Laerte-se Page #4

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I am thinking about

the symbolic significance.

I want the breasts so I can have them,

so I can live with them.

Now,

how that's going to work, I don't know.

It covers a lot, but that's okay.

I like it. It is what I want.

Okay. Bye.

When you think about getting breasts,

you are adding something.

You are inserting something.

Would you take anything out?

Yeah, maybe. The testicles.

-Would you take them out?

-I think so.

Why?

I feel a bit uncomfortable

about my scrotum.

"Scrotum" is a great name.

It is a little bag.

I find it a bit uncomfortable.

It's not something I like to have

nor encounter.

The penis is not that bad, frankly.

IF A FAIRY GRANTED ME WISHES...

GO AHEAD AND ASK!

I WOULD WANT A PAIR OF B*OBS.

JUST ASK FOR IT!

AND ALSO MORE ASS

AND SMALLER SHOULDERS.

WILL YOU ASK OR NOT?

AND RETRACTABLE TESTICLES.

HE DOESN'T LISTEN.

U.S. ABDOMEN - DRIVER'S LICENSE - TEETH

B*OBS - SHOULDER - KNEE

Rafael?

Can I show up at yours around three,

or just after?

WHILE YOU'RE ALIVE,

THERE'S DIRTY DISHES.

I would like to test this monitor

on your computer.

No, because I have...

Really, now? What time is it?

Okay, right.

Yeah. Maybe I will go, then.

I need to see what I can do here.

But okay.

Well, if I go, I go. Kisses.

Hey, go back to your place.

Dad?

Yes? It's me.

You are being filmed. Smile!

-Let's try to turn this bloody thing on.

-What?

What?

-It's better, right?

-But that's what it does.

-Look! The monitor is working, then.

-Yes.

It's the Mac Mini. F***ing hell!

-The cables are working.

-No, it's the Mac Mini that's not.

Oh, no! Really?

Rafa, many thanks for your...

You're welcome, dad.

-These Japanese are crazy, right?

-Yeah.

I am obsessed

with these modern Japanese.

This guy here is Japanese, isn't he?

-He is Belgian.

-This guy is really good.

Huh?

Belgian!

Dude, you need to read this.

It's my greatest passion at the moment.

Taiyo Matsumoto.

Are you going to lend them to me?

You don't need to take them all.

Take one, then bring it back.

Take two, three...

-Have you read them all?

-Yes.

If you've read them,

why can't I take them?

Because I am very jealous of my books.

Do you want to write that down?

I'll write it down, don't worry.

-My house is a mess, Rafa.

-Okay, so leave them here.

I give books away every day.

I don't know, I might take it there

and it might disappear.

So, leave it here.

You can read it here.

Yeah, right.

People used to say: "Wow, you've done

so much work, 40 years' worth."

And I would have

a horrible feeling of insecurity.

"My God, what if they find out

that this was a guess, that that one

is crap, that the other one is bad,

and the other one...", you know?

What if they find out?

I couldn't see what was there

at the exhibition

as a solid production that...

that represented

a professional life forever, you know?

It was not like Ziraldo's exhibition,

or Jaguar's, Millr's.

It wasn't. It was...

They were my adaptations.

The exposed wires,

a piece of fabric showing,

a piece of plaster.

I am talking figuratively.

Everything was beautiful, the execution

of the exhibition was beautiful,

but metaphorically speaking,

people didn't see this...

"My God, they don't realize it."

In this labyrinth of your work,

there is a creature that patrols it,

just like the Minotaur myth.

Anxiety or distress,

a free superego, a sexless entity

who attacks when cornered.

It may be Laerte himself,

the creature among us.

He, my familiar father, a monster.

Goodbye, baseboards!

BODY:
AIDS, QUEIQUI, AND PROCTO TESTS -

VARICOSE - B*OBS

WORK:
TORERO - PRINCESINHA - LONG

HOUSE:
TOILET - PAINTING

The idea was that my house is inadequate.

By extension, I am inadequate.

Or I am inadequate

and by extension my house also is.

But it's the idea that

this is not the right way.

Inadequacy means that, right?

And...

I compared it

with some moments I have had

that multiplied themselves this year,

and which are occasions

where I lose what I am saying.

I can't express myself, I can't speak.

To the point where I apologize and say,

"Look, I can't do it."

Thank you. Goodnight, everyone.

I have nothing to add.

Really. I apologize to all of you.

Really, Laerte? That's fine.

Fear.

A fear. Something horrible...

Fear of what might happen,

what people might think.

Fear of not having arguments,

of not having motivation.

I start thinking that

what I have to say is unimportant.

I start thinking that it's weird.

Why are you...?

Nobody knows.

I start thinking I am there by mistake,

that they wanted

somebody else to be there

and ended up inviting me.

I start thinking the most absurd things.

I freeze. I freeze.

The sentence does not progress,

it stays there.

And that extends to everything,

it extends even to my body,

to my intentions

towards body construction

with regards to the implants,

to the care that my body demands.

Teeth, hemorrhoids, ears,

all of these things that require

some sort of attention.

They get an attention...

What?

That is pulverized.

An absentminded attention.

Inadequate.

My ear, for example. I am...

This side gets worse every day.

-Have you got a "pate", Grandpa?

-What?

Have you got a "pate"?

I don't get it.

-Have you got a "pate", Grandpa?

-Have I got what?

-"Pate"!

-Date?

"Pate"!

-"Pate"?

-No! "Pate".

I don't get it... What is it?

That...

Oh, plate? I do!

Oh dear.

Your grandma is a bit deaf.

Do you want some?

Have you peeled it?

Look.

I did.

-YOU ARE UNRECOGNIZABLE.

-SO ARE YOU.

So, how is that matter with your body?

The breasts matter?

Well, it's...

It's a confusion that is getting worse.

Regarding the breasts,

I am struggling with four verbs:

want, can, need and should.

-Tell me about each verb.

-I know I don't need them.

I don't need them,

I exist without breasts.

But I want them.

COCCINELLE,

THE MAN WHO BECAME A WOMAN! (1963)

Right now, I can.

I have the means for it. Alright.

What about the should?

The should is a very disturbing question,

as it concerns other people's views.

I always listen,

when I think about this verb,

I always hear that motherfucking fascist

pointing at me and asking me:

"What about breasts?

Are you getting them?"

Why? Because this is a document.

It really is. It really is.

Do you remember

A Man Called Horse?

There is a physical test

that needs to be undertaken.

That reveals something

about the person's availability.

"So, you're really up for it?"

Richard Harris' character accepts it

and becomes a member of the tribe

and the rite of passage

consists of sticking two pegs

in the chest skin

and being hanged by ropes

tied to the ceiling

over a bonfire with smoke on top of him.

It is beautiful! It's beautiful.

After that, during tribe life,

for the Indians,

that scar is proof of commitment.

It is what makes that man's alliance

sacred to that tribe.

It is disturbing enough.

I don't have an answer.

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