Kung Pow: Enter the Fist Page #3

What good am I now?

His powers are greater than mine.

Yes, plus when you were

hit with his iron claw,

you did scream

like a wussy.

Look inside yourself,

Cho-Simba.

You must take your place

in the great circle of...

stuff.

Behold the symbols.

One over here,

the other

over there.

Remember, weakening

and defeating Betty...

is the fiirst step to revealing

the council"s identity.

What is this Evil Council

everyone speaks of?

The answer you seek resides

in the stars above.

I don"t understand.

Of course you don"t.

I"m speaking in riddles.

That"s kind of the point,

like a clue that will later make you go,

"Oh, that"s what he meant !

Stars above !"

Please tell me.

What is my purpose?

Train, Cho-Simba.

You must reach

the next level.

- This is CNN.

- Wait, Mu Shu.

- CNN.

- What of my tongue?

- C... N...

- Mu Shu !

N !

Hmm? A tiger.

Hmm?

Tiger, tiger, tiger.

Hmm ! Bird.

Birdie.

Birdie, birdie.

Hmm.

I am a great magician.

Your clothes are red !

Wow ! Please.

- Do it again. Wait, who"s that?

B-- Betty.

H-He"s alive,

Betty.

He"s still alive,

Betty.

Still alive !

How can that be?

Oh, this is bad.

This is very bad.

Your clothes are black.

Oh, the council

will not be pleased.

Uh, but, Betty,

do they have to know?

He"s supposed to be dead.

I am responsible.

Nyah ! He, alone, can disrupt

the Evil Council"s plan.

Him and that infernal Tonguey !

Eh, red clothes !

Uh, Master Betty,

might I inquire, what is

the Evil Council"s plan?

Huh ! It is evil.

My, it is so evil !

It is a bad, bad plan...

that will hurt

many people...

that are good.

I think it"s great,

"cause it"s so bad.

I-I see....

I think.

But, Master Betty,

what of the Chosen One?

Hmm.

I"ll kill him.

I"ll kill him dead.

Hmm, like with--

with a rock or something.

Like a-- like a stone.

" We are both ventriloquists "

" Ventriloquists

Ventriloquists "

" We are both ventriloquists

and we practice every day "

- He carries the basket.

- He carries the paper roll.

" And we don"t have cysts "

" But there is one thing that"s for sure

my friends, we are ventriloquists "

Yaah ! Hmm.

- Have you seen him before?

- Never !

Ventriloquists, huh?

Nyah, nyah, nyah !

You know the location of the Chosen One.

Where is he?

On the life of my dummy, I swear this--

I"ll never tell you where he is !

-i am the Chosen One, outside the wall !

-Yeah, the wall !

Your mouth tricks will not work

on me, ventriloquists.

And so began Betty's killing spree.

No one was safe.

Ouchie !

Aiding the Chosen One...

became an offense

punishable by death.

Hmm. Orson.

Welles.

" We are both ventriloquists "

" But now we"re upside down "

- I swing a bit more.

- I swing a bit less.

" But we both swing

if you know-- "

- Got ya.

-Whee-oh !

- What? Please !

- Hold still, ma"am. Here she is, Betty.

The Chosen One disappeared last night.

- What have you done with him?

- Funny.

I thought you

could tell me.

Hmm. In your dreams.

Whee-oh !

Hmm !

I like "em feisty.

You disgust me.

Whee-oh-oh-oh !

Ee-oh, whee-oh, pee-oh,

ee-oh, pee-oh !

- Whee !

Whee ! Ohh !

- She hit me, Betty.

- No !

Go follow her,

then save her...

for me.

" Ah, chicken go cluck-cluck

Cow go moo "

" Piggy go-- "

" How "bout you "

"Gonna be an animal

just like you-- "

Coo-coo !

Coo-coo !

I"m just a birdy too.

Uh-huh? Uh-huh?

" Lemurs go-- "

"Ostrich go baah, koalas go-- "

- Huh?

