Laws of Attraction Page #4

- It's got excellent reviews.

When does he write books?!

Outside of New York's

biggest divorce trial

since Gary Harrison's last April,

the case of basketball legend

Adamo Shandela

and his wife Irene...

the trial which has two of the city's

top divorce pit bulls

Audrey Woods

and Daniel Rafferty

against each other once again.

Now the verdict

has just been handed down.

Wait a minute, I'm told

he's on his way out.

Adamo, how does it feel

to have the verdict go your way?

Well, I just feel lucky

to have the best lawyer

in New York on my side,

you know what I'm saying?

Ms. Woods, in a case that's had

to reveal so much indelicate information

about the petitioner's

private life,

you've really been commended

on your aboveboard tactics.

It's all about

doing your homework,

researching

every aspect of the law,

burning the midnight oil...

you have to be prepared for anything.

You know, if it's one thing

that I've learned,

it's don't get caught in court

with your pants down.

Ah, that's good.

Objection, Your Honor. Counsel is,

as usual, making assumptions.

Overruled, Ms. Woods!

Opposing counsel is

clearly kidding herself

if she believes...

Irrelevant, Mr. Rafferty.

Full documentation here,

Your Honor.

Everything you need to know.

Videotapes are irrelevant,

Mr. Rafferty.

No room for argument.

Objection, Your Honor.

Counsel is badgering.

Motion denied again,

Ms. Woods.

Get off the desk,

Mr. Rafferty.

Ms. Woods,

this court has absolutely

no interest in your opinion

of Mr. Rafferty's choice of socks.

Ms. Woods' capacity for alcohol

has no relevance to these proceedings.

- Bailiff!

- No, clearly you did not,

- Counselors! Counselors!

- Because... no, no...

If I want to sit through personal

attacks, yelling, screaming

foul language, bickering,

I'll spend the afternoon

with my family

in Scarsdale, understand?

Yes, Your Honor.

It may be cool though,

especially from Boston

northward here,

across parts of Maine...

and throughout portions of New England.

Only 52 in Burlington, 51 in...

It's Audrey. I'm not here

right now, so leave a message.

Even if I was here,

I wouldn't take calls from you.

We both know that's not true.

Listen,

I'm sorry to bother you,

but it's really overcast

downtown here

and I thought you just might

have an inside track

from the Weather Channel,

you know,

and what time it's gonna

start raining.

Okay.

Look, if you want me

to leave you alone, I will.

But for the record

I think it's a great shame.

So... take care.

- Hello?

- Oh, you are there.

Yeah, I just picked up the phone

to tell you to leave me alone.

I just said I was going

to leave you alone.

I know, I'm just telling you

that I want you to.

You don't mean that.

- Trust me.

- On the first bit or the second bit?

- Both.

- I'm confused.

- What about?

- I'm not sure.

Perhaps you could

send me a tape of this.

Don't be ridiculous.

- Have dinner with me.

- I'm not hungry.

- I didn't mean right now.

- Well, neither did I.

Honey!

I have to go.

So this is how you're

spending Saturday night,

eating junk food and watching

the Weather Channel?

I have tickets to Thorne Jamison

and the Needles.

- Let's go.

- To a rock concert?

Sex, drugs and rock and roll

is your thing, Mom, not mine.

# Get ready

to roll back the dice #

# Freddy's burning up

in Satan's Fahrenheit #

# Crash landing

from a snowball parasite #

# Television is the Devil's

chosen fun #

- # Ohhh #

- # Singing at the moon #

# Seaside pleasure

and all that shagging around #

# Fall into your head,

she said what she said #

# Get ready

to roll back the dice #

# Fall out of your bed,

we'll wake up the dead #

# Get ready

to roll back the dice. #

Oh my God, I think I'm deaf.

Hey, are you all right?

Do you want

to tell me about it?

He's an a**hole.

I hate him.

He screws everything.

If I don't divorce him,

I'm gonna kill him!

Ugh!

Listen, can I give you

some advice?

You're very young.

Relationships take work,

and... and lots of couples

go through rough patches.

And there's always a way

to get through them.

You know, divorce

should be a last resort.

This is something

I know a little bit about.

You're wearing

my blouse wrong.

It should be worn

off the shoulder.

You have nice shoulders.

Are you Serena?

- So your husband is...

- The fathead on stage? Yeah.

Let me give you my card.

I just want you to know,

Mrs. Jamison,

That if you should choose

Katz, Cohen & Phelps,

I take care of my clients.

We are considered the Tiffany's

of New York law firms.

Yeah, well, I wish

it was Home Depot

so you could rip his heart out

with a chainsaw.

Well, there's that approach too.

Here's to Audrey

and her new client Serena,

and all the money she's going

to bring in to the company.

- No, it's not definite yet.

- It's not definite yet.

The gentleman asked me

to send you this.

Thank you.

What in God's name is that?

- You've never had a goat's nut?

- I can't say that I have.

Hey, man, what's going on?

Would you excuse me

for a moment?

Do you think that's really

a goat's nut in there?

Oh, Ms. Woods,

look at that.

Uh, I see you're

celebrating over there.

Would you like to join us?

Ah, I just wanted to say

hello to Serena.

Well, you're a fan.

Well, who isn't?

Uh, Serena, Audrey Woods.

Serena's my new client.

- Sadly, she's getting a divorce.

- Yes, I know.

Oh, you do?

Oh well, I guess

these things hit the papers.

No, I know, because

up until 30 seconds ago

I thought she was going

to hire me to represent her.

- What?

- That's a good look, counselor.

Did you practice that

in the mirror?

Hey, I decided

to use someone else.

Thing is, in the meetin'

you were all up in that

"high road, let's keep it clean,

no need to get ugly" stuff.

Then I read his book.

Danny's what I want.

He'll cut Thorne's balls off

and give 'em back as earrings.

But in all fairness, uh,

Serena, it should be noted

that Ms. Woods is very capable

of cutting men's balls off.

All right.

Sorry, that came out

all wrong.

Um, just so you know,

the jacket wasn't designed

to be worn with a belt.

Okay.

I'll be right back.

You stole Serena

to spite me.

Come on in.

Cubicle 2 is free,

I believe.

I didn't steal anything.

She read my book

and came to me, I mean it.

I don't think

you mean anything you say.

Well, that, I'm afraid, is gonna

have to remain your problem.

But... I don't lie.

I don't approve of it.

When have I ever lied to you?

Well, let me tell you

something, buddy,

If you are taking

this case to mess with me,

things are gonna get really ugly.

Uglier than this?

And let me tell you

something, if I may...

if you were able to turn down

your self-serving paranoia

to a gentle simmer for a brief moment,

you might just discover

that you and I could actually

co-exist quite successfully.

And I don't mean

only professionally.

Don't forget

to wash your hands.

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote