yeah. You did.

I'm sorry,

I'm sweating on you.

Okay, just stop talking.

F*** off, Martin.

I said, f*** off, Martin.

Hi.

Oh. Hey.

Hey.

I'm naked.

Yeah.

Did we have sex?

Yes.

Nice.

What time is it?

Why the f*** are we awake?

Let's go back to sleep.

I have to go to work.

Really?

Do you need to get

to work or anything?

No, I'm... No work today.

Do you wanna get breakfast?

Okay.

Morning.

Good morning, Allison.

I'm Ben.

What's happening, man?

Ben.

How's it going?

Ah, to be young.

Stop it.

You stop it.

Okay, see you later.

All righty.

See you later. Enjoy the day.

Never do what they did.

I'm gonna do it.

You are? Uh-oh. Someone's

getting home-schooled.

I just yacked something nasty.

I feel way better, though.

I think that's like

the secret. Like you gotta...

I mean, once you're hung-over,

you just gotta puke.

It feels so... Did you puke?

No.

You can. I won't think

it's gross or anything.

Oh, that's okay, I'm fine.

Okay.

I just need some coffee, so...

You know, the best thing

for a hangover is weed.

Do you smoke...

Do you smoke weed?

Not really.

You don't?

No.

At all?

Mmm-mmm.

Like in the morning?

No, I just don't.

You know, it's like...

It is like the best medicine.

Because it fixes everything.

Jonah broke his elbow once.

He just got high,

and it still clicks,

but, I mean, he's okay.

Right.

Yeah.

Last night was great,

what I remember of it.

Right, yeah.

Yeah, no, it was fun.

We had a great time.

Yeah.

So what do you do?

I work at E!

The television channel?

Uh-huh.

Remember?

Wow!

We had this

conversation last night.

I told you about my promotion.

I was out celebrating it.

No?

No.

I don't remember that at all.

Yeah. I'm super

excited about it.

I'm actually doing my first

on-air interview today, so...

With who?

Matthew Fox.

Matthew Fox from Lost?

Yeah.

You know what's interesting

about him?

What?

Nothing.

What?

Will you tell him

he's an a**hole for me?

No.

Someone needs to.

Like who gives a sh*t?

Well, I hope a lot of people,

actually, because that's

what my job entails

is making sure people care

what he has to say.

I'm interviewing him.

Maybe it's just me. Maybe

I just don't give a sh*t.

I'm just saying

he deserves a beat-down.

Actually, it's sort

of embarrassing

to ask at this point,

but what do you do for work?

Me and my roommates

have started a... We're

starting an Internet website.

Oh, cool. What is it?

I'll give you the virtual

experience, okay? How's that?

You're at your computer.

Mmm-hmm.

Who's an actress you like?

Mary Tyler Moore?

No.

That does not work at all.

No?

No.

Okay.

Let's say you love Meg Ryan.

I do.

Great. Who doesn't?

Yeah.

Let's say you like her so much

you wanna know every movie

where she shows her tits.

And not just that,

but how long into that

movie she shows her tits.

You come to our

web page exclusively.

Type in "Meg Ryan." Bam!

In the Cut, 38 minutes in,

like an hour and 10 minutes...

She's, like, naked

that whole f***ing movie.

She does full frontal

in that movie.

Wow.

They should've called her

Harry, not Sally.

Really.

I'll show it to you.

I'll show you Meg Ryan's bush.

Okay.

Cool.

Yeah, I actually need

to get going, so...

Well, could...

Can I get your number?

I mean, I don't...

We had fun, right?

We should hook up again.

I'm gonna give you my card

'cause that'll be

the best way to...

Well, I mean, if you want

to contact me, I don't have

a cell, right now,

because of

payment complications.

But, I mean, you can e-mail me

at the web page. I check...

It's just Ben

at flesh-of-the-stars,

one word, dot-com.

Yeah.

Yeah. Okay.

Okay.

So, awesome.

All right, then.

Nice to meet you.

Yeah. Okay.

Bye. Take care.

See you.

Bye!

That was f***ing brutal.

Yeah, that was brutal.

It was a huge mistake.

What's a mistake?

Nothing. Nothing that we need

to talk about right now.

Why did you do it?

Aunty Allison drank

too much chocolate milk.

And I was feeling weird

because of that.

And I made a...

I think that's enough.

Okay.

Did he wear a condom?

Yes.

Thank God.

Do you think

you'll do it again?

No, no way.

She was totally

repulsed by me.

What?

She just really

didn't seem to like me.

Like, she wasn't laughing at my jokes.

I mean, I'm like a funny guy.

F***ing funny as balls.

Hilarious, man.

I'm giving her the A sh*t.

Nothing. She thought our

web page was a bad idea.

What?

That f***ing stuck-up b*tch.

Yeah, I think so, too.

I think it's awesome

that you had sex with her.

If a goofy guy like you

had sex with her, I feel like

I had sex with her also.

I was so drunk.

I just wish I remembered it.

Hi, I'm Allison Scott.

And we're here today with

James Franco from Spider-Man.

How are you?

Great, great.

Thanks for coming.

Of course.

Tell me, were you

a big fan of the...

I'm sorry,

let me take that again.

Okay.

Tell me, were you a big fan

of the comic books growing up?

No, actually,

I didn't read any of

the comic books until

I got the movie and then...

Are you okay?

Mmm-hmm.

Yeah, just what about

the comic books?

Just keep talking.

Like I said,

I really wasn't into them,

but now that I did

the research, I think they're

pretty amazing, like...

Sh*t.

What the f***?

Is that the sound

of you puking?

If this is one of those

f***ing joke shows,

I'm not into it.

We should put this on YouTube.

Shut up.

This is hilarious.

You're an a**hole.

Look how sweaty you are.

You look like Dom DeLuise.

I don't need to see it again.

It's gonna make me throw up.

You look like

Jabba the Hutt dying.

You're such an a**hole.

I'm just jerking your chain.

I'll fix this. No problem.

Yeah, maybe if you can just

edit this out, and we can...

We can reshoot my questions.

What's up?

Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

No, no, no. Over here.

Not on the mix board,

not on the mix board, here.

Are you okay?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Are you sick?

I don't know.

What'd you eat?

I haven't eaten today yet.

You haven't...

Do you have, like,

a napkin or something?

Here, here.

What, do you have,

like, the flu?

I don't know.

God, I hope

you're not pregnant.

It's impossible. You have

to have sex to get pregnant.

B.K. It's Brent Master Five.

Allison just puked.

Dude, that's what I said.

She's probably

pregnant, right?

Oh, sh*t.

How does she look right now?

She looks like

she just realized

that she's pregnant.

No, I can't be

pregnant. Right?

I mean that was, what?

Eight weeks ago?

When was that?

Mmm-hmm.

Did you miss your period?

No. Wait.

I don't know.

Sh*t. I don't know.

I can't remember.

I was... I mean, I've been

really stressed at work.

I can't remember

my last period.

Are you the lady who doesn't

realize she's pregnant

till she's sitting

on the toilet

and a kid pops out?

Can you not joke right now?

Don't joke right now.

This is really serious.

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