- Yaah !

- Hit it !

- " I like big butts and I cannot lie "

" You other brothers

can't deny "

" 'Cause i'm long and i'm strong and

i'm down to get the friction on "

" You get sprung

wanna pull up front "

" 'Cause you noticed

that butt was stuffed "

"Use me, use me 'cause you ain't

that average groupie "

"Baby got back "

"Baby got back "

Okay, so here were my options.

'A, "quickly duck sideways,

dodge the claw,

then take him out

with a spinning back kick.

Or "B, "take the claw

in the face,

then roll on the ground

and die.

Hmm. Should have gone

with "A."

"Don't want none

unless you got buns, hon ""

That"s right !

Follow me !

Right into my trap !

You go that way.

I"ll go home.

Hmm? Hmm?

Huh?

Hmm?

Oh ! Chosen One !

- Ling?

- Hurry !

- I"m coming !

- Chosen One !

I"m coming !

Chosen One !

I"m coming !

Chosen One !

I"m coming !

Go get some snacks.

Perhaps a carbonated soda.

I hope they have Icees !

I"ve chosen the large tub.

My nipples look

like Milk Duds.

I"ve got some yellow liquid

for your popcorn,

and it"s non-dairy.

I... will... not...

be stopped...

by a tiny net !

I"ll reverse

the capture method,

and yaah-- free.

Now I have to fiind Ling.

Ling !

Ling !

Wimp Lo?

Chosen One.

Huh? Master !

- Chosen One.

- Oh, Master.

Do I look all right?

Uh, yeah, sure.

O-On a scale

from one to ten--

Uh... one.

Come.

C-Come closer, please.

Listen and listen well.

I really like

the band "N Sync.

My favorite member

is Harpo.

I think there"s a Harpo.

If not, there should be.

I will write

their next hit, maybe.

" A-boom-boom chickie-chickie

boom-boom boom-chickie "

"Chaka-chaka-choo-choo "

By the way,you must be wary

of Betty's iron claws.

They are sharp,

and they hurt.

And beware his song

about big butts.

He beats you up

while he plays it !

- Master, no !

-Chosen.

- Huh?

Huh?

Ling !

Chosen One,

I"m... dying.

No. Please.

Remember,

I will always...

love...you.

Whee ! Ee-ee !

Ling ! Ohh !

- Huh?

- Dog !

Oh, it"s okay, boy.

- No, it"s not. Huh?

-Chosen One.

Master !

Oh, Master.

You"re alive.

I only did this--

That doesn"t mean

a person is dead.

-Chosen.

- Huh?

- Ling !

- Chosen One.

Why did you run off?

Why did you leave me?

- But I thought-- Huh?

- Oh, dog ! You"re alive !

Hey, if you"re all alive,

then surely Wimp Lo--

Wimp !

Oh.

Betty has gone too far.

Killing is wrong...

and bad.

There should be a new,

stronger word for killing...

like "badwrong"

or "badong."

Yes, killing is "badong."

From this moment, I will stand

for the opposite of killing,

"gnodab."

Excuse me, kind blacksmith.

Do you know where I can fiind little,

silver, triangular pyramid caps...

- roughly an inch

and a half in diameter ?

- Right here in my hand.

Yaah !

Betty's protective

caps were the source of his power.

in order to defeat him,

they would have to be removed.

- Chosen One tried and tried,

but they were too smooth

to pull and pointy.

So they would, like,

poke your hands...

- if you didn't get it 'just right.

So he got frustrated,

as any one of us would.

Okay, maybe a little more

than any one of us would.

I"ll never be able

to do it, ever !

Don"t look at me !

Your hands-- let me see.

It hurts?

How "bout now?

And now?

And this?

You broke a thermometer

in my hands.

Rub it all in my hair.

You just get stranger

and stranger and stranger.

Your hands--

How are they now?

I don"t know.

They feel like they"re on fiire.

Huh.

So you really think

that"s hot?

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