Last Action Hero Page #6

thanks largely to you.

What is this, Benedict?

First, you're my friend. Now you turn a

- 360 on me.

- God.

One-eighty,

you stupid, spaghetti-slurping cretin.

One-eighty! If I did a 360,

I'd go completely around

and end up back where I started!

- What?

- Trust me.

If that little turd, Daniel Madigan,

can move through parallel worlds,

I can move through

parallel worlds, in and out.

In, steal whatever I want, and out again.

Impossible to catch.

If God was a villain,

he'd be me.

- You want me vacuum now?

- No, thank you.

But the pool could benefit

from some attention.

Very good.

Don't move.

- All right, Slater, I'll go quietly.

- The hell you will.

That was for blowing up

my second cousin, Frank's house.

And this is for blowing up

my ex-wife's house.

But this...

This is for my daughter's black eye!

Usually, when I do that, it leaves a hole.

The ticket. Jack, he's got the ticket!

It's the key to everything. It's magic.

See? That's my world!

He's gone over to my world!

The door, it must still be open. Come on!

I'm not worried that you're crazy anymore.

I'm worried that you're right.

But if I go, how do I get back?

You can't go through life

nitpicking every little thing.

Now, come on!

The hell with it.

There was nothing to it.

- We're still here.

- Are you sure about that? Look.

Quickly! Quickly!

- I want to see if Nick's okay.

- There's no time. Come on.

What the hell? We're in New York.

Jack, it all makes sense.

No, actually it makes absolutely no sense,

but I'll try to explain it you. Later.

Meantime, please be careful.

Things work different here.

- Get out!

- All right. Don't get feisty.

- The car's a piece ofjunk, anyway.

- Drive, bonehead!

Here's another explosion for your movie, kid.

Not a word. Not one word.

- My hand. It really hurts.

- Things work different here.

You can't smash a car window with your

bare hand and not have it hurt.

Thanks for sharing.

You couldn't have told me this earlier?

- I think the taxis are bulletproof.

- Jack, We got to get that ticket back.

No way, Slater. Please. Listen to me.

It won't work, you hear me?

You can't play chicken in real life.

You'll crash!

Out of the car, amigo.

This isn't the movies anymore, Jack.

Here, you have to reload guns...

- Go, Danny! Get out!

- Car crashes can kill you! You hear me?

You are going to die! Jack!

What did I do?

Oh, Christ, please.

Damn it, that hurt.

You're lucky you're still alive,

you dumb idiot!

Hey, '89 Mercury Sable,

standard driver's-side air bag.

Checker Cab, no air bag. Who is dumb?

Okay, okay. Just make sure they're dead.

- Give me a break. They're dead.

- Just check, will you?

- Look. Dead.

- They always look dead! Like in Die Hard.

The guy's hanging there by his neck

and at the end of the movie he comes back.

All right. Make sure to cover me.

I think he's got a windshield wiper.

Maybe he used the ticket.

Maybe it's on all the time now.

What is this place?

Where am I now?

Danny, you got a place I can sit down?

Yeah. Come on.

Nick! Nick!

Danny. Oh, my God.

I was so worried. Are you okay?

Did you see what happened?

No, I slept the sleep of the dead, kid,

in here until

I woke up at 2:
00 in the morning

and I figured you'd gone home.

I wasn't home, Nick. I was in the movie.

I'm getting a little up in years, kid.

Define "in."

Whitney kissed me on the mouth.

I drove one of those great big cranes and

dropped Leo the Fart in the La Brea Tar Pits.

I was with Jack Slater every step of the way!

Oh, my God.

The ticket works?

I could have used it all this time

and I never used it 'cause I...

I was too frightened.

But it's not too late. I can still go visit

Garbo in Camille.

Jean Harlow. Oh, boy, I had a crush...

Monroe in Bus Stop.

Forgive me for going on like that, sir.

I'm a great admirer of your work, too.

Nick, it isn't who you think.

You mean, it's... Is he...

This is a wonderful moment

for me, Mr. Slater.

I've never met a fictional character before.

How new and exciting

this must all be for you.

Hey, I just found out I was imaginary.

I mean, how would you feel if you found out

that somebody made you up?

Your job, your marriage, your kids.

Oh, yeah.

Let's push his son off the building.

Gives you nightmares the rest of your life.

But you're fictional, so who cares? I'm sorry,

but I don't find it so new and exciting

to discover

that my whole life has been a damn movie.

Well, you're young and impressionable.

You know,

there's lots worse things than movies.

There's politicians and wars and forest fires,

and famine and plague...

- Sickness, pain, warts, politicians...

- You already mentioned them.

I know I did.

They're twice as bad as anything else.

Most of my life's been movies, too.

Well, showing them.

But that's all over for me now.

The theater's shut. I'm gonna clear out

my stuff, and then it's the wrecking ball.

But now, I got another chance.

Could I have the ticket back, please?

Well... We've got this one little

- hiccup.

- What do you mean "hiccup"?

Benedict's here, too, and he's got the ticket.

That madman with the glass eye?

- How the hell are you going to get back?

- That's a good question.

But we wouldn't want to nitpick.

Right, Danny?

Now, you just follow my lead.

Where have you been?

Have you got any idea what time it is?

The police called.

You're not there, you're not here.

Mom, I'm sorry. Okay?

"Okay?"

There are nine million kids

out there with guns

and that's all

you have to say to me, "Okay?"

- Will you get in here?

- Well... Mom, wait.

You know how you always say

you wished I had more friends?

Well...

Hello, Mrs. Madigan.

Arnold Braunschweiger.

Sweetheart, want to have a party?

- How old are you?

- Forget it.

No, you get the shoes! Take the shoes!

Come on, we ain't got time. Come on!

Take his shoes?

No screams?

No sirens?

Excuse me!

- Excuse me!

- Yeah?

I'm sorry to bother you.

I wonder if you'd help me test a theory.

Sure. What can I do for you?

Well...

Hello?

I've just shot somebody. I did it on purpose!

I said, I have murdered a man,

and I want to confess!

Hey, shut up down there!

I don't know what to say.

I feel a little shy and embarrassed right now,

but, I mean, I understand that,

for some reason, we look alike.

It's crazy...

The thing is, you really do look uncannily

like him except for one thing, the eyes.

- You are obviously much more intelligent.

- Thank you.

Good morning. Good afternoon.

Good to see you.

What kind of eggs do you want?

Scrambled.

Have you guys been up all night?

Why didn't you tell me that Jack was a cop

and why didn't you tell me

you spent the whole night

in a police station looking at mug shots?

You could have taken two minutes

to call your mother.

Why didn't you tell me you had no friends?

And what is this business

about going to the movies at midnight

when you knew

your mother would be worried?

Mom. You turned him into a wimp.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes